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  1. #21
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by statuesquechica View Post
    ^Could you explain that a little more Entropie?
    No not really, I only have some sporadic infos from my personal INFJ.

    it's basically about that you need to actually talk to other people to know what they think. And not that you know what they think and you dont have to talk to them.

    But knowing what they think and knowing what they feel are to pair of shoes and the latter is far more disturbing, therefore I concentrate on the former

    As in: I dont understand it myself
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  2. #22
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    Over the years, I've tried to find a good process for mixing small talk and interesting questions. During my initial conversations with individuals, my goal is to be linear. I'll keep tabs on the conversation and where I anticipate it going. For the most part, listening is my favorite skill to exercise. I probe for interests and possible points of commonality.

    Consciously, I know I'm talented at delving into someone very easily. More recently, I've come to appreciate the process of getting to know others and respecting their personal boundaries. There is something very beautiful watching a person reveal themselves over time. It's not an immediate bond, but the connection is developed. It allows for someone to be comfortable at their own pace. Connections are important to me and I enjoy watching them build.

    As someone mentioned, when the mind meld occurs it's a truly remarkable experience.
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  3. #23
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    @Refined: That just sparked something in my head. I probably do not think enough about the personal boundaries of others now that you say that, I find that interesting. I think that might definitely be something I need to think more about, getting better at discerning the comfort zones of others in conversation and not trying to 'get in' too far, too soon.

    I think I can be a greedy mofo in terms of discovery missions into the hearts and minds of others. I think you have a really good insight on that, how rewarding it can be to see someone open up slowly and reveal little by little. That sounds good! I gotta calm my ass down and let things happen instead of prodding too much!

    Thanks for that!!

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    @Refined: That just sparked something in my head. I probably do not think enough about the personal boundaries of others now that you say that, I find that interesting. I think that might definitely be something I need to think more about, getting better at discerning the comfort zones of others in conversation and not trying to 'get in' too far, too soon.

    I think I can be a greedy mofo in terms of discovery missions into the hearts and minds of others. I think you have a really good insight on that, how rewarding it can be to see someone open up slowly and reveal little by little. That sounds good! I gotta calm my ass down and let things happen instead of prodding too much!

    Thanks for that!!
    No problem. My older sister is even more introverted than myself. My brother was discussing strategies for helping her open up this past weekend. We discussed a series of ideas and strategies. We both concluded that time and patience were our best course. Additionally, in order to set the ground work for trust, offering some kind reciprocation with personal information or emotional intimacy is helpful. Don't unload all at once.
    Doorknob: Read the directions and directly you will be directed in the right direction.
    -Alice in Wonderland

  5. #25
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    lol what a cute topic

    i can relate for sure though, every single conversation i have with people i don't know is destined to be awkward as hell (for me, at least)

    it sucks

  6. #26
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    Gloriana, you are so funny! I can relate! But then there's the part where I start to relax and enjoy a conversation and N starts to take over and suddenly there's this horribly uncomfortable dead silence because my companion has NO CLUE what I'm talking about.

  7. #27
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hokie912 View Post
    I definitely relate to the meta internal dialogue. "What does the other person think of what I'm saying? God, that's so cliché!" The biggest issue with small talk is that you're put on the spot in a way that you aren't when there's a focused topic of conversation. I am much more comfortable when I have time to reflect on my answers and think of follow-up questions, and that happens much more quickly and naturally when there's a topic already. I also don't think I'm particularly talented at generating small talk questions because I have nothing to go off of, so I tend to let the other person lead. Which is fine if they can, and not so good otherwise.


    Yep, I tend to cringe at smalltalk, but it can depend on my mood, too. If I'm in a good mood and feeling open and more engaging/outgoing, I can handle smalltalk better; if instead I've been thinking/brooding/introverting/contemplating things for a while, in my little introverted cave, the prospect of smalltalk can be really annoying and I may not even bother trying to keep the conversation going, or else I'll just feel awkward much of the time and will have trouble coming up with things to ask or to talk about, and will feel self-conscious.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #28
    Junior Member lumikuu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post

    I think I can be a greedy mofo in terms of discovery missions into the hearts and minds of others. I think you have a really good insight on that, how rewarding it can be to see someone open up slowly and reveal little by little. That sounds good! I gotta calm my ass down and let things happen instead of prodding too much!
    oh god tell me about it. i've scared some people off by "delving in too deep too soon".. even an entp, but i suppose the fascination and intrigue might get old if you don't stretch out the anticipation of getting to know someone on a more personal level. it's just that when i sense that someone is interesting i want to quickly secure them as a good friend, or at least maximise the prospect of that, as to not feel as though the relationship is going nowhere. of course i've never had any luck making friends this way so now i just refuse to say anything.

    i don't usually have the internal monologue since i'm already listening to what others are saying and it's usually too noisy for me to hear my own thoughts. it seems to take me longer than others to process stimulation and reflect on an adequate response. not being perfectionistic- it's just that most of the time even when i want to say something, i have no idea what to say. i either have no interest/knowledge in the subject or the conversation is moving too quickly. shooting from the lip usually causes me to stumble on my words and represent myself inadequately. need to get better at Fe, but shyness is yet another excuse. D:
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  9. #29
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by statuesquechica View Post
    I think the thing with me and small talk is that I am so genuinely interested in the person (what makes them tick? what are their fears/desires? why did they wear that suede coat?) that I want to get the idle chit chat out of the way and really swim around in the person's mind... something akin to the Spock Mindmeld. I mean, I really want to get to know you. You have done amazing things in your life, you have unique thoughts, you are taking a path in your life...why?why?why? It is fascinating to me and I have to say I am rarely bored when I meet new people. Even if I disagree, I am rarely bored.

    Sometimes I feel a tremendous loss when I sense time is being wasted on small talk. I know it is the glue that ultimately starts a bond in any relationship, but sometimes I wish I could skip the small stuff.
    I wish I could skip it too
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  10. #30
    Member Felix's Avatar
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    Change your inner monologue to assuming that they like everything you have to say and are about to say and see what happens. Worked for me anyway

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