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  1. #1
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default ENFJ's and emotional needs?

    Just curious as to ways you ENFJ's get your own emotional needs met?

    I feel stuck since my closest friends are INFP/INTP and the other is ISFJ. I know they care and have been freinds with both for a period of time.

    For me I like conversation, openness, honesty, and mutual effort in close friends but they can be naturally more private, non-emotional. So I try to branch out with my Fe but getting these from the many acquaintances feels kinda funny and empty sometimes, and then you cannot expect your closest friend to meet all of your emotional needs all the time especially when they naturally are different that what you want in some areas (mentioned above and to be specific the ISFJ bakes me stuff...and makes curtains??not my love language but I see what she is up to!)?

    What are you solutions to meeting your own emotional needs or how have you resolved this issue in your life? Examples and how you have approached the friends to discuss this? (I think my ISFJ would think I am crazy (S people :steam:...) and she has told me I am overly analytical about this stuff)

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  2. #2
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    @ the ISFJ and her curtains and baked goods lol How sweet!

    You know, good question. I have no idea how my emotional needs get met. *ponders*

  3. #3
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    the ISFJ bakes me stuff...and makes curtains??not my love language but I see what she is up to!)?
    lol we try.

    Find me an F that feels completely emotionally fulfilled and I'll bake her 20 cakes! I'd wager to guess that SFs also feel emotionally unfulfilled, but probably less so than NFs because S replaces more of that need with practical tasks or acts.

  4. #4
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    I remember my sister bringing me a Beauty and the Beast nightlight from the Dollar Tree when I was really sick. It's that sort of little surprise that makes me feel thought of and cared for. When someone "knows" me and can find some little thing - an object or phrase or picture - that reflects me to them. I like seeing myself in others (those I love the most), and having them see themselves in me. By that, I mean that they can see pieces of themselves engraved on me, that they're a part of me now, and vice versa. It means you and I have been assimilated into the greater whole of our friendship. It's not something that can be coerced or forced, it's a magical sort of "click" and is special.

    It's like NOT buying red roses for your girlfriend, but getting her a mysterious old book from the back of a curious old book store no one knows about.

  5. #5
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    For me I like conversation, openness, honesty, and mutual effort in close friends but they can be naturally more private, non-emotional.
    Strange, I tried this with an ex and I still got called cold. Hell, I've even tried amping up the visibility of my expressions by ten fold and that didn't even help. There has to be more to these requirements than just that.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  6. #6
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default Fi cold

    I can't help but feel like Fi people are cold. they tell me they care, but the lack of expressiveness is like inherent. The internal Fi is literally a "black hole" in that it doesn't escape to me. And when I constantly get blank as a register from them with my Fe feelers that is my conclusion subconsciously no matter what they say.

    Also I think us Extroverts put others first and look outward and I see Fi as self-first so it feels like I think more of the friendship than they do even though they tell me it isn't so. My radar picks this up though and having to constantly remind yourself what the person said is reality and that is a lot of work.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
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  7. #7
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    I can't help but feel like Fi people are cold. they tell me they care, but the lack of expressiveness is like inherent. The internal Fi is literally a "black hole" in that it doesn't escape to me. And when I constantly get blank as a register from them with my Fe feelers that is my conclusion subconsciously no matter what they say.

    Also I think us Extroverts put others first and look outward and I see Fi as self-first so it feels like I think more of the friendship than they do even though they tell me it isn't so. My radar picks this up though and having to constantly remind yourself what the person said is reality and that is a lot of work.
    So maybe I am better going TJ then... This is gonna hurt.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default oh man

    Have you found something that works at all? Cause I would like to know. You can't help but liking you INFP's. Seriously they are likely the best match if I can figure out how to get my need for expression, and giving met with one? CAn't infp one that can though.

    I want it to work...
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
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    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
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  9. #9
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HeatherC View Post
    Have you found something that works at all? Cause I would like to know. You can't help but liking you INFP's. Seriously they are likely the best match if I can figure out how to get my need for expression, and giving met with one? CAn't infp one that can though.

    I want it to work...
    I have an ENFJ female friend, she's definitely made comments about "lack of projected warmth [ie smiling and body language stuff]" and "you say things, but they seem so unconvincing". Most of the time were great around each other, but if either of us in a deep funk, things really fall apart. They arent bad or fighting, but they fall apart.

    Think of the most god awful painful horrible brutal bad experience you've ever had, now limit your facial expression. Thats one expression of Fi, ie that is how a Fi-dom might feel inside AND how much external expression of it you would see.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    I know that, for me, any indication of "I don't believe you" from the ENFJ's part will make me MUCH more guarded and non-expressive. I tried being open and expressive, you incorrectly called "bullshit" on it, if thats how your gonna react I'm not gonna waste my time and effort even trying to "project emotion." If my natural expressions can't convince you, I'm not gonna even put effort into trying to emotionally express something.

    Things RARELY come to that though. Most of the time both of us were very open and expressive and "exploratory" of what the other was talking about

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