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  1. #1
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    Default INFJ seems like an "S"

    hey guys - this is lame because i think i'm just posting this because i need support / reassurance / something . . . I am an ENFP & I've been seeing an INFJ for about 1 year now, on & off but now finally very "on" . . . we are finally to the point where we see each other regularly . . . anyways I'm positive he's an INFJ but disappointed with our conversations / communication as all of our conversations are quite "sensory" . . . and i was really expecting much more "depth" out of him. I really like him & want this to work out but often find myself feeling unfulfilled by the lack of emotional "connection" / lack of those soulful talks like i used to have with the INFP i dated previously . . . so maybe it will just take time seeing as INFJs take a long time to open up or could it be that he is incapable??? i'm scared to keep going & getting more attached to him because of my "dream / idealistic vision" of what an INFJ can be . . . when maybe i should focus on reality & "wake up" & stop hoping to see more of his intuitive side. he is 30 years old by the way.

  2. #2
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Maybe you're an INFJ is an "S." INFJs can not avoid their primary function as much as they can the others. And Ni is anything but sensory.
    Likes five sounds liked this post

  3. #3
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Hmm no soulful talks? At first I was going with you are wanting something that isn't real because of your "wanting" an INFJ. (I still think that's probably partially true) but if you aren't having interesting in depth conversations with him I would wonder about him being INFJ.

    I wonder if my husband, INFJ, is ISFJ sometimes even though he tested relatively high on N on a test he took. I think it is because of the confusing NF/J grouping. It doesn't always fit what an ENFP would expect.

  4. #4
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    i guess that i'm used to connecting with my best friends & ex's through the introverted feeling function that we all shared (ISFPs, INFPs, ENFPs) & there is just something "missing" with the INFJ that I am not used to . . . & I have trouble opening up to him because of the lack of emotional connection / lack of soulful talks & so when we hang out he just talks about what he wants to buy, where he wants to go, what he needs to do over & over & so this makes him seem like a sensor to me. how utterly disappointing! when i do try to have a different kind of conversation with him he looks bored & doesn't really give me eye contact or "active listening cues" . . . so i just change the subject & write it off that maybe i'm being too girly.

    - Ugh! you finally snag yourself an INFJ come to find out you had more meaningful conversation with your ISFP ex for gods sakes! - just need to vent sorry!

  5. #5
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    What makes you think he's an INFJ?
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  6. #6
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    lane 777, here's my reasons for thinking he's an INFJ:

    1) gave him the test & he came out INFJ
    2) he has a degree in fine arts
    3) he currently works with developmentally disabled children
    4) he LOVES animals & nature (loves camping)
    5) he is really good at chess & loves it
    6) he has deep penetrating eyes that "move" me just looking into them - woah!
    7) he was a vegetarian for a while
    8) his best friends are an INTP & ENFJ
    9) he used to have a drug problem

    i could say more . . . but i am convinced by all of this
    Last edited by revolve; 08-06-2009 at 11:02 AM. Reason: left out info

  7. #7
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    <snip> so when we hang out he just talks about what he wants to buy, where he wants to go, what he needs to do over & over & so this makes him seem like a sensor to me. how utterly disappointing! when i do try to have a different kind of conversation with him he looks bored & doesn't really give me eye contact or "active listening cues" . . . so i just change the subject & write it off that maybe i'm being too girly. <snip>
    Does not sound INFJ to me. Except the "what he needs to do" - he can definitely get caught up in that. The lack of deep conversations is really not sounding right to me for an INFJ though.

  8. #8
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    OK, he's an S or seems like one because you can't have deep, soulful conversations?

    Am I getting this right?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  9. #9
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    lane 777, here's my reasons for thinking he's an INFJ:

    1) gave him the test & he came out INFJ
    2) he has a degree in fine arts
    3) he currently works with developmentally disabled children
    4) he LOVES animals & nature (loves camping)
    5) he is really good at chess & loves it
    6) he has deep penetrating eyes that "move" me just looking into them - woah!
    7) he was a vegetarian for a while
    8) his best friends are an INTP & ENFJ
    9) he used to have a drug problem

    i could say more . . . but i am convinced by all of this
    None of these are good reasons to say that he is for sure INFJ. INFPs, ISFPs, and ISFJs can all mistype as INFJs, and do pretty often from what I can tell. And INFJs certainly don't have a monopoly on loving animals and children, or drug use.

    I highly doubt he is INFJ. The way that INFJs are accustomed to connecting with others (especially in romantic relationships), is by "soul" sharing. If he is not doing this at all, you may want to see what other types are available. And talk to him about this issue you're having.

  10. #10
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    OK, he's an S or seems like one because you can't have deep, soulful conversations?

    Am I getting this right?
    Yeah... That doesn't have much to do with S. My last girlfriend was an INFP and we didn't have any soulful or deep conversations... or much of a "connection".
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

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