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  1. #21
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lane777 View Post
    That's what I was going by, actually She was making a definite statement, so I just went with it.
    Okay. Gotcha. Just wanted to put it out there. S types are always getting dumped on by this forum as lesser mortals, and I see how something like that could be very invalidating for them to read.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I don't really want to debate whether your boyfriend is an INFJ or instead an ISFJ, but just want to point out that the manner in which you would 'connect' with Fi dom's would be pretty different from the manner with which you connect with non-Fi doms. For example, I can get into incredibly deep conversations with my fellow INFJ's, and NT types, but there is definitely a difference with those who are more Fi dominant. It is not that there is a lack of ability to connect in a deep and meaningful way, but rather that we speak different languages and it's not nearly so automatic as it is for me with others. It may be that he doesn't know how to engage you at the level he wants, and it's just the combination of your two personalities/dispositions. But really, I don't know. That's just another possibility.

    But as to your list of why you think he's INFJ, I agree with lane that those items aren't really type specific.

    yeah, i think you hit the nail on the head or whatever they say - so help . . .how do i get past this with him . . . i'm sick of waiting . . .any tips?

  3. #23
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    i have been close to a lot of "S" & my ex of 9 years was an ISFP & he always wants me back & I guess I just came here with this thread because the ISFP is stressin' me out with his always being there for me business / & it makes me doubt the direction I am going in . . . with the INFJ . . . I so hate being an ENFP . . . i feel like ya'll all think I am crazy & dumb . . . "the story of my life" . . . good day!
    Hold up don't go running out! Why are you getting upset?

    OK, seriously...I asked you those questions because like many people have come through the forum with relationship advice questions you seem to be conflating separate problems.

    As others brought up, your communication problem may not be a S/N. You're connecting deep and soulful with N and the lack thereof with S. Maybe that is not your problem, your boyfriend may not lack that quality you're looking for he may just not be sharing it with you yet. I feel like you're doing more misattribution and making him a sensor doesn't solve anything.

    Have you talked to him about this rather than going to an internet forum and hoping we can solve your problem? Maybe once you get more information on what your boyfriend is feeling and why you two are having this miscommunication (maybe he feels there is no miscommunication at all!!) then you could give us more reliable information. Saying that because he has a degree in fine arts makes him an INFJ sounds very shaky to me.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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  4. #24
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    Ugh! i totally have to get ready for work . . . love to you all i'll be back tomorrow .. . not dissin' you guys . . . thank you thank you thank you for your time . . . every last one of you . . . kisses!

  5. #25
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    yeah, i think you hit the nail on the head or whatever they say - so help . . .how do i get past this with him . . . i'm sick of waiting . . .any tips?
    Well, like proteanmix just posted, I would suggest letting go of the type thing for a bit, and just try to connect with him on a human level. If you care about him, and want this relationship to work, then you need to actually sit down and really bring some of these things up to him -- actually have a discussion with him, bring up 'deep' topics that you'd like to hear his viewpoint on...ask questions, see if you can't build something together. Cast away any assumptions you have at this time, as to what he is or is not capable of.

    Once you actually learn more, you may be in a better position to really know whether you two can connect in the way that fulfills the both of you.

    While N/S certainly plays a role in the level/type of communication, two N's together are not guaranteed to 'connect', just as two S's are not guaranteed to connect, just as an N and S aren't guaranteed to connect. It ultimately boils down to the two of you together, and whether both of your needs are being met.
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  6. #26
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    I have several ENFP friends and sometimes they just come across as so incredibly loopy to me (even though I really, really like them a lot) that I just have trouble taking them seriously. And not to make an issue out of it, but sometimes their off-the-wall way-out-in-outer-space qualities seem kind of forced and superficial to me -- I feel, "if you want totally weird, then try being inside my brain for a while" but I know that they probablywould never understand. And I don't mean that in a condescending way, it just really is my uncontrollable reaction to them and I would never let them know I think that way because I really do like and value them. If your friend really is an INFJ, you should probably do a lot more listening to him and really caring about what he's like inside. I'm just guessing, but based on the friendships I have with ENFP's, they always take center stage and it can be a bit wearying after while, because, hey, I think I'm pretty interesting, too. If I don't work hard to overcome the feelings of reserve this creates in me, then our friendships probably wouldn't be as good as they are. Again, I'm not criticizing ENFP's, I'm just suggesting some things that your friend may possibly feel are barriers to a deeper relationship with you.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    lane 777, here's my reasons for thinking he's an INFJ:

    1) gave him the test & he came out INFJ
    2) he has a degree in fine arts
    3) he currently works with developmentally disabled children
    4) he LOVES animals & nature (loves camping)
    5) he is really good at chess & loves it
    6) he has deep penetrating eyes that "move" me just looking into them - woah!
    7) he was a vegetarian for a while
    8) his best friends are an INTP & ENFJ
    9) he used to have a drug problem

    i could say more . . . but i am convinced by all of this
    2, 3, 4, 6, and 9 could EASILY be "S" traits!!!!

    In fact that only thing that strikes me as "N" is the vegetarianism, I swear.

    ISFP?
    Last edited by Thalassa; 08-09-2009 at 08:08 PM. Reason: ooops!

  8. #28
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    ISFP?
    That would be my guess, based on this info. ISFJ is not out of the question though.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    That would be my guess, based on this info. ISFJ is not out of the question though.
    True. In fact, this probably sounds horrible, but I think an SJ would actually be less likely to participate in these "soulful talks" she wants. In fact, when she began with how he talks about "what he wants to buy" I judgementally assumed SJ, to be perfectly honest with you.

    Then again, it could just be that they don't "click" in that way.

    Or that he is THAT reserved.

    Or that he's extremely Fe dom and focuses that, say, toward special needs children, and doesn't find Fi driven "soulful talks" very appealing.

    It's really a toss up.

  10. #30
    Member Taizic's Avatar
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    Well, not all INFJ's are alike. We have maybe a few of the same principles, but personalities and experience can lead us to be different, people, as is expected. That's where percents come in to the different letters. So he may have been an INFJ, but it could've been he got low scores on one of the letters, or all of them. Maybe something along that line.
    So he said to me "I love you, just not the way you want me to." I hit him, because he lied to me.

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