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  1. #31
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    So why don't you tell us what an ENFJ needs to fulfill that void? How do you use your Fe to foster deep connections with others? And what are you seeking in return, besides initiative? Coz I would love to know how you experience intensity and emotional depth
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  2. #32
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    Most types don't try to appreciate other types' way of expression, so it's a hard challenge if not around them often. As for I's, yes it's hard to compete in an E world, but those who take the time truly value your depth. As for E's, you know your missing out by not learning from others. Same goes for P's and J's. Were supposed to balance each other out one way or another, so we just have to be more open-minded.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    So why don't you tell us what an ENFJ needs to fulfill that void? How do you use your Fe to foster deep connections with others? And what are you seeking in return, besides initiative? Coz I would love to know how you experience intensity and emotional depth
    Acceptance and warmth fill everyone's void when they are open to it. Fe means showing some attention because we care. It doesn't have to be the same attention, but acknowledgement shows that we didn't waste our time. We try to handle everyone's problems instead of our own's, which is a lot of people's depth to deal with, and leads to all the intensity.

  4. #34
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default great thread so far

    [QUOTE= We INFP's tend to respond well to gentle nudging, ESPECIALLY when we really like you. Also, be very clear in pointing out your needs, preferably with explanation and examples. Point out how something is helpful for you, point out cases where we succeeded in meeting your needs and why, and do NOT justify something by saying "everyone knows THIS is how it is done" or "society EXPECTS this", we don't like stuff like that! But point out why its important to you, that you appreciate when we put forth that extra effort, and how much it means to you, and you SHOULD have us bait line and sinker. :rolli: We really aim to please/nurture, and by doing those you let us know exactly how to get there, without any of that "societal expectation" stuff we so dislike.[/QUOTE]

    I think this was a good thing for me to read. I think also I am realizing being ENFJ I do initiate a lot in general since I plan ahead and just plain take charge and when it is not returned I wonder what is wrong with other people? haha. And I think my needs are not expressed clearly or verbally very often until I realize they are not met! But is it wrong to expect a 50/50 relationship in terms of give and take and initiative with communication? Where is the objective in this (any introverted thinkers??help here) so that I don't take all the blame for something that is not all my part.

    Also I realize I get angry when I have given too much. I think I read a post somewhere about ENFJ's (Enneagram 2's) resenting those they give too much too and I am an Enneagram 1 but I would say this might be the case for me. I expect response to my giving with giving at some point. Working on that but for now trying to let go of some mild anger at my own expectations and giving to others. It is knee jerk sometimes to want to give and I hate that! :steam:


    P.S.
    Oh Scott I think the part in Lenore Thompson's book about extroverted Feelers is helping me see myself better. I skipped ahead to it after reading the first half of the book.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
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    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

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  5. #35
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    It's hard to put in half the effort when the airwaves are already jammed from the other side. Otherwise, my previous experience still stands: I've chased after an ENFJ once with taking initiative and got nothing back out of it - it goes both ways.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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  6. #36
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    One thing ENFJs could do more to have their emotional needs met is to open up more about themselves. ENFJs are good at making other people feel good and finding out all about them, but they can hold back their inner self.
    i'm trying but it's really difficult...

    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    one other thing- a lot of the time, the reason i feel like i am not getting what i need emotionally is that i start closing off. this usually happens when i lose faith and start thinking negative thoughts. i stop believing that anyone around me can really connect with me on my level anyway.
    i shut down completely.

    a lot of things have happened lately to make me feel cynical... this a.m. i read about a man who's done 40 years worth of volunteer work for those in need... that made me feel better.

    fwiw, i've never thought of my infp friends as cold... they've always been very solicitous of my wellbeing...

  7. #37
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    i'm trying but it's really difficult...



    i shut down completely.

    a lot of things have happened lately to make me feel cynical... this a.m. i read about a man who's done 40 years worth of volunteer work for those in need... that made me feel better.

    fwiw, i've never thought of my infp friends as cold... they've always been very solicitous of my wellbeing...
    Well said Pink! I was told literally in that exact wording by a past ENTJ boss that, "I shut down." Wow I can't believe it. Makes me laugh.

    Also I do share my inner self with people but if you do and they don't care as much as you it is nooooot fun. So I know I can do that but I think yes I need to be more willing to not fear bringing the person down. That is true for me and a hindrance.
    I do think I have recongized sharing my inner self is a must to feel connected for me. Or to feel "right."

    So far I think this thread is great! ha. Keep the ideas coming.

    Scot and any others:
    In Lenore Thompson's book a part that stuck out to me was the Fe reinforces itself as a role it is filling. For example I play hostess, counselor, helper, or plan social activities and reinforce appreciation for the role I play. Not receiving the appreciation for anything unique. And when the unique me gets far enough away from the social role I think I feel unappreciated and off and go into withdraw Ni mode and something feels off or I find anger. I think this is a case for me lately that I realized in taking time for myself and then coming back to hang out AS MYSELF, (not giving, planning, being the funny one,and helping but just being). I don't think I just let myself hang out enough and be relaxed, me. My ISTP friend I have been taking a book club class with is great at this!! She says I am more relaxed around her! I love friends
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  8. #38
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    as Ni perceivers we have a more focused lens of perception. what introverted perception means is that we arrange each connection in a more tightly integrated, detailed way. so when we get stuck on really negative ones, when they are seemingly omnipresent in our environment or we fixate, we need to get away, release negative energy, let the storm blow over and the sun come out so we can see what is actually here and what was only seen thru the lens of a weather disturbance.

    something to open us up, make us breathe, calm our physical bodies down (minds too), and be sane again. make space for the good to come in too.

    in my experience, nfps are probably the best at fostering and supporting this process. altho just communicating helps soooo much, and for that i find other intuitives to be absolutely crucial. for me i rely on enfps, entps, and intjs to help me see the situation from a wider lens.

  9. #39
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    well-said, state...

    my enfp sister is good at seeing when i'm slipping... what did she tell me the other day... "let go, bulldog!"... can't even remember what it was about... my ni had gotten a hold of something bad...

  10. #40
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
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    Default write that down

    To the state I am In: Man how are you this good...

    I need to write all this down cause I tend to forget this info when it seems to be needed.
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

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