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Thread: Any INFJ girls?

  1. #81

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    well she supposedly went to her best friends house last night... hasn't responded to a text I sent saying see ya at 5:30... so we'll see if she's there I guess.

  2. #82
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    -down. Whatever way she goes tomorrow, or tonight, I will be cool with. She is an amazing girl and I would love to be friends with her but I can not be ignored for days on end. It doesn't work for me.
    Just wanted to chime in and say I agree with a few others who have said you might need to look beyond mbti, and it might just be an individual thing w/ her.

    I've never ignored someone I'm dating for days on end!!! Even if I'm needing space, I'll at least tell the person I need a day or two to myself. And that means -- a day or two to myself :-) So I hear ya, I wouldn't think it was cool either if I was ignored days on end.

    But to be honest: a phone call or text message, every day, would make me feel suffocated (thank the lord I don't own a cell phone ;-). In fact, I dated an ENxP several years ago, and I began feeling like he was smothering me/controlling me, by always calling me and always keeping tabs on me. I didn't feel like I had any time to breathe. I also felt like I would never satisfy his needs and 'expectations.' He made the huge mistake, within the first month, of saying what he 'expected' out of a wife -- the 'expect' word is a HUGE no-no for me -- I will completely shut down and run in the opposite direction. So, once he told me all of that, for the entire remainder of the time we were dating, I was always questioning whether I was satisfying his 'expectations'/needs, so I never felt truly accepted, or safe enough to be myself.

    Not to be harsh - just telling you how I would tend to react to it. ;-)

  3. #83

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    she wasn't home.
    I slid a note under her door and came home. Once again, nothing to do but wait.

  4. #84
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    she wasn't home.
    I slid a note under her door and came home. Once again, nothing to do but wait.
    Maybe you should do something in the meantime instead of waiting for this girl to call? You seem to do a lot of waiting on her...
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #85

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    it's the weekend but most of my friends are working, im babysitting my lil bro while my folks are in mexico and well...nothing to do but pirate movies and watch tv!

  6. #86
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    she wasn't home.
    I slid a note under her door and came home. Once again, nothing to do but wait.
    Noooo! You have to stop and consider moving forward.
    What you're doing isn't healthy and you are only tormenting yourself imo.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  7. #87

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    that's an awesome smiley! Thanks, I plan on moving forward but I really need the stuff I have at her place!

  8. #88
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    that's an awesome smiley! Thanks, I plan on moving forward but I really need the stuff I have at her place!
    *blinks* You catch fish with lure... not chase one with a net.

    The less cyptic message:
    Why are you wasting time and energy going to her place? Leave her a message... answering machine or text her saying you need your stuff at her house for XXX. Invent an excuse for needing particular something at a specific day if you must. Ask her to drop them off at your place. I'm pretty sure she would know what time you're usually home... if not tell her a time period where you'll be at home to drop them off. When she drops off your stuff, you can talk to her. Don't make it hard on yourself...

  9. #89
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    she wasn't home.
    I slid a note under her door and came home. Once again, nothing to do but wait.
    That is really difficult to wait like that.

    I would say basically, except for emergencies and unexpected mishaps, long durations of limited or cut-off communication should be preceded with an explanation. That feeling of not knowing why it's cut-off or for how long is the part that is a problem. Yes some people need their space, but then that person should simply say, they are really stressed out, or busy, needing to reflect and think, or whatever, so they need some time to themselves. Then they give you some attempt at a time frame or the best way to get in touch if there is something important on your end. An especially thoughtful thing is to make a concrete plan of a future date or something that is certain which falls outside the time frame when one needs to be alone. The lines of communication should not ever be completely disconnected when in a relationship. If someone is in your life, then there needs to be a way to get in touch in case something important happens.

    What i do when a friend or whomever cuts me off like that is to fill my time with other people or projects. I personally cannot handle that suspended in mid-air feeling. It makes me really sick, so I can't imagine what it would be like for an extrovert.

    However the situation may have a reasonable explanation. The main problem is if it becomes the status quo.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  10. #90

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    not to stand up for her or take her side of things or whatever but I seriously think that things just moved too fast for her. I really think that we were just on different timetables and that things would have been cool on thursday and our weekend would have gone as planned if I hadn't used the "L" word on wednesday. I think that's what threw her back into her silence mode and what's made her cut me off. I totally scared her I think by moving too fast.

    I know that there isn't a reason for anyone to be ignored ever but I can see why she would and I can't really blame her for it. I made a mistake by being too honest, I handled a fragile piece of china with a pair of pliers.

    I am not going to attempt to contact her for several days, just going to leave her be like I should have done and she wanted me to do the last several days. When wednesday or thursday rolls around I am going to buy some flowers and leave them by her door with a note if she hasn't contacted me by then.

    I know that I should take care of myself and move along but even through all of this, I can't. I've never believed in true love, ever, until this past month. I know I am in for a hell of a time but even if things don't work out in the end, I will have given it a fair go and certainly will have learned more about myself and hopefully will have developed a fair bit of patience, which is something I've always lacked.

    I'll keep ya'll posted. Thanks for the love!

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