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  1. #1
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Default Is the Truth Worth It?

    The title says it all. I've been in so many dilemmas lately in which I could tell the blatant truth of a situation and cause pain, which starts an inner conflict as I don't want to hurt people, but I don't want to hold things from them.

    INFJs, ever get tired of your conscience?
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
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  2. #2
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Tell the truth in what sense?

    Previously untold secrets of yours about your past? Truth that would help the person grow but probably make them mad? Truth that just would be you being authentic, but not really help anyone? Truth that one of your friends is being cheated on? Truth that one of you friends has an addiction problem that really is serious? Truth towards your parents about something from your childhood?

    Be more specific and we can help you out better with responses.

  3. #3
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    Generally, the truth is better than sugar coating it. Really, it depends on the situation. More detail would be helpful.
    Doorknob: Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.
    -Alice in Wonderland

  4. #4
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Previously untold secrets of yours about your past? Truth that would help the person grow but probably make them mad? Truth that just would be you being authentic, but not really help anyone? Truth that one of your friends is being cheated on? Truth that one of you friends has an addiction problem that really is serious? Truth towards your parents about something from your childhood?
    That's a good question. I think "Truth that one of your friends is being cheated on" or "Truth that would help a person grow but probably make them mad" are good examples of what I'm talking about. I think it has to do with me knowing something about somebody, and having trouble telling them.

    I would love to give specific examples, but they're a bit private.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  5. #5
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    If you F's ever need to tell the truth, think about it how it could hurt them even more if you knew and didn't say anything. Even if they didn't know that you knew, would you F's have a bad conscience or feeling bad for them cause you didn't tell them?
    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Incidentally, I believe that I am a dominant Ti user, and I often have trouble explaining things that I understand well. It's a matter of organizing the presentation of material. I can have it perfectly organized in my head all at once, but structuring the sequential delivery of material so that others understand is a different matter entirely, and requires a different skill set that I am apparently lacking.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by deepthought View Post
    If you F's ever need to tell the truth, think about it how it could hurt them even more if you knew and didn't say anything. Even if they didn't know that you knew, would you F's have a bad conscience or feeling bad for them cause you didn't tell them?
    Agree on this. If it is important for them to know the truth, the fact they will get mad is an afterthought. If it is something that they can deal with themselves and they didn't need to know from you, then it probably doesn't need to be said.

    ie. if I heard hearsay about my friends partner cheating it would be questionable whether I'd tell them. I might quietly keep a look out for more evidence, just to have their back, but wouldn't necessarily let it get much further. If I knew for a fact that their partner was cheating, I'd feel obliged to tell them. And I'd probably feel it was detrimental to the friendship to keep this from them. Obviously they might not believe me and I could come off worse, but if friendship is something genuine, you look out for them anyway. No one is going to never speak to you again because you told them their gf was cheating on them while everyone else just whispered behind their backs.

    On the growth part, I think it is good too. I'm not sure about all types, but I love anything that helps me see myself or the world more clearly and lets me grow. Depending on the situation it needs some tact though, because giving them it straight up can come off the wrong way, and as well as getting mad, they don't really take it on board.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Silent Stars's Avatar
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    I have no problem with telling people the truth when I want to. I don't always want to, though...not out of fear of hurting others' feelings, but because I simply don't always want to have to deal with it, because not everyone wants to hear the truth, and they can sometimes be incredibly stubborn.
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  8. #8
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    I've asked people if they would rather know the truth or live happily without it, and the most common preference was the latter. I suppose this is why I've felt I'm a negative person around others; I don't think I'm negative, I think the truth is just ugly in many cases...
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
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  9. #9
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    What noigmn said! And for the last paragraph, if it's something that is really affecting their life detrimentally and they would truly benefit from knowing and use that information, then it's worth it. It would have to be phrased in terms of your personal experience though or in a rational, "here's why this is going to have serious consequences for you" and you would have to be very sure that you were accurate before saying it. I think if you care about someone though, it's worth risking their anger if it really is going to help them. Be sure that they know your friendship is not contingent on them taking your advice though.

  10. #10
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    To paraphrase a quote I came across: "Reality is reality, even when we stop believing in it.."

    I learned my lesson the hard way. There are different types of people who I would tell the truth to- those who can handle it, verses those who won't, can't, or don't want to. It also depends on how close we are, and if there is trust involved in the relationship.

    Ex- I once had a friend who's bf straight up cheated on her. Me telling her the truth backfired. At first, she was thankful, then afterwards, she questioned me, because her man convinced her that it was all a lie, this and that. Yes, it was kinda Jerry Springer.

    Depends. I tend to tell the truth, because the truth makes us stronger. With the truth, we can always change our reality, for the better, if we choose to..

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