User Tag List

First 45678 Last

Results 51 to 60 of 108

  1. #51
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    exhausting how?
    beats the hell out of me

    in the moments i mercifully lose awareness of myself, i get snapped back with these looks ----> ... i've been told i'm "scary" even by people who've never met me or spoken to me... my feelings are apparently WAY too much for any mortal human to endure so i get that 'calm down' speech as if i were any more irrational than any other person when justifiably upset... i've had boyfriends tell me that they love my high nature, but 'remind me to never get on your bad side' - what kind of messed up statement IS that?... like i go around scorching people for my amusement? ... like i would hurt them? EVER?!... like my anger would break anyone? WHY? because it's *mine*? and that makes it pure poison?? i can't be entirely honest b/c i'm always afraid of breaking the precious with my might horrible evil feelings... some power has been wrongly and spitefully attached to my person...

  2. #52
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    2w3 so/sx
    Posts
    1,273

    Default

    <---Yeti Hug

    I'm laughing right now! It's not because you're feelings aren't valid or because you're a terrible person or anything horrible like that...it's because I've felt exactly the same way! Exactly!

    It's like I'm Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde. My "friends" all know Hyde is in there...he destroys my life and I'm constantly running to contain him when the walls that seperate the two start leaking "emo" like a dam breaking.

    I used to want to explode just to drive them all away. Sometimes, I withdraw from the group by myself when I sense my tank getting full and I'm in a bad mood for the rest of the night. I can never withdraw fast enough and my stupid friends (who can't handle it anyway) always ask me what's wrong. I can't hide it completely. That alone damns me to drama hell.

    I know Pink. I know. I just wish there was a way to deal with all of it so we wouldn't be exposed, and we wouldn't look bad in the draining process.
    Love is the point.

  3. #53
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    beats the hell out of me

    in the moments i mercifully lose awareness of myself, i get snapped back with these looks ----> ... i've been told i'm "scary" even by people who've never met me or spoken to me... my feelings are apparently WAY too much for any mortal human to endure so i get that 'calm down' speech as if i were any more irrational than any other person when justifiably upset... i've had boyfriends tell me that they love my high nature, but 'remind me to never get on your bad side' - what kind of messed up statement IS that?... like i go around scorching people for my amusement? ... like i would hurt them? EVER?!... like my anger would break anyone? WHY? because it's *mine*? and that makes it pure poison?? i can't be entirely honest b/c i'm always afraid of breaking the precious with my might horrible evil feelings... some power has been wrongly and spitefully attached to my person...
    Here's my theory. Some can handle your expressions, some can't. Some see venting for what it is, don't take it personally, and empathize. Others tend to internalize it, misread it, take it personally. I was talking about this last night with ENFJ friend #1, who was frustrated because some of her friends were okay with helping her physically, but bolted when she needed help emotionally. I think some people just don't know how to hear what the other person's saying, instead of reading the emotion. Also, my sister (ISTJ) gets frustrated and needs to vent in order to work out her frustration and come up with a plan. She can't vent to my mom, because my mom just hears * danger! raised voice! anger! * and can't detach enough to see it for what it is (which is not directed at her).

    I actually can take a lot of anger and frustration and emotion if it's not directed *at* me.
    Something Witty

  4. #54
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    2w3 so/sx
    Posts
    1,273

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Here's my theory. Some can handle your expressions, some can't. Some see venting for what it is, don't take it personally, and empathize. Others tend to internalize it, misread it, take it personally. I was talking about this last night with ENFJ friend #1, who was frustrated because some of her friends were okay with helping her physically, but bolted when she needed help emotionally. I think some people just don't know how to hear what the other person's saying, instead of reading the emotion. Also, my sister (ISTJ) gets frustrated and needs to vent in order to work out her frustration and come up with a plan. She can't vent to my mom, because my mom just hears * danger! raised voice! anger! * and can't detach enough to see it for what it is (which is not directed at her).

    I actually can take a lot of anger and frustration and emotion if it's not directed *at* me.

    Mmm...well said.
    Love is the point.

  5. #55
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    MBTI
    eNFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx/so
    Socionics
    eNFJ Ni
    Posts
    11,443

    Default

    locking and loading on people who don't deserve the anger or being yelled at is irresponsible and traumatizing... i hate it when it's done to me, and i can't conscience doing it to my friends/family... i have a male friend who's generally wonderful but takes every raised voice as 'you're mad at ME' when it has nothing to do with him and you just need to have someone listen and help you work things out... i never understood that...

    i remember feeling really truly comfortable for the first time in my life with my intj best friend (on a day to day level b/c he's so chill, kind and problem-solver-y) and with my istp best friend (because he was never afraid of me or cowed by my solar flares)... my girlfriends aren't afraid of me either and when i'm really upset or hurt, they tell me to just let it rip and get it all out... it causes a few seismic disturbances noted by migrating whales, but when the smoke clears, i feel better, understood, calm... i return the favor for them when they're pulling their own hair out...

    *scoops tallulah into a bag for shiny object collection*


    fuzz - the jekyll/hyde thing is endemic, i think... i was just discussing this with my sister last night... she asked if all nfjs had that pronounced flip in their nature, and i couldn't think of a single one who didn't....

  6. #56
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w3
    Socionics
    INFp
    Posts
    283

    Default

    What can an INFP do to prove to an ENFJ that she/he is not an emotionless void and really does care?
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  7. #57
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    ENTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9 sp/sx
    Socionics
    LIE
    Posts
    3,965

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical_Spaghetti View Post
    What can an INFP do to prove to an ENFJ that she/he is not an emotionless void and really does care?
    Its the little smiles and the rotating hands that are reaching out for a hug that do it for mua.
    Or actions - like making time to come and talk to me or sharing something that you believe in with me
    your music preferences would do fine - sharing and such
    I N V I C T U S

  8. #58
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    2w3 so/sx
    Posts
    1,273

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    *scoops tallulah into a bag for shiny object collection*
    Hey, no fair! Don't hog all the Tallulah!
    Love is the point.

  9. #59
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    STP
    Posts
    10,499

    Default

    I generally have no problems with ENFJ or anyone in that matter flipping out and venting with me about someone else, but just know that when the flipping out is for something I did and you are taking it out on me, I will listen to what you say, but eventually my J comes out and I will just ignore everything because I realize you are running on emotions and going rampant with venting and I am not gonna let that fuel any more emotions within me since it is about me because they would be turned back towards you. It drives my wife nuts when I hit ignore mode. I will listen to anything and everything she has to vent about with problems she has with other people. Sometimes I try and dig deeper. Alot of the times she has problems with people who are just like me and I try and explain why they did what they did which is invalidating her feelings and drives her nuts.

    If you want to yell at an ISTP do it and get it over with, we can calmly discuss it later when emotions have simmered down.

  10. #60
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Enneagram
    2w3 so/sx
    Posts
    1,273

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    I generally have no problems with ENFJ or anyone in that matter flipping out and venting with me about someone else, but just know that when the flipping out is for something I did and you are taking it out on me, I will listen to what you say, but eventually my J comes out and I will just ignore everything because I realize you are running on emotions and going rampant with venting and I am not gonna let that fuel any more emotions within me since it is about me because they would be turned back towards you. It drives my wife nuts when I hit ignore mode. I will listen to anything and everything she has to vent about with problems she has with other people. Sometimes I try and dig deeper. Alot of the times she has problems with people who are just like me and I try and explain why they did what they did which is invalidating her feelings and drives her nuts.

    If you want to yell at an ISTP do it and get it over with, we can calmly discuss it later when emotions have simmered down.
    *squints*
    *examines statement carefully*

    Just like you, eh? If I may ask, how old is she? I've spent most of my life dealing with SJs who were neither sensitive, nor really all that caring...seems she might be having sensor burn out and she might not have anyone healthy to vent it to.

    A couple things, if I may make suggestions.
    1. She's your wife. That means, when she's venting about others, she's not really looking for information, but rather, for a supportive sounding board. If you work on actively listening to the emotions involved and comfort her (put your arm around her, stroke her hair, [some guys even comb it], this may help to calm her down and realize, even if you think she's freaking out for stupid reasons, that you've got her back and that you love her, more than you want her to be logical.
    ---Ironically, this will eventually cause her to ask you for your advice about the situation anyway, to which, if possible, still be understanding of her feelings, but explain the mindset from whence you think the persons who aggitated her were coming from. I can't speak for all ENFJs, but I know after I've spent my emotional reserves with someone who didn't throw the illogicality of it all back in my face, and I knew that person could help me handle the situation better in the future, I would ask that person how I may improve my repore the next time I come across a similar situation with similar people doing similar things.

    BONUS- *This may also lead to sex*. Just letting you know. In fact, after you've spent your ISTP reserves listening to her go on about a situation and actually comforting her without confronting her with the logic of what she did wrong, she may just want to jump your bones for the emotional intimacy of it all before she asks your advice on how to deal with it. Ironically, the act of sex itself is going to make you more understanding and more apt to talk about what she can do better next time, afterwards. JUST WAIT TIL SHE ASKS PLEASE! Trust me, even if it's the next morning, or after a midday snuggle nap, I think she will.
    Love is the point.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] ENFJ's and dealing with our need to meddle and intervene
    By velocity in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 02-25-2010, 12:07 AM
  2. [ENFJ] ENFJ girl and ISFP boy relationship
    By mangosandpies in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: 01-12-2010, 01:26 AM
  3. [ENFJ] I seem to be attracted to this ENFJ girl and...
    By Cypocalypse in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-09-2009, 10:52 AM
  4. [ENFJ] ENFJs and emotion
    By Jonathanthegreat in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-01-2009, 11:23 AM
  5. [ENFJ] ENFJ Boy and ENFP Girl
    By bambicomplex in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 02-20-2009, 07:32 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO