[INFJ] INFJ seems like an "S"

[revolve]

hey guys - this is lame because i think i'm just posting this because i need support / reassurance / something . . . I am an ENFP & I've been seeing an INFJ for about 1 year now, on & off but now finally very "on" . . . we are finally to the point where we see each other regularly . . . anyways I'm positive he's an INFJ but disappointed with our conversations / communication as all of our conversations are quite "sensory" . . . and i was really expecting much more "depth" out of him. I really like him & want this to work out but often find myself feeling unfulfilled by the lack of emotional "connection" / lack of those soulful talks like i used to have with the INFP i dated previously . . . so maybe it will just take time seeing as INFJs take a long time to open up or could it be that he is incapable??? i'm scared to keep going & getting more attached to him because of my "dream / idealistic vision" of what an INFJ can be . . . when maybe i should focus on reality & "wake up" & stop hoping to see more of his intuitive side. he is 30 years old by the way.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Maybe you're an INFJ is an "S." INFJs can not avoid their primary function as much as they can the others. And Ni is anything but sensory.

 

[Laurie]

Hmm no soulful talks? At first I was going with you are wanting something that isn't real because of your "wanting" an INFJ. (I still think that's probably partially true) but if you aren't having interesting in depth conversations with him I would wonder about him being INFJ.

I wonder if my husband, INFJ, is ISFJ sometimes even though he tested relatively high on N on a test he took. I think it is because of the confusing NF/J grouping. It doesn't always fit what an ENFP would expect.

 

[revolve]

i guess that i'm used to connecting with my best friends & ex's through the introverted feeling function that we all shared (ISFPs, INFPs, ENFPs) & there is just something "missing" with the INFJ that I am not used to . . . & I have trouble opening up to him because of the lack of emotional connection / lack of soulful talks & so when we hang out he just talks about what he wants to buy, where he wants to go, what he needs to do over & over & so this makes him seem like a sensor to me. how utterly disappointing! when i do try to have a different kind of conversation with him he looks bored & doesn't really give me eye contact or "active listening cues" . . . so i just change the subject & write it off that maybe i'm being too girly.

- Ugh! you finally snag yourself an INFJ come to find out you had more meaningful conversation with your ISFP ex for gods sakes! - just need to vent sorry!

 

[lane777]

What makes you think he's an INFJ?

 

[revolve]

lane 777, here's my reasons for thinking he's an INFJ:

1) gave him the test & he came out INFJ
2) he has a degree in fine arts
3) he currently works with developmentally disabled children
4) he LOVES animals & nature (loves camping)
5) he is really good at chess & loves it
6) he has deep penetrating eyes that "move" me just looking into them - woah!
7) he was a vegetarian for a while
8) his best friends are an INTP & ENFJ
9) he used to have a drug problem

i could say more . . . but i am convinced by all of this

 

[Laurie]

<snip> so when we hang out he just talks about what he wants to buy, where he wants to go, what he needs to do over & over & so this makes him seem like a sensor to me. how utterly disappointing! when i do try to have a different kind of conversation with him he looks bored & doesn't really give me eye contact or "active listening cues" . . . so i just change the subject & write it off that maybe i'm being too girly. <snip>

Does not sound INFJ to me. Except the "what he needs to do" - he can definitely get caught up in that. The lack of deep conversations is really not sounding right to me for an INFJ though.

 

[proteanmix]

OK, he's an S or seems like one because you can't have deep, soulful conversations?

Am I getting this right?

 

[Lauren Ashley]

lane 777, here's my reasons for thinking he's an INFJ:

1) gave him the test & he came out INFJ
2) he has a degree in fine arts
3) he currently works with developmentally disabled children
4) he LOVES animals & nature (loves camping)
5) he is really good at chess & loves it
6) he has deep penetrating eyes that "move" me just looking into them - woah!
7) he was a vegetarian for a while
8) his best friends are an INTP & ENFJ
9) he used to have a drug problem

i could say more . . . but i am convinced by all of this

None of these are good reasons to say that he is for sure INFJ. INFPs, ISFPs, and ISFJs can all mistype as INFJs, and do pretty often from what I can tell. And INFJs certainly don't have a monopoly on loving animals and children, or drug use.

I highly doubt he is INFJ. The way that INFJs are accustomed to connecting with others (especially in romantic relationships), is by "soul" sharing. If he is not doing this at all, you may want to see what other types are available. And talk to him about this issue you're having.

 

[BlackCat]

OK, he's an S or seems like one because you can't have deep, soulful conversations?

Am I getting this right?

Yeah... That doesn't have much to do with S. My last girlfriend was an INFP and we didn't have any soulful or deep conversations... or much of a "connection".

 

[lane777]

lane 777, here's my reasons for thinking he's an INFJ:

1) gave him the test & he came out INFJ
2) he has a degree in fine arts
3) he currently works with developmentally disabled children
4) he LOVES animals & nature (loves camping)
5) he is really good at chess & loves it
6) he has deep penetrating eyes that "move" me just looking into them - woah!
7) he was a vegetarian for a while
8) his best friends are an INTP & ENFJ
9) he used to have a drug problem

i could say more . . . but i am convinced by all of this

1) Tests are useless.
2) Not INFJ exclusive
3) Not INFJ exclusive
4) Not INFJ exclusive
5) Not INFJ exclusive
6) We are known for that aren't we? Still not a deal sealer though
7) Not INFJ exclusive
8) Irrelevant
9) Irrelevant

I would need more information, but your best bet would be to consider the ISFJ INFJ's are often mistaken for ISFJ's (as are INFP's - but given that he doesn't care for the abstract or theory world, I'd skip it).

 

[lane777]

Yeah... That doesn't have much to do with S. My last girlfriend was an INFP and we didn't have any soulful or deep conversations... or much of a "connection".

Yes it does (although there are exceptions).

N vs S

 

[revolve]

OK, he's an S or seems like one because you can't have deep, soulful conversations?

Am I getting this right?

yes proteanmix you are getting this right

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Yes it does (although there are exceptions).

N vs S

"Soulful" and "deep" are relative and vague terms. It depends on who is making them. I don't see Sensors as having any less depth of feeling, but the way they express this is different from an Intuitive.

 

[proteanmix]

yes proteanmix you are getting this right

Is everyone you can't have a soulful conversation with an S?

 

[revolve]

"Soulful" and "deep" are relative and vague terms. It depends on who is making them. I don't see Sensors as having any less depth of feeling, but the way they express this is different from an Intuitive.

I know I know . . . and i agree with you but I guess that "intuitive way" of expressing is very important to me in a significant other . . . i'm just having doubts, frustration, insecurity . . . i don't know what i'm talking about ever . . . bleh! feeling panicky & you guys are great - thanks for your insight. don't want to date anyone . . . i think i'll just drop his ass . . .

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I know I know . . . and i agree with you but I guess that "intuitive way" of expressing is very important to me in a significant other . . . i'm just having doubts, frustration, insecurity . . . i don't know what i'm talking about ever . . . bleh! feeling panicky & you guys are great - thanks for your insight. don't want to date anyone . . . i think i'll just drop his ass . . .

Have you spoken to him about this?

 

[cascadeco]

i guess that i'm used to connecting with my best friends & ex's through the introverted feeling function that we all shared (ISFPs, INFPs, ENFPs) & there is just something "missing" with the INFJ that I am not used to . . .

I don't really want to debate whether your boyfriend is an INFJ or instead an ISFJ, but just want to point out that the manner in which you would 'connect' with Fi dom's would be pretty different from the manner with which you connect with non-Fi doms. For example, I can get into incredibly deep conversations with my fellow INFJ's, and NT types, but there is definitely a difference with those who are more Fi dominant. It is not that there is a lack of ability to connect in a deep and meaningful way, but rather that we speak different languages and it's not nearly so automatic as it is for me with others. It may be that he doesn't know how to engage you at the level he wants, and it's just the combination of your two personalities/dispositions. But really, I don't know. That's just another possibility.

But as to your list of why you think he's INFJ, I agree with lane that those items aren't really type specific.

 

[revolve]

Is everyone you can't have a soulful conversation with an S?

i have been close to a lot of "S" & my ex of 9 years was an ISFP & he always wants me back & I guess I just came here with this thread because the ISFP is stressin' me out with his always being there for me business / & it makes me doubt the direction I am going in . . . with the INFJ . . . I so hate being an ENFP . . . i feel like ya'll all think I am crazy & dumb . . . "the story of my life" . . . good day!

 

[lane777]

"Soulful" and "deep" are relative and vague terms. It depends on who is making them. I don't see Sensors as having any less depth of feeling, but the way they express this is different from an Intuitive.

all of our conversations are quite "sensory"

That's what I was going by, actually She was making a definite statement, so I just went with it.