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[NF] Liking Attention

TopherRed

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I like attention. A lot. Trying to figure out how to curtail that, especially during times when it's really not appropriate for the room to be centered on me. I'm doing a heck a lot better than I used to at seeing the need and putting it on hold, but staying in a conversation that I'm not an active part in is painful. And it annoys me when nobody wants to hear from me.

I was wondering if anybody had any useful advice. So far, suffering through those periods has been the only option.
 

phthalocyanine

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when you're not speaking, try to quiet your conscience and simply listen to what others are saying..in other words, don't be tempted to half-listen whilst formulating your next response or quip..
while listening to and observing others intently, try to perceive what you personally identify with about them or what they're saying, and then relate to them on that. find a happy middle ground between others and yourself so that no one person is the center of all attention or wilting in a corner like an unwatered plant. i hope this makes some kind of sense!
 

Lauren Ashley

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I like attention. A lot.
*looks at type*

Oh. Really? No way...

I was wondering if anybody had any useful advice. So far, suffering through those periods has been the only option.

Try to be truly interested in what other people have to say, rather than waiting for them to acknowledge you or trying to schmooze them to get recognition. There are plenty of interesting, nay, amazing, people out there and it shouldn't be all about how much they recognize you. IOW, stop thinking of people in terms of their relation to you and how they affect you personally. If you just think of it as people hanging out/discussing, and not about your specific involvement in it, you'll have a much easier time when the spotlight is not on you.
 

Tallulah

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find a happy middle ground between others and yourself so that no one person is the center of all attention or wilting in a corner like an unwatered plant. i hope this makes some kind of sense!

Yup. Bear in mind that people generally like a little give and take, and that they usually find attention-seekers to be exhausting or annoying after a while. Realizing there's a social consequence could help you keep the tendency in check. You're getting attention, but after a while, it might be forced or negative attention.

Have you tried performing? Maybe if you auditioned to be in a play or did some public speaking or did something structured where attention-seeking is actually a plus, you wouldn't need it so much from social situations.
 

TopherRed

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Yup. Bear in mind that people generally like a little give and take, and that they usually find attention-seekers to be exhausting or annoying after a while. Realizing there's a social consequence could help you keep the tendency in check. You're getting attention, but after a while, it might be forced or negative attention.

Have you tried performing? Maybe if you auditioned to be in a play or did some public speaking or did something structured where attention-seeking is actually a plus, you wouldn't need it so much from social situations.

I considered Toastmasters...my time goes in a billion different directions, so it's a little difficult, but I think it's something I'd like to do.

And Ms. Ashley, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression in the NT thread (and I think they know I was trying, maybe failing, to be funny). Though it's within my capacity, I don't schmooze and kinda find that degrading. I have discovered myself trying to gain recognition sometimes in conversations, saying stupid things, though in realizing that recently, I'm trying to put a stop to it now. Tallulah's right in that it becomes forced, or negative attention after awhile and I HATE MYSELF when I see that's a discomfort I've brought on my friends.
 

Tallulah

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Toastmasters is an excellent idea! Yeah, time is always a factor, but maybe a once a month performing fix would go a long way towards making you feel appreciated. That might be part of the attention thing, actually. I'm not a big attention seeker IRL, but I do have a creative/performing bug, and I am pretty miserable if I'm not able to indulge it. Don't completely ignore the need to be heard or seen--just focus it into something useful and fun.
 
G

Glycerine

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I considered Toastmasters...my time goes in a billion different directions, so it's a little difficult, but I think it's something I'd like to do.

And Ms. Ashley, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression in the NT thread (and I think they know I was trying, maybe failing, to be funny). Though it's within my capacity, I don't schmooze and kinda find that degrading. I have discovered myself trying to gain recognition sometimes in conversations, saying stupid things, though in realizing that recently, I'm trying to put a stop to it now. Tallulah's right in that it becomes forced, or negative attention after awhile and I HATE MYSELF when I see that's a discomfort I've brought on my friends.
I used to be a lot like this and probably got on many people's nerves. I crossed the line many times to get attention. :doh: What I have learned is to talk only when you have something valuable/relatable to add onto the the conversation and listen/observe the rest of the time. The occasional joke is awesome to break the ice or to loosen up the atmosphere if the conversation gets way too serious.
 

Lauren Ashley

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And Ms. Ashley, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression in the NT thread (and I think they know I was trying, maybe failing, to be funny). Though it's within my capacity, I don't schmooze and kinda find that degrading.

I was speaking generally, not about you specifically.
 

TopherRed

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Okay.

Thanks everybody! I appreciate the advice.
 

nomadic

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after a while, getting a lot of attention just brings headaches

it ends up eating up so much of your time, you can't do other things, like school, work, etc... maybe its more important for me cus im a guy.

but either way, i just prioritize the attention. its really easy to lose someone you wanna get close to bc you spread your attention too thin.
 

Udog

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Is it possible for you to be interested in other people? Their lives? Their thoughts? Do these things interest you beyond collecting information and using it to make them like you?

The other branch that you may want to explore is, what is it about attention that you like? Why do you need it? What do you do with it?
 

jenocyde

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I also get bored if I'm not part of the conversation, but it's not that I want attention per se. Being an extroverted communicator and relying heavily on Ne, I just have a lot of things to say. It doesn't mean I don't listen or that I really want attention. Fuzz, are you sure that you are seeking attention really or are you just hearing all the introverted people tell you that you are?

I've been told by introverts that I just want attention when I merely want to be a part of the conversation. And that does not mean I'm not listening to other people. It's probably as (un)healthy as those who shy away from the conversation/spotlight...

However, if you feel you have a serious problem try to respond to only 25% of topics at first until you feel comfortable adding a little bit more. And then go and get yourself a Geisha who will always laugh at your stupid jokes. Problem solved.
 

Jeffster

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There's nothing wrong with liking attention.
 

TopherRed

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I also get bored if I'm not part of the conversation, but it's not that I want attention per se. Being an extroverted communicator and relying heavily on Ne, I just have a lot of things to say. It doesn't mean I don't listen or that I really want attention. Fuzz, are you sure that you are seeking attention really or are you just hearing all the introverted people tell you that you are?

I've been told by introverts that I just want attention when I merely want to be a part of the conversation. And that does not mean I'm not listening to other people. It's probably as (un)healthy as those who shy away from the conversation/spotlight...

However, if you feel you have a serious problem try to respond to only 25% of topics at first until you feel comfortable adding a little bit more. And then go and get yourself a Geisha who will always laugh at your stupid jokes. Problem solved.

Sha-Boo-Yah

I just messaged you on this, lol. This is something I've noticed on my own--and I'm not entirely sure if it's unhealthy. I just have a problem being patient when nobody is talking to me. I hate sitting quietly in a room full of people when I'm not a part of any particular conversation. I'll usually go find the introverts who hid themselves in the kitchen and chat them up. This is harder when there's only like three of us and I suddenly find myself locked out of a conversation...you could say it's rude to do that to me, but at the same time, I believe other people have the right to talk about whatever they want, even if I'm excluded from the conversation for a period of time. Eventually, I've discovered, my friends will bring me back into it when they've realized I've been uninvolved (especially because me being quiet is weird).

Also, I've found, the bigger the crowd, the more I'll struggle to insert myself somewhere into a conversation, or be obnoxious (as I've recently self-discovered) until somebody pays attention to me so I can start one (which might be on the line, if not over, but it really depends on the crowd, this I am learning.)
 

TopherRed

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Is it possible for you to be interested in other people? Their lives? Their thoughts? Do these things interest you beyond collecting information and using it to make them like you?

The other branch that you may want to explore is, what is it about attention that you like? Why do you need it? What do you do with it?

Dude, just because I like to be a part of a conversation (and thus have a little attention) doesn't mean I don't actually care about the people I'm talking to!

I love my friends! That's why I want to talk to them. I do want to know about their thoughts and lives and how they are doing.

Honestly though, there are friends, people I only moderately care about, and there are best friends--people I deeply care about...so there are levels to wanting to know what goes on. Sometimes I just want a shallow conversation too.

I want to be loved. I guess that's the bottom line. I feels like I'm cared about when I talk with my peeps and that's a great feeling.
 

Udog

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Dude, just because I like to be a part of a conversation (and thus have a little attention) doesn't mean I don't actually care about the people I'm talking to!

I love my friends! That's why I want to talk to them. I do want to know about their thoughts and lives and how they are doing.

Honestly though, there are friends, people I only moderately care about, and there are best friends--people I deeply care about...so there are levels to wanting to know what goes on. Sometimes I just want a shallow conversation too.

I want to be loved. I guess that's the bottom line. I feels like I'm cared about when I talk with my peeps and that's a great feeling.

Well, it was coming off to me that you wanted to be the center of attention in any conversation. So when someone else had the spotlight, you quickly grew annoyed or felt like you were in pain. This can cause a problem with people who need to feel like they are being heard before they will listen to you.

And as an ENFJ I sort of assume you love people. It's sort of an ENFJ defining characteristic! Can you use your love for people to reframe your mind a bit? So instead of feeling cheated when someone else has the limelight, you feel gifted to see someone else share their mind. That may help temper things a bit.
 
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