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  1. #11
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Oh it will, believe you me.

    jk, I'll get out of your serious thread now.
    -stellar renegade
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    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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  2. #12
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    You should look around in ur town for therapies regarding anger management. I know the problem from my girlfriend aswell. She woke up in the mornings and was angry out of no apparent reason. And she got angry in public over futile things.

    My very stoic and patient temperament (lol what an oxymoron ) + a tender hug helped to keep her at bay sometimes, but in the long run she looked for a counsellour.

    And from what I've seen in her now, its helping.

    It's definitly in issue about the anger that is more common in society than one may think and I dont think its a bad thing or an illness or crap like that.

    It's like with the tale of a coin always having to sides. That means if you are on the one side a very caring, warm and loving individual, you can deeply empathize with people and feel like identically what they feel, the other side of the coin can be anger, cause you are just that intellectual with emotions.

    ---

    Man I am diplomatic today, I am gonna hit a random kid now on the street to feel my anger still fuels my endeavours
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  3. #13
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    What's interesting, Berbs, is that according to Keirsey your temperament (NF) is related to the Choleric temperament. I don't know if you know much about that, but it's supposed to be the passionate and oft-easily angered temperament. At least according to some descriptions.
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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  4. #14
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Barb I understand what you are going through. My sister deals with this a bit worse than me but I have been where you are at times.

    This will sound odd-meh, norms for me-but occasionally when younger I would get so angry at my husband. I would want to scream and rail at him, but would try and bottle it up instead. Same with sister when I was a teen. I would actual bite my own hand or wrist out of overwhelming frustration. Immediately the pain gave me a focal point, a drain for all of the emo of sorts-granted in a weird, not healthy way.

    It is much easier to isolate and distance the Fi pain and analyze or bottle it up. I use Te for this. But maybe the rage is Te? So maybe you could use Fi to disable?

    This could be utter bullshit and is a little nlp-ish. Find a little trinket-a ring, a braclet, something easy to carry with you. Find a quiet moment where you are sitting with your little ones and let the love for them well up inside of you and sort of overwhelm you. Take a step back and observe how you feel physiologically-your skin, your breath, your mind, how your face feels, your expressions. pay attention to how open and relaxed your mind feels. Hold the trinket. Try in your mind to imprint that trinket with that memory, that state of mind you feel there.

    Wear the trinket. Later when overcome by the rage, hold the trinket, and try and refind that place. Relax your defenses, your face, your chest, your stomach and try and work back to that place where the trinket is at?

    enfps use Te as a defense so you may have to very consciously choose to drop those defenses, relax those walls to make that step back. I dunno though, could all be rubbish.

  5. #15
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    I seldom feel rage. When I do it really freaks me out as I have a strong adrenaline response. I get so amped up on adrenaline that my fists start shaking, my breathing is deep and rapid, my teeth clench together and my eyes are wide open. I get the fuck away from people and go take a walk when this happens. If I ever let that type of rage get into my mind it could be very, very bad. So, I take off for a wlak in the woods. Sometimes I get lucky and find a pine tre that has wood rot or insect damage and the trunk is weakening. I'll start charging the trunk of the pine from one side, then switch to the other, giving it full force of my torso, arms, legs, just trying to charge through the tree.

    The goal is bring the trunk down, which I've done a few times, and that is a great reliever of all that energy. When the trunk falls you naturally shout out in victory. "THUD!" The tree hits the ground, the enemy is vanquished, the rage is gone. Now I can rationally think through what it is that got under my skin so badly, or if I already know, think of a constructive way to deal with it. This is a maybe once to twice per year occurrence at most. The past few years have been really rough so twice/yr. for awhile, but I can see that ending...

  6. #16
    PEST that STEPs on PETS stellar renegade's Avatar
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    Yeah, when I get pissed I make sure to steer clear of others and I make it known that they don't want to talk to me at that point. I often feel like throttling someone but thankfully my respect for others is far greater than that impulse.

    I usually just take a walk and think through what I'm going to say to the person I'm angry at. Then come back and make sure that they know I mean business. Unless I've worked past it to the point to be diplomatic and tactful.
    -stellar renegade
    coo-oo-ooool this madness down,
    stop it right on tiiiiime!


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  7. #17
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ajblaise View Post
    I think it's more about rationalizing how you interpret and react to the unpleasant events.

    Now that I look it up, there seems to be a whole therapy based on it called rational emotive behavior therapy:

    Rational emotive behavior therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Very interesting stuff, thanks for the link. I only read a little of it and bookmarked it for later.

    I mean I think beneath the surface I know this way of thinking, like with CBT, which is also something I'm being referred to, but knowing and doing are not the same thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    You should look around in ur town for therapies regarding anger management. I know the problem from my girlfriend aswell. She woke up in the mornings and was angry out of no apparent reason. And she got angry in public over futile things.

    My very stoic and patient temperament (lol what an oxymoron ) + a tender hug helped to keep her at bay sometimes, but in the long run she looked for a counsellour.

    And from what I've seen in her now, its helping.

    It's definitly in issue about the anger that is more common in society than one may think and I dont think its a bad thing or an illness or crap like that.

    It's like with the tale of a coin always having to sides. That means if you are on the one side a very caring, warm and loving individual, you can deeply empathize with people and feel like identically what they feel, the other side of the coin can be anger, cause you are just that intellectual with emotions.

    ---

    Man I am diplomatic today, I am gonna hit a random kid now on the street to feel my anger still fuels my endeavours

    Yeah, a tender hug always helps. Knowing someone just understands, or cares a little. I am in the process of getting the right kind of therapist, but it's at an assessment level so far, with a leaning to CBT as a way forward.


    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    What's interesting, Berbs, is that according to Keirsey your temperament (NF) is related to the Choleric temperament. I don't know if you know much about that, but it's supposed to be the passionate and oft-easily angered temperament. At least according to some descriptions.
    Yeah, I knew that and it makes sense, most enfp's I know irl are very passionate people, and although they don;t lose it often, when they do it's kind of scary to behold.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    Barb I understand what you are going through. My sister deals with this a bit worse than me but I have been where you are at times.

    This will sound odd-meh, norms for me-but occasionally when younger I would get so angry at my husband. I would want to scream and rail at him, but would try and bottle it up instead. Same with sister when I was a teen. I would actual bite my own hand or wrist out of overwhelming frustration. Immediately the pain gave me a focal point, a drain for all of the emo of sorts-granted in a weird, not healthy way.

    It is much easier to isolate and distance the Fi pain and analyze or bottle it up. I use Te for this. But maybe the rage is Te? So maybe you could use Fi to disable?

    This could be utter bullshit and is a little nlp-ish. Find a little trinket-a ring, a braclet, something easy to carry with you. Find a quiet moment where you are sitting with your little ones and let the love for them well up inside of you and sort of overwhelm you. Take a step back and observe how you feel physiologically-your skin, your breath, your mind, how your face feels, your expressions. pay attention to how open and relaxed your mind feels. Hold the trinket. Try in your mind to imprint that trinket with that memory, that state of mind you feel there.

    Wear the trinket. Later when overcome by the rage, hold the trinket, and try and refind that place. Relax your defenses, your face, your chest, your stomach and try and work back to that place where the trinket is at?

    enfps use Te as a defense so you may have to very consciously choose to drop those defenses, relax those walls to make that step back. I dunno though, could all be rubbish.
    I absolutely adore your suggestion Ne monster, it really appealed to me, and I readily identified with the need to bite my self to try to calm down, as a very young child (ages 4-7) I used to self harm quite a bit because I had a temper that was off the roof, teenage years I took that temper out on adversaries, but these days I'm too "mature" to self harm, or harm others, I know it's not healthy.

    I will definately try that trinket thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    I seldom feel rage. When I do it really freaks me out as I have a strong adrenaline response. I get so amped up on adrenaline that my fists start shaking, my breathing is deep and rapid, my teeth clench together and my eyes are wide open. I get the fuck away from people and go take a walk when this happens. If I ever let that type of rage get into my mind it could be very, very bad. So, I take off for a wlak in the woods. Sometimes I get lucky and find a pine tre that has wood rot or insect damage and the trunk is weakening. I'll start charging the trunk of the pine from one side, then switch to the other, giving it full force of my torso, arms, legs, just trying to charge through the tree.

    The goal is bring the trunk down, which I've done a few times, and that is a great reliever of all that energy. When the trunk falls you naturally shout out in victory. "THUD!" The tree hits the ground, the enemy is vanquished, the rage is gone. Now I can rationally think through what it is that got under my skin so badly, or if I already know, think of a constructive way to deal with it. This is a maybe once to twice per year occurrence at most. The past few years have been really rough so twice/yr. for awhile, but I can see that ending...
    Wow, now that sounds awesome. I have paid a hefty fine in my earlier years for damaging a place I was staying at, should have gone and raged on a tree, that would truly feel satisfying and wouldn't have left me with the guilt or shame I felt when I smashed up my first flat.

    I should add, people don't get to see me like this so it doesn;t happen often, I supress my emotions and rage alot, I don't want to frighten people because even I find myself frightening during these moments.


    Quote Originally Posted by stellar renegade View Post
    Yeah, when I get pissed I make sure to steer clear of others and I make it known that they don't want to talk to me at that point. I often feel like throttling someone but thankfully my respect for others is far greater than that impulse.

    I usually just take a walk and think through what I'm going to say to the person I'm angry at. Then come back and make sure that they know I mean business. Unless I've worked past it to the point to be diplomatic and tactful.
    I would love to just go off for a long bike ride right now, or a walk through the green areas around here, just to walk off this agitation, but alas it's not to be.

    I have a week to myself starting on the 21st of this month, and I am using it to quieten my spirit down with lonesome walks, and time to think all of these emotions through.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  8. #18
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Hi Berberella,

    First I send you a to help diffuse a little bit of your rage right now. And here's another to get the process well underway. I am going to share some stuff with you too from an intuitive perspective and a more personal one as well in the hopes you find it helpful.

    Anger is the emotion that violently smothers all other emotions. When you are full of rage, of intense anger, you feel nothing else. No pain, no hurt, no sadness and you can ride anger for a spell and the power of it thrusts you forward without the encumbrances of other feelings. Anger does have a purpose in that it can be very protective, but like fire it takes light then naturally must burn itself out when whatever is fueling that rage is spent. In your regular visitation from it, I can infer that whatever is fueling your anger is finding a continual source of fuel. So instead of thinking about anger like fire, I need you to see it right now as a blanket that wraps itself around you and covers over / conceals the real emotions you need to process. Some people use their anger to propel themselves through their whole lives and never question the raging adrenalin punishing their body every day. But sustained anger is like a poison that will consume you with it so we need to slowly unwrap that blanket and find the emotions you are tucking away under it and hiding from.

    When I hear you say you don't know why you are so angry, I don't quite believe you because you have a high degree of self-awareness. But you will need to acknowledge all of those other emotions under that "rage blankie" before the rage itself will taper off. So let's start with an exercise that will help you ease the adrenalin off enough to start peeling away your layers.

    I need you to close your eyes and breathe into your belly. Take a breath and imagine your breath filling you like water would fill a bucket. The water fills the bottom of the bucket first, then slowly fills to the top. The breath out, the release, is effortless, just let it go. Imagine it takes some of your anger with it. Imagine the anger as a color even, black or grey or red, and imagine breathing in white pure peace or calm blue sky and breathing out that black anger. This type of breathing will feel very difficult when you are full of intense emotions since most people have a tendency to breathe in the upper chest and much more shallowly. Just let a few breaths process through you and go back to normal breathing if it feels too hard. Even a few deeper breaths will help to bring a bit of calm.

    You need to go here - you really do. You need to let yourself feel your feelings.

    Now, instead of using the punching bag, I want you to wield a different weapon with your hands - a pen. Go get a pen and a notepad and write down everything that is bothering you right now. Bare your soul on that paper! Expel every frustrating thought onto that notepad and when you are done you might feel quite emotionally drained and hopefully a bit clearer. Burn the notes afterward even, as a sort of cleansing itself, and release the feelings to the sky, trusting that the guidance to these issues will come.

    Sending you another .

    So that's a way to try to explore what you are feeling and how to start processing it on your own. But talking to someone can also help a great deal, and it doesn't have to be therapy as long as it is a close understanding confidante who will help you uncover your own truths. You do need to find out why you are feeling so angry; it's a signal that you are overburdened somewhere right now. Listen to it. I would also get a wellness check-up from the Dr. and your thyroid checked too, just to be sure everything is at good and healthy levels.

    Personally, I also find that in my early 40's hormone fluctuations are part of a new emotional yo-yo and I have been feeling much more irritation with others for about 8-10 days each month. Part of this I think is normal life changes too as my kids are taking their own steps to adulthood and I am starting to see how that changes my life too. A new phase if you will.

    The limitations of this medium are that I can only cram so much in one post, but if you want to PM or anything I would be happy to share and listen.

  9. #19
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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  10. #20
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Hi Berberella,

    First I send you a to help diffuse a little bit of your rage right now. And here's another to get the process well underway. I am going to share some stuff with you too from an intuitive perspective and a more personal one as well in the hopes you find it helpful.

    Anger is the emotion that violently smothers all other emotions. When you are full of rage, of intense anger, you feel nothing else. No pain, no hurt, no sadness and you can ride anger for a spell and the power of it thrusts you forward without the encumbrances of other feelings. Anger does have a purpose in that it can be very protective, but like fire it takes light then naturally must burn itself out when whatever is fueling that rage is spent. In your regular visitation from it, I can infer that whatever is fueling your anger is finding a continual source of fuel. So instead of thinking about anger like fire, I need you to see it right now as a blanket that wraps itself around you and covers over / conceals the real emotions you need to process. Some people use their anger to propel themselves through their whole lives and never question the raging adrenalin punishing their body every day. But sustained anger is like a poison that will consume you with it so we need to slowly unwrap that blanket and find the emotions you are tucking away under it and hiding from.

    When I hear you say you don't know why you are so angry, I don't quite believe you because you have a high degree of self-awareness. But you will need to acknowledge all of those other emotions under that "rage blankie" before the rage itself will taper off. So let's start with an exercise that will help you ease the adrenalin off enough to start peeling away your layers.

    I need you to close your eyes and breathe into your belly. Take a breath and imagine your breath filling you like water would fill a bucket. The water fills the bottom of the bucket first, then slowly fills to the top. The breath out, the release, is effortless, just let it go. Imagine it takes some of your anger with it. Imagine the anger as a color even, black or grey or red, and imagine breathing in white pure peace or calm blue sky and breathing out that black anger. This type of breathing will feel very difficult when you are full of intense emotions since most people have a tendency to breathe in the upper chest and much more shallowly. Just let a few breaths process through you and go back to normal breathing if it feels too hard. Even a few deeper breaths will help to bring a bit of calm.

    Now, instead of using the punching bag, I want you to wield a different weapon with your hands - a pen. Go get a pen and a notepad and write down everything that is bothering you right now. Bare your soul on that paper! Expel every frustrating thought onto that notepad and when you are done you might feel quite emotionally drained and hopefully a bit clearer. Burn the notes afterward even, as a sort of cleansing itself, and release them feelings to the sky, trusting that the guidance to these issues will come.

    Sending you another .

    So that's a way to try to explore what you are feeling and how to start processing it on your own. But talking to someone can also help a great deal, and it doesn't have to be therapy as long as it is a close understanding confidante who will help you uncover your own truths. You do need to find out why you are feeling so angry; it's a signal that you are overburdened somewhere right now. Listen to it. I would also get a wellness check-up from the Dr. and your thyroid checked too, just to be sure everything is at good and healthy levels.

    Personally, I also find that in my early 40's hormone fluctuations are part of a new emotional yo-yo and I have been feeling much more irritation with others for about 8-10 days each month. Part of this I think is normal life changes too as my kids are taking their own steps to adulthood and I am starting to see how that changes my life too. A new phase if you will.

    The limitations of this medium are that I can only cram so much in one post, but if you want to PM or anything I would be happy to share and listen.

    You are right, rage/anger is better, I don't want to cry, I refuse to cry, or to bare my soul, to look deeper into the things that I have buried. I've been doing that for years, stuck in a crying, depressed, soul searching place, and now I am out of that, even if it is by intense repression it feels so much better to just ignore those feelings that I can not get a handle on or deal with.

    I do know where my feelings are coming, I know what is triggering them off, I just don't believe I can do too much to change them.

    Some I can, and I am, but some involve others and that's what makes them firm and unchangeable, because the people are.

    I used to bare my soul on paper, I haven't picked up my notebook that I use to talk about these deeper issues in a long time, I feel it makes me vulnerable, it brings me to tears, sometimes I can not even finish what I am attempting to write because I just break down.

    I don't want to break down, I want to be strong, I don't want to be strong through anger though.

    I will try your exercise a little later, right now my 2 dogs are scrapping with each other and my little girl is putting knots bands in my hair.

    I see where you are coming from though, it makes perfect sense, writing used to be a very cathartic process for me, there could even be a link between the increased rage sessions and the lack of writing on my part, definately going to think on it a bit more.

    Thanks for your post, it was lovely.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

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