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Thread: infj passion

  1. #31
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    This INFJ is 25 and has yet to feel passionate love for anyone. Any other INFJs are "broken" in terms of that? It suits me fine personally; I'm a misanthrope anyhow.

  2. #32
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    passion brings an intense focus into a relationship. it makes you want this person again and again. can't get enough. don't see anyone else.

    i don't know, i just have gotten the impression from most of the infjs that i have met that they rarely had this kind of experience. that rather than find a relationship that is perfect, most kind of just stick eventually in one and, bc it satisfies some of their needs, call it good.
    Are you positive you're talking about the same type I am? You know, the Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging type? That there are INFJs that don't experience passion is news to me. The bolded statement just might go down as newsflash of the year for me. Actually, this whole thread might.

    Maybe you should meet some of the ones I know. Their lives are the kind of stuff stories of romantic courage and tragic love are made of.

    I know INFJs that are in unhappy relationships but...they're unhappy about it. They are not saying "Hey, good enough!"

    compassion is something you give to everyone. passion is what makes you ignore everyone else bc all you want is this person. you are fucking in love with what he/she has to give you, and probably even more so, who he or she (in your mind) is.
    Then INFJs have both. Seriously. Why do you think other types love the INFJ? Because they make the person feel like their life revolves around them.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by scortia View Post
    This INFJ is 25 and has yet to feel passionate love for anyone. Any other INFJs are "broken" in terms of that? It suits me fine personally; I'm a misanthrope anyhow.
    Somehow, I can relate to this. I haven't felt that head-over-heels kind of passion for someone. Whenever I think about love, I always think of it in general terms, such as love for people as a whole, helping them somehow, relating to them.

    It's like it all can't fit into one person. I think I may end up alone, after all.

    And like you, it kinda suits me just fine.
    Yes, I take it with no cream and no sugar.

    And yes, some of us drink it bitter.

  4. #34
    Senior Member amelie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    but what makes you passionately love someone? what makes you want one specific person more than anyone and everyone else? do infjs feel this happen for them easily, often, etc?
    Are you thinking about falling in love, or staying in love, or both? There are times now, after all the time with my husband, that I feel passionately towards him, but I don't think it's possible to maintain that kind of intensity over a long-term. Yeah, the idealist in me would like it to be that way, but for me, it's not realistic to be feeling madly in love at every second. I feel very committed to him - and in a really perfectionistic way that I am stubborn about - this is it for me for life. Failure isn't an option. The combination of passion and stubbornness is what keeps me going, and don't understimate the stubborn in that equation.

  5. #35
    Junior Member lumikuu's Avatar
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    "nothing's as perfect as you can imagine it."

    "the best love affairs are the kind we never had."

    infjs relate to being quirkyalone?
    :P

    i feel passionate about people i'm infatuated with in that focused, obsessive way, sometimes for as long a time as real relationships last, projecting my "needs" and ideals onto them because there is a hint of attraction and intrigue.. but i'm not sure if i'd want to meet/date them because it might taint the ideal. i can't say i've ever been in love even though sometimes i think i feel more passionately for my LOs than the facebook updates from teenage couples these days claiming they're in love after going out for three days.

    if i want to be with them that much, i'd be ready for commitment and i wouldn't trust myself not to screw things up by jumping in straight away. because i have such high standards i tend to assume others do too. that's intimidating so i prefer a more casual demand of befriending them first and reserving love so i can suss out how much i'm willing to compromise my standards and lay my ego out on the chopping block. :P

    sometimes i feel like i've already given so much internally that it's difficult to risk losing anymore as absurd as that sounds.. for the same reason infjs have their guard up for fear of losing control of that vulnerability. most people would say you don't have anything to lose, but it's like i'd rather live with the possibility than crystallise the shattered reality while still believing whether it happens or not is all a dream anyway.

    having many different prospective mates seems more plausible at this stage, but i still prefer the idea of one person being most perfect for you, as if the timing of your life stages and needs were aligned as astrologically close as possible since i'm far from adaptable. xD even with friends, each will understand and relate to different aspects of you, but rarely do they appreciate the whole package, or the core of me- i'd need my SO to be able to embrace the heavy/somber/intense side too, because that's where the deepest love arises from.

    i've always got the ideal in mind and in a way, i can access it anytime. inspiration is more easily envisaged than implemented in reality. maybe it's naive but i don't always believe that the real thing will be better than the ideal, because even in my friendships it hasn't been. i crave personal intimacy but most relationships lack the consistency. i try to compensate with imaginative intimacy, and it consists of just as many fluctuations between emptiness and fulfillment as 'real love.'

    eh, every feeling is somewhat inherently empty and passion originates from 'passio' meaning to suffer. D:
    *shrug* whether i find concrete love or not, i'll still be able to breathe. i'll be okay i want more to be able to focus on the Fe compassion and expect little in return. leaves room for surprises. otherwise, a no strings attached kind of giving can also be quite rewarding.
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  6. #36
    Senior Member statuesquechica's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Are you positive you're talking about the same type I am? You know, the Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging type? That there are INFJs that don't experience passion is news to me. The bolded statement just might go down as newsflash of the year for me. Actually, this whole thread might.
    This is my feeling exactly as I read through this thread. I have to say I am really surprised at the number of people who seem resigned to no passion or love in their lives, perhaps relying too strongly on a "stereotypical" INFJ, which just seems so sad in so many respects. That is just a guess on my part.

    When I read other responses I kept thinking how different I am in regard to passion and how accessible it seems to me...if I feel a connection intellectually and I can exercise my Ti, Fe, and Fi that can be the beginnings of a serious bond. Of course physical presence is important, but truly the path for me to open up to someone (emotionally and physically) begins purely with that other person's mind/values/intelligence. They have to exhude some passion in their life and transmit that to me. That is what captures my imagination about the person, and ultimately captures me.
    I've looked at life from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It's life's illusions I recall
    I really don't know life at all

    Joni Mitchell

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I'm beginning to feel a little iffy on assigning set cognitive orders to types. According to my cognitive tests, Fi is only slightly behind Fe and Ti. And other INFJs test similarly. We could all just be delusional, but I doubt it.
    In my cognitive test results, my distribution sounds similar to yours.

    On a different note:

    Generally, I look for friends. People that grab my attention are intelligent, logical, and passionate about something. Individuals that are open to possibilities instead of feeling limited by their surroundings tend to open my eyes as well.
    Last edited by Oddly Refined; 08-08-2009 at 07:06 AM. Reason: grammar and clarification.
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  8. #38
    Member shimsham's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    I was wondering, about the "Sex-VS-Love" thing.
    I think I've always had an issue disentangling the two. But I'm also not really attracted to someone unless I get a sense of an emotional and intellectual connection with them. They could be the most physically attractive man on the planet but if we don't match intellectually then there's just no spark for me. So if I find myself having a connection with someone, why would I just want to have casual sex with them? That's the way it's always been for me, at least- I have no moral issues with casual relationships, they just leave me feeling vaguely unfulfilled.

    As for passion, love, etc, I have high standards, but I also fall in love with everyone. It's sort of hard to explain. I'm working on it, trying to relax my standards a bit and also try not to fall so hard and fast when I do. It just smacks of immature behavior to me, and I don't like it.

  9. #39
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    but what makes you passionately love someone? what makes you want one specific person more than anyone and everyone else? do infjs feel this happen for them easily, often, etc?
    I don't feel this happens to me often at all, and it makes me sad that it doesn't...as one of the best feelings in the world for me is to be passionately in love with someone, and I love being in love. But it's such a rare thing when I meet someone who I can fall in love with, so I have long gaps between these times, and begin feeling hopeless about all of it.

    Anyway, for me, I have always been quite drawn to extroverts. I believe it is because I am so solitary, and had such a withdrawn childhood, that I require someone extroverted to draw me out. I also am that much more drawn to extroverts, because they are so intriguing/different from me, and I admire many of their qualities simply because I lack them and find beauty in them. I have fallen in love with two EP's - one ExTP, one E??P.

    As for why I fell in love with them and not with others, I was drawn to their extroverted nature for sure, they both were rather independent, walking to the beat of their own drum, both were incredibly passionate/almost sensual, which I found quite attractive, the chemistry with both was insane..we just complemented each other well and fed off each other in terms of conversation. It flowed, and felt quite natural.

    I require passion in my romantic relationships, and frankly I have no desire for a romantic relationship which is lacking in that chemistry (and while chemistry must have a physical component to it, it is also a blending of the emotional and intellectual and 'spiritual' (although not in a religious sense) as well); without it, it is purely a good friendship. I recognize there don't seem to be many who are as black and white about this as I am, though.

    (I also fell in love with someone of totally unknown type - a possible xNFJ, but I truly have no idea. But with him, too, it was just an instantaneous connection on all levels. I've noticed many scoff at this notion of instantaneous anything, and argue many things can build over time, and many things require time (and I can't exactly disagree with that), but since it HAS happened to me, I know it's possible)
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  10. #40
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    the whole purpose of this thread is to ask why, at times, it seems like infjs just DO NOT feel the passion.
    I don't feel the passion whenever I'm with someone I'm trying to convince myself I have a passion for. The minute I start rationalizing a relationship, that's a bad sign. If I don't have that all-consuming feeling deep within for them, and that intense desire to be with them, then I may spend time trying to convince myself of that feeling -- which you can't do. You can't create a feeling when it isn't there of its own accord.

    I know in the past I've stayed with a few people I wasn't utterly passionate for because I had given up hope/my ideals that it was possible to find someone who I felt passionate about -- again, because it's so rare that it happens. BUT that's a cop out, that's selling myself short. Even if I so rarely meet that special person, it's not worth NOT waiting for them. I don't want anything less. And yes...I'm likely committing myself to old-maid-dom, but so it is.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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