User Tag List

First 234

Results 31 to 37 of 37

  1. #31
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    5w4
    Posts
    1

    Default

    It depends on how much energy I have at the time whether I'll say right out what I'm thinking and feeling or whether I'll be more selective in what I say.

    When I was younger (until about age 13) I was really comfortable with myself and never censored my conversational topics. Yeah, lots of kids made fun of me, but I had plenty of friends who liked having me around. Then, something happened... I became suddenly and increasingly self-critical and thought everyone would judge me and think I was weird based on what I would say or do. It's not that I don't want to talk to new people ... but, rather, that I've been conditioned to assume the worst. So, I've become sort of shy and reclusive over the years. It's become more and more difficult for me to start new friendships because of the initial conversational skills required.

    I find some small-talk topics more tolerable than others, but my style is more to go to a deeper level and talk about more intense things, mainly how people see and feel about their personal experiences. I sense a lot of people just don't feel comfortable going to a deep level right away, but I guess I can understand that from a purely logical perspective. I've learned a lot about small talk by observing ES types. I can get into the small-talk/friendly role for a while, but the problem eventually surfaces where I get myself into a situation where I am feeling incredibly inauthentic...aka wanting to crawl out of my skin. I can't keep up the ES role (it's very taxing and wears me down emotionally) for long and then have to escape from the situation.

    People close to me tell me to lighten up and just put on a friendly face. It sounds like most of you are with me here that this is easier said than done. Worth trying, though

  2. #32
    Junior Member lumikuu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Posts
    16

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jenpen624 View Post

    When I was younger (until about age 13) I was really comfortable with myself and never censored my conversational topics. Yeah, lots of kids made fun of me, but I had plenty of friends who liked having me around. Then, something happened... I became suddenly and increasingly self-critical and thought everyone would judge me and think I was weird based on what I would say or do. It's not that I don't want to talk to new people ... but, rather, that I've been conditioned to assume the worst. So, I've become sort of shy and reclusive over the years. It's become more and more difficult for me to start new friendships because of the initial conversational skills required.
    this is exactly what happened to me. the alternative is to always have some articulate excuse ready against making small talk so thanks (:
    "attic in a basement with a knife serrated, i'll protect you!"
    ~architecture in helsinki

  3. #33
    Senior Member whimsical's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    4
    Socionics
    infp
    Posts
    351

    Default

    Small talk can be very interesting if you are an imaginative INF
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #34
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5
    Posts
    8,828

    Default

    No, not really. But then I don't mind appearing (mildly) disingenuous, my Fi is weak. And besides, I'm somewhat interested in everything, including the weather and the kind of coat a person is wearing (it can give you an idea of their style/preferences).

    It sounds like you're overanalyzing the meaning of talking about having been a place as indicating that you might be interested in going there with them... it's just something to talk about, it's not a commitment unless you actually agree to meet them there.

    Personally, I wish more people were interested in small talk... it seems like no one really does it anymore (for more than a few sentences), like everyone is in a hurry and wants conversations to have a purpose or they're not interested. They're all more interested in DOING than talking. And I like talking.

  5. #35
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    205

    Default

    I definitely don't get that inner monologue... for small talk with people I often turn on my auto-pilot and just regurgitate the usual things expected to be said in small talk. With strangers I do strengthen my reserves though and try to read into them a bit... just not as much.

  6. #36
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by whimsical View Post
    Small talk can be very interesting if you are an imaginative INF
    Small talk is never interesting. The only thing I'm imagining is a quick exit.

  7. #37
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    160

    Default

    I only read the first post in this thread but I completely relate. What really bothers me is when the same people at work seeks you out to tell you what they made for dinner each night of the week or the minute details of their entire weekend. I find this incredibly draining. I even made a post in INTJc asking how to prevent these kinds of interactions in my next job. A couple of the posts were helpful and now I plan on leaving to get water or something before it starts instead of sitting there with a smile. (I should have thought of that on my own. ha.)

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Do you relate to this? (General portrayal of INFJ)
    By Jellyfish1234 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 53
    Last Post: 12-16-2016, 05:03 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ and Fi, do you relate to this?
    By infiniterandomness11 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 11-08-2014, 09:01 PM
  3. [NF] INFJs/INFPs - what in this list do you relate to?
    By Alternatum in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 01-12-2013, 10:01 AM
  4. [INFJ] INFJs and ENFJs: how do you behave when meeting a new group in which you know NO ONE?
    By Afkan in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 02-13-2011, 02:14 PM
  5. [INFJ] INFJs and/or HSPs: Do you get depressed in the wrong kind of job?
    By karenk in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 10-27-2008, 11:29 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO