I find ways to rationalize the absence of it, as I see it only destructive to my being, and I simply let go of it, which is hard at first, but a well trained mind can do it easier. A good Buddha quote:
"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned."
Meditating helps me, too; it puts me at peace.
"Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
enneagram - 7/5/3
If you don't have time to write or go exercise, I recommend holding the middle finger of either hand and paying attention to your breath. In the healing art of Jin Shin Jyutsu (I've just started learning about this in the past month or so), your middle finger represents anger (no surprise there). The holding is intended to bring harmony or at least get the emotion down to a tolerable level.
I go to the gym and hit the weights hard, it helps me with everything and it even has helped me with headaches. If not than I turn on my xbox and pickup the nearest assault rifle and tear people apart online, excellent way to channel your energy into something else. If this doesn't help than I let whomever or whatever is making me angry "have it.":steam:
If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*
I really relate to this as well. I have a lot of anger and with me I think a lot of my problem with it stems from the fact that I've never had any place to put it. In my family, anger toward anyone else in the family was NOT acceptable. Hence, we're a bunch of complainers who filter our anger at each other through petty everyday annoyances with life. It wasn't even a matter of rage or yelling being unacceptable, if you were upset at someone else in the family and even just calmly said "What you did upset me", it would be invalidated.
I agree with what someone else wrote here, about anger really coming from other emotions. For me this is true. I can't think of a time when I was angry that I wasn't actually hurt by something. When feeling personally hurt is invalidated, I think it's like some recipe for massive rage. I've been through it, and I think a lot of my anger comes from feeling that my emotions and reactions are invalid out there. I get angriest when I'm feeling like I have no place to put my feelings. I definitely feel wired to acknowledge the feelings of others before I'll acknowledge my own, I can be bad at asking for acknowledgment, and hence sometimes it's like when I get angry, it's not ONE thing, it's this amalgamation of all these feelings.
I'm not sure if you're in the same position (I think you might be) but do you feel like you HAVE to be the strong one? Not just others wanting you and depending on you to be the strong one, but also holding yourself to that deep inside too? It's like if you feel sadness creeping in to the point you want to just lay down or if you get get angry it feels like this irritating intrusion?
If you feel that, just know I feel that too! The whole thing where times of strife when I can't just control everything going on inside me can feel like an utter failure on my part. Feeling anger in the first place can just make me feel THAT much angrier. Then I get the same way, I just feel so much anger that I could pound on a cardboard box for an hour for all the good it will do in alleviating it.
I think the biggest challenge for me on the anger front has been starting with validating my own feelings in the first place so that it doesn't build into that rage. I don't think anyone can go without getting angry sometimes, I personally feel it is human and it's going to happen. When it's that boiling rage that cuts down to the bone, that's the potentially destructive thing, and I see that for myself.
For me, I personally feel the root of my anger goes deep, and it begins and ends with me feeling invalidated and neglected early on in my life. It set the stage for the rest of my relationships, and I spent too many years around people who also invalidated my feelings. So basically, I not only have a shit load of invalidated feelings inside me, but I'm also coping with the fact that I've learned not to acknowledge my VERY OWN feelings.
I fail to validate myself, I don't realize half the time when I've actually really been hurt or offended by something, and then it's like all of this stews there until I pop with rage. It can suck, because I'm not DENYING I have the feelings, it's like I literally don't realize I'm actually having them!
I've been trying to find ways to get more in touch with myself and how I'm feeling about things. This is HARD, but I'm trying to pay more attention to the all around mood I'm in in reference to what is going on around me. Instead of talking myself out of how I feel, I am trying to let myself feel that way and then validate it.
For instance, I stopped and realized I suddenly felt uneasy and uncomfortable one afternoon when I took the time to 'check in' with me. It took a few moments but I realized it was because the phone had been ringing all day long which is rare around here. Instead of telling myself "How silly", I just let myself BE who I am. Simultaneously I let my rationale tell me that nothing bad was going to happen because phones were ringing at the same time I let myself accept that I get nervous about ringing phones because I get antsy about potential impromptu obligations. I just let myself validate my own feeling instead of criticizing myself for having it. Then I didn't feel so uneasy all of a sudden.
It's sort of like facing up to that inner warden in my head that will pass judgment on my feelings and sock them away as invalid if I tell myself things like "I'm being stupid right now" or other such things. I think sometimes INFJs get a rep for being 'biters' because a lot of us might be dealing with this asshole of an inner critic that says getting anything WRONG is unacceptable, and it has this seemingly infinite list of things that are WRONG. I find the better I get at acknowledging my own feelings AS THEY ARE instead of picking them apart, the more laid back and able I am to cope without that rage having it's way with me.
It's an ongoing thing and I'm still just up and down with it. I've also sort of had to get better at letting go of my fixation on injustice and the critic that also gets angry about the actions of others which I perceive to be unfair. That can really get me seething, injustices and inconsideration toward others (all branches from the same roots). I've had to stop and surmise situations around me, ask myself if there is anything I CAN do or am WILLING to do about it. If the answer is "No", I have been teaching myself to just let it float out of my head. It helps with the rage.
I have gone on so long here, but I hope perhaps something I mentioned might be helpful. I just relate a whole lot and I'm trying to figure out ways to calm the rage. I don't think anyone can get to a state where they never get angry about anything, in fact I think never getting angry about anything is rather unhealthy to be honest. That rage though, that's a different thing and it's not good times. I think there are ways to calm it, to get to a point where all the feelings have a place to go and things come to an even keel.
I hope we both get there!!!
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien
When I get super angry I like to exercise till I feel worn out and relieved, but when I can't get away to exercise, I try to really focus on my breathing, making my breaths slow and deep, just like I've done in times of meditation. When I'm really worked up, heart racing, breathing fast, etc., I think concentrating on my breath helps at least calm my body down and allow me to think a little more clearly or at least release some of the stress.
Going to therapy really helped me sort out some of my anger issues. Somehow, just talking with someone who said, "You have a right to feel this way, and it's natural that you would" helped me calm down a little when these angering situations continued to occur.
The visualization types of things that PeaceBaby mentioned have helped me too. Sometimes I visualize my negative emotions like a bubble or a balloon, or some kind of package, and I let it float into the air and watch it pop or dissolve. It sounds so dumb, so I don't know why it works. Obviously there is still negative emotion there at some level, but that kind of visualization just sorta helps diffuse the really strong feelings so I can calmly, rationally work through stuff.
It gets so bad sometimes that I end up crying in frustration because there are no healthy ways to express all of this rage.
This, so this.
So my job gave me loads of rage and anger today. I find I complain a lot when it's a situation that I can't deal with myself. I hate that about myself too. But I guess it destresses me a little.
Otherwise, I repress almost everything. Often I need to resort to physical methods of dealing with stress (I own a happy punching bag ... and yes I let things boil over when I finally just have to confront problems head on way later than I should have.
Supress Supress Supress!
Then of course it makes all emotions seemingly unbearable and causes other problems in life.
I try to address why I'm angry in the first place and rationalize/make peace with it. Sometimes you can't though. Then I turn to classical music and running. My head ussally feels like its been torn into 20 different peices almost daily and it acctually hurts to feel. Good emotions, bad emotions it makes no difference.
Ussally after an emotional episode I cannot help but sleep. It semi kills me.
Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou
St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.