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  1. #1
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Default Liking Attention

    I like attention. A lot. Trying to figure out how to curtail that, especially during times when it's really not appropriate for the room to be centered on me. I'm doing a heck a lot better than I used to at seeing the need and putting it on hold, but staying in a conversation that I'm not an active part in is painful. And it annoys me when nobody wants to hear from me.

    I was wondering if anybody had any useful advice. So far, suffering through those periods has been the only option.
    Love is the point.

  2. #2
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    when you're not speaking, try to quiet your conscience and simply listen to what others are saying..in other words, don't be tempted to half-listen whilst formulating your next response or quip..
    while listening to and observing others intently, try to perceive what you personally identify with about them or what they're saying, and then relate to them on that. find a happy middle ground between others and yourself so that no one person is the center of all attention or wilting in a corner like an unwatered plant. i hope this makes some kind of sense!

  3. #3
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    I like attention. A lot.
    *looks at type*

    Oh. Really? No way...

    I was wondering if anybody had any useful advice. So far, suffering through those periods has been the only option.
    Try to be truly interested in what other people have to say, rather than waiting for them to acknowledge you or trying to schmooze them to get recognition. There are plenty of interesting, nay, amazing, people out there and it shouldn't be all about how much they recognize you. IOW, stop thinking of people in terms of their relation to you and how they affect you personally. If you just think of it as people hanging out/discussing, and not about your specific involvement in it, you'll have a much easier time when the spotlight is not on you.

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    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    find a happy middle ground between others and yourself so that no one person is the center of all attention or wilting in a corner like an unwatered plant. i hope this makes some kind of sense!
    Yup. Bear in mind that people generally like a little give and take, and that they usually find attention-seekers to be exhausting or annoying after a while. Realizing there's a social consequence could help you keep the tendency in check. You're getting attention, but after a while, it might be forced or negative attention.

    Have you tried performing? Maybe if you auditioned to be in a play or did some public speaking or did something structured where attention-seeking is actually a plus, you wouldn't need it so much from social situations.
    Something Witty

  5. #5
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Yup. Bear in mind that people generally like a little give and take, and that they usually find attention-seekers to be exhausting or annoying after a while. Realizing there's a social consequence could help you keep the tendency in check. You're getting attention, but after a while, it might be forced or negative attention.

    Have you tried performing? Maybe if you auditioned to be in a play or did some public speaking or did something structured where attention-seeking is actually a plus, you wouldn't need it so much from social situations.
    I considered Toastmasters...my time goes in a billion different directions, so it's a little difficult, but I think it's something I'd like to do.

    And Ms. Ashley, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression in the NT thread (and I think they know I was trying, maybe failing, to be funny). Though it's within my capacity, I don't schmooze and kinda find that degrading. I have discovered myself trying to gain recognition sometimes in conversations, saying stupid things, though in realizing that recently, I'm trying to put a stop to it now. Tallulah's right in that it becomes forced, or negative attention after awhile and I HATE MYSELF when I see that's a discomfort I've brought on my friends.
    Love is the point.

  6. #6
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Toastmasters is an excellent idea! Yeah, time is always a factor, but maybe a once a month performing fix would go a long way towards making you feel appreciated. That might be part of the attention thing, actually. I'm not a big attention seeker IRL, but I do have a creative/performing bug, and I am pretty miserable if I'm not able to indulge it. Don't completely ignore the need to be heard or seen--just focus it into something useful and fun.
    Something Witty

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    I considered Toastmasters...my time goes in a billion different directions, so it's a little difficult, but I think it's something I'd like to do.

    And Ms. Ashley, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression in the NT thread (and I think they know I was trying, maybe failing, to be funny). Though it's within my capacity, I don't schmooze and kinda find that degrading. I have discovered myself trying to gain recognition sometimes in conversations, saying stupid things, though in realizing that recently, I'm trying to put a stop to it now. Tallulah's right in that it becomes forced, or negative attention after awhile and I HATE MYSELF when I see that's a discomfort I've brought on my friends.
    I used to be a lot like this and probably got on many people's nerves. I crossed the line many times to get attention. What I have learned is to talk only when you have something valuable/relatable to add onto the the conversation and listen/observe the rest of the time. The occasional joke is awesome to break the ice or to loosen up the atmosphere if the conversation gets way too serious.

  8. #8
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    And Ms. Ashley, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression in the NT thread (and I think they know I was trying, maybe failing, to be funny). Though it's within my capacity, I don't schmooze and kinda find that degrading.
    I was speaking generally, not about you specifically.

  9. #9
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Okay.

    Thanks everybody! I appreciate the advice.
    Love is the point.

  10. #10
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    i appreciate the avatar

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