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Thread: infj passion

  1. #21
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    Yeah, you are probably correct, but he still needs it. Too much thinking.
    True. But I need it too sometimes :/
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  2. #22
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I do agree to an extent. Which is why I keep my eyes open for prospects
    Some of the best connections I've ever expirenced where with unexpected people at unexpected times.

    We met in odd ways, had odd conversations and then passion and connection was born.

    I would never change those expirences. Ever

    Really bad matches via MBTI though. Rewarding for me though.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  3. #23
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    Some of the best connections I've ever expirenced where with unexpected people at unexpected times.

    We met in odd ways, had odd conversations and then passion and connection was born.

    I would never change those expirences. Ever

    Really bad matches via MBTI though. Rewarding for me though.
    How long did these connections last?

  4. #24
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    How long did these connections last?
    Sometimes a few months, sometimes we stay friends for years, sometimes they fade away, sometimes I fade away.

    It really depends on the people though.

    Romantic interests havent been the best expirences for me though, even with those of ideal MBTI matches.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  5. #25
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    I've only had one relationship in my life so far where I really opened the doors, let myself be vulnerable, let the passion out and let myself love freely. I had always wanted a relationship like that but hadn't found it, it often felt like I had this big brimming well of feelings that could not be expressed until I found that person. When I loved him, it really was like an explosion of all these feelings finally having a place to go whereas before that they had just been ideas in my head. I had spent years imagining and projecting what they might feel like, but I had never imagined anything close to what it did feel like.

    People I take a fancy to are few and far between, and even when I do fancy someone I tend to take it easy. I'm definitely not a 'love at first sight' sort of person, I might be attracted as hell but love is in a different category. My main distraction is that I want to be FRIENDS with him first, and really good friends at that. So really, all I ever do is look for friends, it's just I hope one of them might turn out to be a love.

    I guess it's that picky thing. I mean I'm passionate about the things I believe in, passionate about art and creativity, passionate about a lot of things. That intimate passion though, it's like it sort of just bubbles here in me and I don't let just anyone see it. I try not to put that stuff up on a pedestal, I try not to guard it so much it becomes like this fragile piece of blown glass. I knew going into my last relationship that putting my passion and love out there was risking getting hurt, I didn't let the fear of getting hurt prevent me from giving it. I've been hurt now, the rejection and the abandonment, but I'm still not going to let it stop me from giving it again one day if I find that right person.

    To me I guess these certain things inside me which are hidden from most people are what sets my intimate relationships apart and gives them the most distinction for me or something. I don't look at these things inside me like some lofty, exclusive club that others should be just DYING to get into, I just look at it like "These are special parts of me that not everyone gets to have". It's not bait or a bargaining chip, I don't even mention it, I just give it when I know I'm with someone I want to give it to.

    Hope that all made sense!!

    I was wondering, about the "Sex-VS-Love" thing. Before I had that real intimate relationship, it was so damn easy for me to separate the two. I had my flings and just enjoyed the physical rewards without feeling emotional attachment with those who wanted the same thing. It was great! I'd never had the real passion and intimacy WITH the physical before, but now that I have I am not sure I can ever go back to sex for sex sake. Which SUCKS now that I'm single. Anyone else experienced that?
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  6. #26
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    I've only had one relationship in my life so far where I really opened the doors, let myself be vulnerable, let the passion out and let myself love freely. I had always wanted a relationship like that but hadn't found it, it often felt like I had this big brimming well of feelings that could not be expressed until I found that person. When I loved him, it really was like an explosion of all these feelings finally having a place to go whereas before that they had just been ideas in my head. I had spent years imagining and projecting what they might feel like, but I had never imagined anything close to what it did feel like.

    People I take a fancy to are few and far between, and even when I do fancy someone I tend to take it easy. I'm definitely not a 'love at first sight' sort of person, I might be attracted as hell but love is in a different category. My main distraction is that I want to be FRIENDS with him first, and really good friends at that. So really, all I ever do is look for friends, it's just I hope one of them might turn out to be a love.

    I guess it's that picky thing. I mean I'm passionate about the things I believe in, passionate about art and creativity, passionate about a lot of things. That intimate passion though, it's like it sort of just bubbles here in me and I don't let just anyone see it. I try not to put that stuff up on a pedestal, I try not to guard it so much it becomes like this fragile piece of blown glass. I knew going into my last relationship that putting my passion and love out there was risking getting hurt, I didn't let the fear of getting hurt prevent me from giving it. I've been hurt now, the rejection and the abandonment, but I'm still not going to let it stop me from giving it again one day if I find that right person.

    To me I guess these certain things inside me which are hidden from most people are what sets my intimate relationships apart and gives them the most distinction for me or something. I don't look at these things inside me like some lofty, exclusive club that others should be just DYING to get into, I just look at it like "These are special parts of me that not everyone gets to have". It's not bait or a bargaining chip, I don't even mention it, I just give it when I know I'm with someone I want to give it to.

    Hope that all made sense!!

    I was wondering, about the "Sex-VS-Love" thing. Before I had that real intimate relationship, it was so damn easy for me to separate the two. I had my flings and just enjoyed the physical rewards without feeling emotional attachment with those who wanted the same thing. It was great! I'd never had the real passion and intimacy WITH the physical before, but now that I have I am not sure I can ever go back to sex for sex sake. Which SUCKS now that I'm single. Anyone else experienced that?
    I love being friends first and then escalating as needed from there. FRIENDS I WANT A SO that is my friend
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  7. #27
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    F is a big part of making me want anything.

    the whole purpose of this thread is to ask why, at times, it seems like infjs just DO NOT feel the passion. and it's not a lack of sexual desire. it's a lack of focus on one person. it makes you feel off and uninspired in the relationship. and just more generally, it feels like infjs are just often not in touch with their core needs in relationships and their core desires.

    Fe feels sporadic and all-over-the-place. it doesn't seem to prioritize like Fi does, is worse at weighing feelings and creating sound and stable judgments. instead i feel like we are all-too-often trying to take care of the feelings of the other person, regardless of whether they rev us up. or we are just pushing off our excess on someone else.

    it seems more like compassion than passion, to me.

  8. #28
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    the whole purpose of this thread is to ask why, at times, it seems like infjs just DO NOT feel the passion. and it's not a lack of sexual desire. it's a lack of focus on one person.
    Perhaps you don't feel the passion. But I do, I really do. And plenty of other INFJs do as well. We just look like cold fish.

    It's interesting that you mention a lack of focus on a single person. I thought that was an INFJ specialty? Personally, I work with people on a one-to-one basis. It's never scattered or lacking in focus, and certainly my romantic relationships are not lacking in focus.

    it makes you feel off and uninspired in the relationship.
    Uninspiring people make me feel off and uninspired

    Fe feels sporadic and all-over-the-place. it doesn't seem to prioritize like Fi does, is worse at weighing feelings and creating sound and stable judgments. instead i feel like we are all-too-often trying to take care of the feelings of the other person, regardless of whether they rev us up. or we are just pushing off our excess on someone else.
    I'm beginning to feel a little iffy on assigning set cognitive orders to types. According to my cognitive tests, Fi is only slightly behind Fe and Ti. And other INFJs test similarly. We could all just be delusional, but I doubt it.

    it seems more like compassion than passion, to me.
    How are you defining passion?

  9. #29
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    F is a big part of making me want anything.

    the whole purpose of this thread is to ask why, at times, it seems like infjs just DO NOT feel the passion. and it's not a lack of sexual desire. it's a lack of focus on one person. it makes you feel off and uninspired in the relationship. and just more generally, it feels like infjs are just often not in touch with their core needs in relationships and their core desires.

    Fe feels sporadic and all-over-the-place. it doesn't seem to prioritize like Fi does, is worse at weighing feelings and creating sound and stable judgments. instead i feel like we are all-too-often trying to take care of the feelings of the other person, regardless of whether they rev us up. or we are just pushing off our excess on someone else.

    it seems more like compassion than passion, to me.
    I have no idea what the Fi and Fe stuff actually represents as I have not delved that far into MBTI yet, but...

    I suppose I personally DO weigh my feelings. I have met people I will just naturally feel an affection for, but I don't express it. For me, I guess I have met way too many people where I let my feelings just BE MY FEELINGS with them, but then I ended up with emotional vampires or people who basically just wanted me around because of how I made them feel about THEMSELVES, not who I was as a person.

    Not sure if it's the Judgment part, but say I meet a guy, have a few great conversations with him, feel attracted, but then I find out he's married or in a relationship already. It's like the feeling is just cut off immediately, and while I might still feel 'He's a great guy', I no longer progress into any attachment. I just don't. I suppose this could come off as calculating and robotic or something, but for me I guess it's always been my way of protecting my best interest.

    I'm just talking about the things I can clearly qualify in my head as complications I don't want. I have felt plenty of love for people that were not good relationships for me to have, but when I clearly see a reason it's not a good idea in my head, I 'manage' my feelings I guess you'd say. It's that data in my head at work, the collection of my experiences and deep observations, and I make a lot of choices that way. I try very hard not to decide how something is going to end by comparing it to the past, I do ignore certain things. It's just in some cases I click the feelings off because I figure "There are billions of people out there, the world isn't going to end if I don't connect with this particular person".

    When it comes to someone whom I feel that passion for, I could probably go on for another 80 paragraphs explaining the whys and whats of my personal preferences, but those details are beside the point. I'm like anyone I think, someone who sparks me and gets me excited, someone I connect with, someone with their own unique ideas and insights with things to teach me, stuff like that. Not everyone has that for me, and so I don't feel the passion.
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  10. #30
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    "they can not imagine themselves happy over the long-term with anyone else"

    above is a quotation from the wikipedia article on the triangular theory of love. passion brings an intense focus into a relationship. it makes you want this person again and again. can't get enough. don't see anyone else.

    i don't know, i just have gotten the impression from most of the infjs that i have met that they rarely had this kind of experience. that rather than find a relationship that is perfect, most kind of just stick eventually in one and, bc it satisfies some of their needs, call it good. i can't tell if this is ridiculous relationship perfectionism/idealism, or if the timing/situation are just more difficult for most infjs (probably true of most inxx types). and the others are just difficult and mostly give up on the value of a serious ltr.

    i am an intense person. i am focused and attentive. i prefer intimate situations and one-on-one interactions in most instances. i am just feeling very out-of-touch with what makes me choose one person over another. for something so significant as a serious relationship.

    compassion is something you give to everyone. passion is what makes you ignore everyone else bc all you want is this person. you are fucking in love with what he/she has to give you, and probably even more so, who he or she (in your mind) is.

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