[ENFP] Help please from enfp's!

[Wonkavision]

Quote by Kim Basinger that totally describes me and probably lots of other ENFP's
“I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.”

I think that sums it up.

It's risky, but you gotta be yourself.

You will make mistakes and you will do things you regret.

Some will love you for it, and some will hate you for it.

But you will not be happy or well-adjusted if you do not remain true to yourself.

 

[sculpting]

You have built big Te walls to keep you safe. If you let people see the soft Fi underbelly, they will hurt it.

They will. But I think the trick is you have to start to open somewhat and accept that others will hurt you. Feel that pain as your own and dont try and supress it-it will teach you how to move past and recover from being wounded. It gets easier over time with some practice.

The first few times really hurt.

Part of the solution is to find people you can trust to be open and be weird with. And learn to recognize those who you cannot do that with and not invite everyone in. It is an odd balancing act..

 

[CzeCze]

Hmmm, I know this may sound totally hokey unhelpful but life is pain and hardship. It's also joy and happiness.

No, wait, stay with me here!

You need both, and really you need to experience pain to get over the FEAR of pain.

Once you feel pain, you may feel like you're gonna die, but in the end, you know what? You survive You're still here.

And beyond that you have all these wonderful cognitive functions and stuff inside to cope and handle it and turn that painful experience into something wonderful, lessons learned, that will only help you do better in the future.

Pain is a growth process and an opportunity: you will never actualize your full potential without opening yourself up for certain things.

As for your specific business - you may have some haters wondering "what makes you qualified to consult me in my business ventures". But, there are lots of people who make a living helping people do things that they themselves cannot or do not do. If you are gonna fail, you might as fail at something you love. And once you try, you learn, you adapt, you do better - the cornerstone of entrpreneurship! And also, success is for the bold. As an entrepreneur ultimately you make your own way regardless of the naysayers and critics.

ENFPs are tougher than people may give us credit for.

You are tougher than you think you are.

And the best revenge is to fully accept and love yourself and BE yourself.

I have more to say but I'm losing my train of thought...will write more later possibly!

But, thanks for sharing and you've come to a good place (this forum). And your personal battle is a similar one to a lot of other people, members, ENFPs - including ones who post regularly.

 

[Littlelostnf]

Listen to CzeCze.

She's right. She's a mature ENFP. You can't get better than the above advice. I may have said something but the above was what I would have said and since CzeCze is a fellow ENFP, better it's coming from her.

 

[Nillerz]

I know now that I'm not the only ENFP that hides an INFP in their <3s. There have been several threads about this phenomenon in this forum, ENFPs adopt their personality to situation. So if you feel you're 2 different people, just go with it. You're not lying to yourself. Your personality is just very dynamic.

 

[Poki]

I am so damn good at it! But my ability to do this is what scares me the most because when I am doing this is when I am being most authentic.

Just remember some people are ASSHOLES and will do everything and anything to either prove they are better or get as much as they can for as little as possible and they will use all types of tactics to get what they want.

From what I have seen ENFPs tend to be extremely talented at what they do and enjoy doing.

 

[Clonester]

Quote by Kim Basinger that totally describes me and probably lots of other ENFP's
“I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.”

Haha, that's actually my sig.

 

[thinkinjazz]

Do you think it's possible to have an intuition that mostly disapproves of the way society is run? Say you want to do something really crazy like quit school during a horrible economy to figure stuff out- i don't know actually, both my parents are introverted thinkers. If you feel like you've lost touch with you're intuitive side what do you do to get it back? I mean I want to trust it, but it never tells me anything logical and I am afraid it would hurt them. Actually have you ever known any shy Enfps?

 

[Wild horses]

I definatly have two sides to my nature; a very destructive side and a calmer side. the big thing for me was admitting that both are important parts of my nature instead of believeing that one was my authentic self and the other was a mask which I had to fight against. That just got me nowhere and made me feel like my life was one big diet from destruction. Once I accepted my desturctive side it became easier to control. I found that authenticity for me was a dichotomy of two quite different people! Well it's either authentic or bipolar not sure but it's easier than trying to fight the dark side all the time!

 

[Thalassa]

If you met me now I would not seem like an ENFP. I mostly look upset or indifferent. I have created hard exteriors to protect myself from perceived harm from other people. Sometimes I am able to break out of this way of being with strangers but not on a regular basis. I am a lot more comfortable around people I know, I am able to act like myself around them. And they think I am awesome. There were a series of events when I was younger that made me create these hard exteriors.

I want to become an author/consultant/speaker/entrepreneur. What drives me the most is to help people with their issues and help them have happy successful lives. That is what I am most passionate about. These hard exteriors are really getting in my way of accomplishing my goal, my social life and my health. I know an older enfp he is so fucking destructive to himself and at times other people, it is amazing. I am nowhere near as bad as him but I could get that way. I am heading down that road and 11 years from now without change I would be exactly like him. It is scary.

I used to have no clue what I wanted, now I do. I used to think all the time about it. During this time in my life I was pretty destructive. Luckily I have learned to control myself. During this time I switched from job to job, created really hard exteriors, hurt other people, hurt myself, became distrusting, became introverted and no romance. The main thing I want to deal with is the belief that people will hurt me and think I am weird if I act like myself. I have caused a great deal of trouble be not being authentic. Who knew not doing such as simple thing could cause such my much trouble.

Two years ago I decided entrepreneurship was my love. The first business I started was a consulting business called b-emotive. The idea of the business was to do personal/business consulting. Somewhere throughout the start-up process I believed that people would want to see that I was successful in business before I could do consulting for them. This feeling stems back to the belief that people will not understand me and try and hurt me when I am being authentic. It has been two years and 14 other misc. businesses other than consulting later and I have had no success. These two years have been really tough. I was really emotional last night so I watched Rudy and read a whole bunch of forum stuff. After I watched this movie a major realization came to me. I cannot no matter how hard I try do something that I am not passionate about it messes with my inner values. I realized two major other things last night. One, that the consulting business ironically the first business I started was what I was truly passionate about and the only thing I truly want to do. Second, that my belief that people will hurt me if I am authentic with them caused me to not do the business and is a direct contribution to how hard the last two years of my life were and has really has affected my whole life in a negative way. The funny thing about this is I am so good at understanding where people are coming from and knowing the right way to deal with them to inspire change in their business/personal lives. I could write many books about the subject. And conduct many speeches about it. I am so damn good at it! But my ability to do this is what scares me the most because when I am doing this is when I am being most authentic.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
I would like to know how to longer fear what people will think of me when I am being authentic it is the source of all my many past and present issues. It is almost comical that I am afraid of doing the thing that brings me the most joy and will bring me the most amount of success.

Quote by Kim Basinger that totally describes me and probably lots of other ENFP's
“I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.”

Something funny just occured to me starting a successful consulting business is being successful in business

You know I relate to you in general, even if not in the specifics. I used to be really directionless and took pretty big risks and lived pretty haphazardly. One day I woke up and realized that wasn't going to work for the rest of my life, to put it mildly, so I slowly became the exact opposite: over-serious, focused on achievement, relatively alone, and grasping for security.

My conclusion now is that neither extreme is good. There must be integration. There are important things about the person "I used to be" that I don't think should be buried under this desperate ploy for "maturity." More and more I'm realizing that I'll only be happy if I'm authentic, and to be authentic and make it through the rest of my life, I have to find a balance between these two selves I've created.

I don't know if this helps at all, but I do relate somewhat to what you're going through.

 

[Into It]

Who knew not doing such as simple thing could cause such my much trouble.

I lol'd when I read that sentence!

You sound intelligent, if for no other reason than because you have identified both your problem and the cause. I strongly believe things will get better for you in time, but I hope things get better for you soon. It's a tricky thing that you're dealing with, and I don't really think I can help, but I will type a few more sentences and we'll see what I've thought of by the time they are typed.

People may make fun of you when you are being yourself. They will do so in direct proportion to just how weird you are, really. But the question is not really how weird you are, it's how to define and qualify weirdness. For good measure, I actually looked up the definition. It's "fantastic; bizarre." Wouldn't you know it, that's exactly what I was thinking. What is fantastic must by necessity not be commonplace. Stated another way, what is fantastic must necessarilly be weird. Interesting, you're actually a step ahead. But if you were a fantastic person, and perhaps you are, do you think everyone would celebrate you for it? Sure, if you saved babies from fires all day! But there is so much beauty that goes unseen, and even more that is in plain view but simply not appreciated. I am guessing that you have already noticed that the wise and wonderful beings of this planet have never failed to destroy beauty and greatness where it has occurred. Don't expect respect from the unrespectable.

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds," said someone once, I think. And even if they didn't, it's true.

If you were able to break out of your shell all at once, here is what would happen.

1)People would in general probably enjoy your company more, as you say you have become more introverted than you should be.

2)Most people would recognize after a short period of time that you are not a person to be lumped in with the rest, for better or for worse.

2a)Some people would perhaps want nothing to do with you, I suppose, though I admit this category would be quite small unless you're a really sick puppy.

2b)Some people will find you charming. This category would certainly be larger.

3)Someone would tell you that a part of you that you think is good, they think is bad. You would dwell on this longer than is necessary or appropriate.

4)Someone would like you for exactly who you are, and this is the reward to seek. Being understood for just who I am really does it for me, and I think many NFs feel this way.

So the answer's actually really simple, and it's nothing you don't understand already, that some will think you're weird and some won't. But I've always gained a moderate (if false) sense of superiority from those who dislike me for my strangeness. I simply am. They are the ones incapable of understanding. I don't give them too much thought, and it works out fine, because those who can appreciate you for who you are will always make better company.

 

[Wonkavision]

Just for the record, I did not create this thread.

It looks like the Mods screwed something up.