It depends on how much energy I have at the time whether I'll say right out what I'm thinking and feeling or whether I'll be more selective in what I say.
When I was younger (until about age 13) I was really comfortable with myself and never censored my conversational topics. Yeah, lots of kids made fun of me, but I had plenty of friends who liked having me around. Then, something happened... I became suddenly and increasingly self-critical and thought everyone would judge me and think I was weird based on what I would say or do. It's not that I don't want to talk to new people ... but, rather, that I've been conditioned to assume the worst. So, I've become sort of shy and reclusive over the years. It's become more and more difficult for me to start new friendships because of the initial conversational skills required.
I find some small-talk topics more tolerable than others, but my style is more to go to a deeper level and talk about more intense things, mainly how people see and feel about their personal experiences. I sense a lot of people just don't feel comfortable going to a deep level right away, but I guess I can understand that from a purely logical perspective. I've learned a lot about small talk by observing ES types. I can get into the small-talk/friendly role for a while, but the problem eventually surfaces where I get myself into a situation where I am feeling incredibly inauthentic...aka wanting to crawl out of my skin. I can't keep up the ES role (it's very taxing and wears me down emotionally) for long and then have to escape from the situation.
People close to me tell me to lighten up and just put on a friendly face. It sounds like most of you are with me here that this is easier said than done. Worth trying, though