I guess I was especially curious how NFs may feel about this, but anyone is welcome to weigh in!
You know how you may sometimes get a last-minute invite from a friend to do something – because they turned out to have one space left, one extra ticket, etc? Does that ever actually make you end up feeling insulted?
It really depends on the circumstances, I know. Yesterday I texted a friend about a concert we’re planning to go to next week, and he thanked me for letting me know the details. A little later, and quite late in the day, he texted me again and said “I don’t know if you’re doing anything tonight but I’m having a few for dinner and you’re welcome to come.” I said that would be great except my friend from out of town had just arrived for a few days, so really only if she could come too – but I acknowledged that might just not be possible numbers-wise. He said he wasn’t sure and would let me know. A little later he texted me back and said he was really sorry but didn’t think it would work if I came with my friend – they just didn’t have enough room, plates, etc. Which basically was perfectly fine – it was nice of him to invite me, and asking if my friend could come too was a long shot and he had no obligation to say yes, and I am sure the room/plates thing was true (he doesn’t live in a huge space). But the thing that kind of got me was that he apologised and said they wouldn’t have room, but then added “With you it was pushing it.” ie. I was very much an afterthought, probably just because we’d been in contact that day already, and there was barely room to fit me in on top of the more important people (I’m afraid this is kind of how I interpreted it). By the way, the other people who were coming were mutual friends/acquaintances, at least some of them.
I know that probably sounds incredibly petty and I may just be feeling sensitive at the moment because I am very stressed about a number of things in my life. I should probably just view this sort of thing in the best possible light. But I have known a number of people in my life who I’ve considered friends, but have realised eventually that they usually only call on me as an afterthought when there is space, or when it seems convenient for them. I don’t particularly like being “fall-back girl” or the person who only gets called when someone needs to fill a space/sell a ticket etc.
What do you think?