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  1. #31
    Junior Member Spin's Avatar
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  2. #32
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fourplay View Post
    When someone does this I just get up and leave.

    I feel its rather manipulative to receive acceptance this way.

    I know people mean well, and they do it subconsciously to shield away from people who may eventually judge, but it's not an honest way to communicate.
    ... It is about as honest as it gets. I understand that some people do not enjoy this kind of intensity hurled at them, and that is their choice..but I do not get any more honest than this. This is pure Fi. And it is scary, and painful and difficult to do, but necessary in our case to take the relationship to the next level and give you full disclosure in order to do so. Not Fe trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for us and stay with us. It isnt a ploy. We are trying to get an authentic response out of you by sharing it all and seeing if you can truly love us for who we are. Do us all a favour and please do be honest in your response back, coz being lied to and placated at such a moment is like a slap in the face and would be worse than you packing up and leaving, imo. There is nothing worse than being completely honest with someone and have them not only secretly spit on that gesture, but actually 'pander' to you as if you were a child. Doing that would be reason for me to actually leave you, as there can never be any true intimacy nor understanding of each other between us
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  3. #33
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Haha, so been there. Both in a healthy and unhealthy capacity.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    ... It is about as honest as it gets. I understand that some people do not enjoy this kind of intensity hurled at them, and that is their choice..but I do not get any more honest than this. This is pure Fi. And it is scary, and painful and difficult to do, but necessary in our case to take the relationship to the next level and give you full disclosure in order to do so. Not Fe trying to manipulate you into feeling sorry for us and stay with us. It isnt a ploy. We are trying to get an authentic response out of you by sharing it all and seeing if you can truly love us for who we are. Do us all a favour and please do be honest in your response back, coz being lied to and placated at such a moment is like a slap in the face and would be worse than you packing up and leaving, imo. There is nothing worse than being completely honest with someone and have them not only secretly spit on that gesture, but actually 'pander' to you as if you were a child. Doing that would be reason for me to actually leave you, as there can never be any true intimacy nor understanding of each other between us
    Thank you for this perspective. I'll have a thought about it more deeply next time.

  5. #35
    Senior Member You's Avatar
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    why not go with the questionnaire approach instead of unloading without context? ever heard of 21 questions?
    Oh, its
    You
    ....

  6. #36
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    I am very permitting with others, but I am super-hard on myself.

    I am my own bully…though I've had other people bully me before, too…

  7. #37
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I think I also did this to my INFP when he finally asked me out.

    It's like.. you better know what you're getting yourself into...
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  8. #38
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Haha aww I do this too!! Glad to hear it isn't just me

  9. #39
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    Hey ENFPs . . . have you ever done this? You are dating / seeing someone & the relationship is starting to actually feel like it may work out & you all of a sudden out of nowhere start telling the person how horrible you are. You list off all of your bad qualities & insecurities because you do not have the patience for the slow unraveling of getting to know each other . . . and you are like, "this is me - - you sure you want this???" . . . you feel like you are preventing future hurt for yourself . . . but what you've really done is you've probably ruined everything & terrified the other person & you probably appear schizophrenic / bipolar to them . . . any comments / stories / confessions / insight . . . ???

    I realize this is from a long time ago, but I've only done this one time. I was dating a guy who I didn't think "got" me. He was head over heels for me, which made me a little uncomfortable since we hadn't been dating that long, and I just didn't think he was compatible with my social and crazy side (he didn't naturally bring it out, so he hadn't seen it for himself yet). So I tried to explain that to him, and he was pretty flippant like, "yeah, ok, that's fine." That's when I really turned it on. I showed him rap songs that I liked, told him crazy stories from my past, etc. He still didn't care, and after a while I realized that I was so bothered by this because that part of me was not being satisfied by him (not the other way around).

    I've been the one to break up with most of my exes, but I always go through a phase first where I want them to want to break up with me first. Like hellooo can't you see this isn't working? Help me out here. It never worked, and usually ended up prolonging the inevitable breakup, and probably resulted in a little more heartache than necessary. Glad I don't have to worry about that anymore!
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

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