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  1. #41
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    I think they can be misunderstood as weak because they are not usually going to challenge you too much in the external world, unless somehow the objective has struck an inner-chord. The one I know best is very internally driven. Don't fuck with them on something that matters to them.

  2. #42
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    I appear weak at home and get picked on for it a lot. Yet when push comes to shove my resilience is incredible and surprises people when they see the glimpses of this. Like a tree whose roots go deep, while others get blown away by a wind as ferocious as a hurricane I tend to absorb the pressure without keeling over as people thought I would.

  3. #43
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by neptunesnet View Post
    Bad luck does follow us. Or at least me.
    It's really difficult to explain this to other people because most people feel they have control over their lives and I mostly definitely don't.
    I've always felt there's a force or a higher being controlling what happens to me and I'm supposed to learn from what life throws at me. That's probably the only reason why I'm so optimistic.
    I see two main possibilities. One is that you're under-estimating how much you create your own reality; see The Fifth Discipline by Peter Senge for an explanation of how that can happen.

    The other is that you really have little control over your life, and are unfortunately accurately perceiving that. As per Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman, about a third of people are so naturally optimistic that they over-estimate their control over random events, while most of the rest of us can benefit from improving our self-talk in the areas where we've maybe gone too far in the other direction.

    Regardless, I wish you better luck!
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  4. #44
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    Being 'soft' sounds so flawed and broken..I doubt any self-respecting person would really admit to it. It's like admitting you have little confidence or independence. Nobody will admit to those things, but I think that INFP traits are just looked down upon in our aggressive society and words like soft have a terrible ring to them...All soft really means is sensitive which is neither positive or negative. That's what most INFPs are, sensitive.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clonester View Post
    I guess it can be tough because the INFP sees their strong values and will and they know they are far from soft. They are driven perfectionists and tend to be very goal oriented. But the hard part comes from the way the world perceives them- as soft (though I don't really know any INFP's I would consider soft). And when "nice guys finish last" it can be hard.

    Though ENFP's and INFP's aren't the same, I can see how some people might mistake my chill nature for being soft. INFP's are pretty chill too. I'm not bothered by things that others are, but because of the perception of others (soft) I've had to learn not to let people walk all over me and to instead stand my ground.


    I just found out yesterday that I was INFP. Unfortunately everybody thinks I am a softy, but I have found it difficult to break this mold.

  6. #46
    Senior Member rainoneventide's Avatar
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    Ah, I thought of a good example for our "softyness".
    When I was little (and now) hurting others through words or physical violence usually never comes to my mind because I'm so laid back.
    However, one day, when I was around 11 and my sis was around 6, there was this kid around my age that lived across from us, and we were still in that "ew boys have cooties" stage. He comes over and my little sister starts doing karate chops and various threatening maneuvers in front of him, but she never touches him (she's an ENFP, lol).
    He gets all pissed and shoves her onto the ground (a little 6 year old!), and she starts crying in surprise, and without hesitating I slap him twice across the face as hard as I can.

    "So I say, live and let live. Thatís my motto. Live and let live.
    Anyone who canít go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker."
    - George Carlin

  7. #47
    Uniqueorn William K's Avatar
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    I'll echo what others have said in that most of the time, I'll back down or compromise in a situation simply because I don't care about it enough to stand my ground. Similarly, I've been called indecisive, weak-willed and flip-floppish because I change my mind easily; but when push comes to shove, I do make firm decisions or dig in my heels when I need to. It's just that the "I need to" happens very infrequently.

  8. #48
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    This is kind of difficult to answer without a definition as to what the OP is meaning when he says 'soft'. The word has so many different connotations...

    I would say that people think I am soft until they either cross a line (values), or someone brings up a topic that I have well thought out strong feelings or ideas about (although if someone is likely to get offended then that risk is weighed against the benefits of saying anything).

    Some reasons why I let things roll over me:

    - Most interactions don't involve either of the above points and so I don't see it as worth my effort to take a stance even if I disagree with what someone is saying.

    - Often the whole conversation is meaningless and whether I agree or disagree has no relevancy, so I just don't care.

    - As mentioned above, sometimes I won't say something because the benefits don't outweigh the risk of offending someone.

    - I don't like forcing my opinion on other people. If someone seems interested then that's one thing, but if they aren't, voicing my opinion is not likely to achieve anything.


    Regarding someone stepping on my values:

    I was visiting my family in America recently, and we were all together for a meal at my parents house. I have two younger sisters, one 24 (ESTJ) the other 15 (ESFP). The ESFP had been having boyfriend trouble and she was extremely distraught. (He erroneously thought she had cheated on him).
    The ESTJ started going on about how it was all her (ESFP's) fault. What she was saying was completely untrue. ESFP was standing right there when she said all of this... she was in a very fragile state emotionally at the time (suicidal thoughts)
    Of course I jumped to her defense, I was furious. It really took all my will power not to pounce on her and start ripping her hair out or something!
    It was actually quite scary how barely in control I felt... white hot rage overwhelmed me.

    The ESFP left after a few minutes, and I had to leave shortly after because I was afraid of what I might do if I had to continue to talk to the ESTJ. She was oblivous to how out of control my fury was and how much damage she had done to the ESFP. Set on insisting that her opinion was RIGHT.

    ESFP was in my room crying when I came in.



    I have no idea if this answers your question about 'softness'... were you looking for something else?
    ‚ÄúCan a man of perception respect himself at all?‚ÄĚ
    ‚Äē Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  9. #49
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    You remember the yes/no bit in the movie Tron? You've seen photos of amoebae? That's what personalities are like. Over time, I learned how to pull in my spikes that poked other people and smooth out my roughness that grated against them... because I cared.

    I now have a very sophisticated heuristic for deciding when to stand on principle, and when it just isn't worth the trouble to point out to a narcissistic idiot that I'll never see again that he's completely, horribly wrong and a bad person to boot. What grace I have was dearly bought with the pain of past mistakes; never mistake it for lack of backbone, because all I have to do to become immovable (and then some) is surrender to my natural contrariness.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  10. #50
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    I don't think INFP's are "soft" really... I definately wouldn't describe myself that way. Most of the time, I tend to be agreeable about topics that I don't really care about, just because, to me, it's not worth arguing over. But I'm not afraid to stand my ground on an issue that matters to me either. In fact, I consider myself to be pretty assertive and I definately have personal bounderies.

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