User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 37

  1. #1
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    INFJ
    Posts
    950

    Default INFJs & Small Talk - Do You Relate?

    First of all, I'm not half as educated on the MBTI and different types as it seems a lot of users on this site are. I've only recently started really delving into it, so forgive me if I reek of noobessence

    I definitely relate to the descriptions of finding small talk excruciating sometimes. For me, I think it's because when I'm talking to strangers or people I'm not all that close to, it's like the motors in my brain are running so fast I expect smoke to start coming out of my ears. Not sure if it's a shared thing with INFJs or just me, but small talk usually goes something like this for me:

    OTHER PERSON: I really love Jazz, do you like Jazz?

    MY INNER MONOLOGUE: This person's coat is awesome suede, I have to remark on that. I like Jazz so maybe that's a good sign this person and I will get along. I wonder if they like Jazz the way I do? I really do love that coat.

    WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: Yeah! Love Jazz! *waits for next prompt*

    OTHER PERSON: Awesome. You ever go to that Jazz club downtown?

    MY INNER MONOLOGUE: I know that place but I haven't been there in over a year. Does it even matter? Wait, is this person feeling me out to see if I'd go there too? I can't make a f**ing commitment like that this soon.

    WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: Yeah, I've been there, it's a pretty cool joint. *waits for next prompt but then changes mind at the last second* Your coat is awesome.

    OTHER PERSON: Thanks! I got this at Kohl's.

    MY INNER MONOLOGUE: Oh shit I just changed the subject and now I'm screwed. Why in the eff did I just do that? I have nothing to say about that store. The coat means nothing in the grand scheme of things, why in the hell did I just bring that up?

    *insert long, semi-awkward, "I'm trapped inside my own head" pause here*

    WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: It's COLD out, why does it have to be so cold?

    OTHER PERSON: Haha! I know!

    MY INNER MONOLOGUE: Ok, ok, good save, good save. Weather always works, that's standard shit. But wait, I don't give a shit about the weather either really. Crap. Crap. Crap. This bastard isn't even giving me anything to go on with the "I know!" business. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

    WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: The weird thing is that when it's cold out I usually want ice cream for some reason.

    OTHER PERSON: Uhhhh, yeah, I get that sometimes.

    INNER MONOLOGUE: Shiiiiiiiiiiit, what the hell do I do now? I'm getting NOTHING from this mofo, NOTHING. Me? I got NOTHING!! This is officially crushing my soul. Need quick quiet time in the bathroom STAT!

    WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: I gotta hit the little girl's room, nice chatting to you though! *massive grin*

    OTHER PERSON: *reciprocal grin* Nice chatting to you too!

    INNER MONOLOGUE: Good, good, freedom. Bathroom NOW!


    Now I'm not sure if this is an INFJ thing or just my own delightful brand of crazy, but variations on that same theme are what I experience a lot of the time with small talk. It's especially worse if I pick up on the 'nervous vibes' coming from the other person too, then it's just (awkward, awkward!) disaster. I also find myself just saying what I already know the other person will just respond to (I.E. sharing my knowledge on subjects/topics I can see they are into) just to make things go smoother, but then that backfires with people I don't really feel stimulated by just latching on to me because I 'understand' them so well, and I suck at rejecting people (though I'm getting better at it).

    I wondered if any other INFJs related to any of that.

  2. #2
    resonance entropie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    783
    Posts
    16,761

    Default

    You should get urself a nice smart entp and found a family, that's all I got
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  3. #3
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Ha, exactly how the majority of conversations goes with people I don't know. Including and especially the inner monologue. I'm pretty much incapable of small talk and I really dislike it. I don't have any interest in the mundane events of my life so I don't see why anyone else would be, but people genuinely appreciate it when I open up to them.

  4. #4
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    1
    Posts
    3,823

    Default

    I think on some level, everyone has that inner monologue going on; I also think dominant Nis have more trouble than most executing a smooth conversation simply because we make everything a meta-thought. Anything at meta-level is going to be over-generalizing, and we don't want to present ourselves falsely for ethical kinds of reasons, nor do we want the other person to not "see" us for who we are, so IME/O, we get caught in the "trying-not-to-be-incorrect/disingenuous presentation of self" part.

    My solution has been to just speak all of my Ni webthoughtjourneys out loud, as far as I am able to successfully do so, which is great on two levels: (a) less angst and effort and (b) more efficient friend-making. If they don't appreciate my quirks then it wouldn't have worked out anyway!

    Though one must also learn smooth Fe skills to execute when one needs to execute said skills. But when you're doing that you're not really centering on yourself, you're making everyone comfortable and the situation breezy, and then moving on amicably.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  5. #5
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    INFJ
    Posts
    950

    Default

    Usehername: I relate to the meta-thought and not wanting to appear disingenuous. I often stumble in conversation because it really is so easy to just put on the mask and act a part, something I did a lot when I was a teenager. I try putting things through the 'bullshit filter' before speaking, but then it just slows things down. I'm definitely very distracted with the comfort and pleasure of others.

    I like your solution, my logic agrees that if someone isn't going to dig what comes out of me naturally, the bottom line is that we're most likely not compatible. Logic always tells me there is no forcing anything and one can't tweak a situation to make it fit into the fantasy shell. I think it's one of the main things I need to work on, the propensity I have to think ANYTHING can work out if you tweak it. I don't mean to manipulate situations that way and I'm horrified at myself when I see that I do it all too much. I'm a recovering people pleaser and control freak with a long way to go, lol.

  6. #6
    resonance entropie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    783
    Posts
    16,761

    Default

    So my advice was useless again ? You INFJs are a demanding kind of bunch... you know what I mean !
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #7
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    You should get urself a nice smart entp and found a family, that's all I got
    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    So my advice was useless again ? You INFJs are a demanding kind of bunch... you know what I mean !
    I agree with your advice. That is clearly the solution to >98 percent of the average INFJ's issues in life

  8. #8
    resonance entropie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    entp
    Enneagram
    783
    Posts
    16,761

    Default

    next time I MAYBE formulate my metaphors more clearly, MAYBE... but no you are mean, I hate you !
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #9
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    271

    Default

    I definitely relate to the meta internal dialogue. "What does the other person think of what I'm saying? God, that's so cliché!" The biggest issue with small talk is that you're put on the spot in a way that you aren't when there's a focused topic of conversation. I am much more comfortable when I have time to reflect on my answers and think of follow-up questions, and that happens much more quickly and naturally when there's a topic already. I also don't think I'm particularly talented at generating small talk questions because I have nothing to go off of, so I tend to let the other person lead. Which is fine if they can, and not so good otherwise.

  10. #10
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    INFJ
    Posts
    950

    Default

    I didn't mean to disregard you Entropie, I just thought it was one of those "No response necessary" deals

    If you hear what I really thought when I read your response: I read it and thought "Ok cool, so this person apparently thinks I have the ability to found a family, which means maybe I'm not a hopeless nut burger. Ok, this is good...".

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Do you relate to this? (General portrayal of INFJ)
    By Jellyfish1234 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 12-16-2016, 05:03 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ and Fi, do you relate to this?
    By infiniterandomness11 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 11-08-2014, 09:01 PM
  3. [NF] INFJs/INFPs - what in this list do you relate to?
    By Alternatum in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 01-12-2013, 10:01 AM
  4. [INFJ] INFJs and ENFJs: how do you behave when meeting a new group in which you know NO ONE?
    By Afkan in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 02-13-2011, 02:14 PM
  5. [INFJ] INFJs and/or HSPs: Do you get depressed in the wrong kind of job?
    By karenk in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 10-27-2008, 11:29 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO