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  1. #1
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Default Egocentric personalities

    There was that woman lately that told me, as older as you get the more narrow becomes the field of people you are really intrested in, cause you have fortified your position in life more and more over the years.

    Could that mean possibly that someone who is ultimately egoistic or in nice terms "has a complex personality" would need someone who has got the, in mbti terms, same functions as he does ?

    I am telling you, building machines is far more easy than understanding people and I know I am on the completly wrong path to ever understand, but I need to reflect to learn
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #2
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    There was that woman lately that told me, as older as you get the more narrow becomes the field of people you are really intrested in, cause you have fortified your position in life more and more over the years.

    Could that mean possibly that someone who is ultimately egoistic or in nice terms "has a complex personality" would need someone who has got the, in mbti terms, same functions as he does ?

    I am telling you, building machines is far more easy than understanding people and I know I am on the completly wrong path to ever understand, but I need to reflect to learn
    I don't know the lady or the take on life which resulted in her comment to you, but here's my take on it. If anyone ever had a complicated personality, it's yours truly. At some point in my life, I had to make a decision as to whether I wanted to be single forever, or if I wanted to be in a long term relationship. Having moved every two years of my life from age 5-14 I was compelled to find someone that was truly my own, and I theirs, so that no matter where we went we had each other, much like my Mom and Dad if I think about it as I write this.

    The second step was realizing that I was not perfect (and still am not) and that I cannot expect someone else to be. So it comes down to who sways your heart to spend your time with? Why? Is it just sex? If not then do you like her mind? Her take on life? Her views on spirituality/politics/use of money/lifestyle/having kids/career choices/education/etc? If so then keep at it and see what happens.

    I got really lucky. When I was 20 I saw my wife in a room (organic chemistry lecture hall) of 300+ people, hauled ass to occupy the open seat next to her, and was smitten. I was enthralled by her, and four months later we were dating and soon after she moved in with me. Looking back on it, it was pretty damn surreal. We've had our share of ups & downs, sure who hasn't in that amount of time (We're both 35 now)? But I have been happy as hell to have her in my life. We've got 2 beautiful kids. Life is a peach, Bro. It's hard work to maintain a healthy relationship, and just as hard to be good parents, but you don't stop having fun, and you always have each other to talk about it with, to help each other through the hard times, and to share the good times with.

    Don't talk to spinnsters, Entropie. You'll own several cats in no time at all. Don't be a pussy, take a gamble on love.

  3. #3
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Damned huge step to move in with a girl, but I want it, I dread it !

    Thanks for your wise advice my friend
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #4
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    Damned huge step to move in with a girl, but I want it, I dread it !

    Thanks for your wise advice my friend
    Anytime, Brother Entropie!

    Nothing risked, nothing gained.
    Ever heard that?
    It's true.

    In business, in romance, for all life in general you are better off going for it than standing still. The worst that can happen is that you fail. If you fail, you learn new things, you grow stronger and wiser, and you move forward. Then you try again. Maybe this time you win? Even if you don't you'll still be having more fun than those that chose to stay out of the game.

  5. #5
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    Default

    Halla: I loved that response too!

    Entropie: I've heard similar things, more like the older you get the more 'set in your ways' you get, and hence if you're a very complex person the harder it is to find the willingness to compromise or take time out to understand someone who might be quite different. Less patience to find middle ground or communicate.

    I'm not trying to piss on anyone, but I've heard this mainly from people I find to be very embittered. Not saying they have no reason to be embittered, but they've given up on trying for better things.

    I'm going through a divorce (been almost a year since he left) and I've had periods where I panic like the dickens and get scared that I won't be able to find anyone with whom I can relate, grow, change, and work on a relationship with. I'll have moments where I just start listing all these things that make me complex, all the things that make me an exception to so many standards out there and I think "This shit is impossible, that marriage was my only chance and now it's gone!".

    Thing is, my optimism and determination can't be killed. I could very well become set in my ways and harder to deal with, but I feel it's truly my choice. I've made the choice to remain an open person, a willing person, a giving person as well as finding ways to give and care for another while still asserting my own needs and wants. I believe it's possible, as long as I keep learning about myself and what I really want, and leaving room for those inevitable false-starts, disappointments, or future pains I might experience. Like I WANT to remain pliable and changeable rather than letting fear or bitterness set me into a rock. In a way I am so glad I got my heart broken. That sounds so masochistic but what I mean is that now that it has happened and hurt so bad, now that a relationship/living together has failed so badly and I'm surviving it, I'm not so terrified of it.

    I was way more terrified of a relationship, commitment, and sharing myself/my space with another back then when I got into that relationship with my ex than I am now. I'm learning tools with which I can navigate a future relationship better. I do get scared that I am too complex, but then I just think that I've got the brains and heart to manage a real connection with someone. For me I just think I'm realizing I'm the master of my own destiny in a lot of ways. That I can have another relationship that is good, most likely better, if I stop being afraid of myself.

    Like, rather than thinking "I'm so damn complex, how will I ever connect with anyone and how will I find one who can accept that?", I keep thinking "I'm so damn complex!! I love complex people so there's bound to be plenty of others who feel the same way!!". Stuff like that.

    Damn, I'm rambling. Not sure if I've just said anything remotely useful, but I hope so!!

  6. #6
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Egocentricity has to do with only thinking in terms of self. This is the natural state for the infant who gradually gains awareness of the distinction between "Self" and "Other". When that process during the infant-toddler stages of development are not healthy and balanced, that is when many of the personality disorders like narcissism, borderline personality disorder, etc. manifest themselves. It is when the mental framework of infancy is imposed on later stages of development that we see egocentricity. It isn't a term only applying to those who appear haughty and assume superiority, but to those who are incapable of taking into consideration any empathy or objective reasoning that requires placing self aside as a small component of a larger picture. In this way there is a correlation between maturity and a lessening of reliance on only understanding the world from the single vantage point of "Self". It can be a form of immaturity and lack of psychological development that results in a person only appreciating those things that are an extension of self.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  7. #7
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    Halla: I loved that response too!
    Wow! Thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    I'm not trying to piss on anyone, but I've heard this mainly from people I find to be very embittered. Not saying they have no reason to be embittered, but they've given up on trying for better things.
    BINGO! Negativity = shitty life!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    I'm going through a divorce (been almost a year since he left) and I've had periods where I panic like the dickens and get scared that I won't be able to find anyone with whom I can relate, grow, change, and work on a relationship with. I'll have moments where I just start listing all these things that make me complex, all the things that make me an exception to so many standards out there and I think "This shit is impossible, that marriage was my only chance and now it's gone!".
    Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you are powering through it though. Good for you!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    Thing is, my optimism and determination can't be killed. I could very well become set in my ways and harder to deal with, but I feel it's truly my choice. I've made the choice to remain an open person, a willing person, a giving person as well as finding ways to give and care for another while still asserting my own needs and wants. I believe it's possible, as long as I keep learning about myself and what I really want, and leaving room for those inevitable false-starts, disappointments, or future pains I might experience. Like I WANT to remain pliable and changeable rather than letting fear or bitterness set me into a rock. In a way I am so glad I got my heart broken. That sounds so masochistic but what I mean is that now that it has happened and hurt so bad, now that a relationship/living together has failed so badly and I'm surviving it, I'm not so terrified of it.
    Optimisim is the key to surviving the many bags of shit that life will throw at you. I am not kidding.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    I was way more terrified of a relationship, commitment, and sharing myself/my space with another back then when I got into that relationship with my ex than I am now. I'm learning tools with which I can navigate a future relationship better. I do get scared that I am too complex, but then I just think that I've got the brains and heart to manage a real connection with someone. For me I just think I'm realizing I'm the master of my own destiny in a lot of ways. That I can have another relationship that is good, most likely better, if I stop being afraid of myself.
    We reserve the right to get smarter as we move forward through life...

    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    Like, rather than thinking "I'm so damn complex, how will I ever connect with anyone and how will I find one who can accept that?", I keep thinking "I'm so damn complex!! I love complex people so there's bound to be plenty of others who feel the same way!!". Stuff like that.
    Attitude, you've got the right one, keep it going!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    Damn, I'm rambling. Not sure if I've just said anything remotely useful, but I hope so!!
    You said volumes in paragraphs, that is commendable. I wish you luck in your life and really respect your attitude.

  8. #8
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Egocentricity has to do with only thinking in terms of self. This is the natural state for the infant who gradually gains awareness of the distinction between "Self" and "Other".
    I only read so far cause then I got pissed. To call whats natural for someone, to be the infant stage for others I find unfair.
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  9. #9
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    I was way more terrified of a relationship, commitment, and sharing myself/my space with another back then when I got into that relationship with my ex than I am now. I'm learning tools with which I can navigate a future relationship better. I do get scared that I am too complex, but then I just think that I've got the brains and heart to manage a real connection with someone. For me I just think I'm realizing I'm the master of my own destiny in a lot of ways. That I can have another relationship that is good, most likely better, if I stop being afraid of myself.
    You did, thank you
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #10
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I only read so far cause then I got pissed. To call whats natural for someone to be the infant stage for others I find unfair.
    I didn't mean it as a way to attack something natural for someone. Actually, I don't think I completely understood the OP because it seems to have a different take than the title. People who want romantic relationships with similar personalities are not egocentric from what I understand of it. I'm guessing the term is being approached as having different meanings and causing misunderstanding.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

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