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Thread: Any INFJ girls?

  1. #61
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I am with people pretty much 24/7 and I never get to go home from work. I stay up late to get a little time by myself and about once a week or couple of weeks, I just have to get out by myself for an hour or two and go get a soda and read a book or something. I feel like I'm going to climb the walls if I don't. And that's living with with four introverts and an autistic extrovert who likes to spend a lot of time playing video games by himself. I pretty much have no social life outside my family right now except for talking to a few friends on the phone every day or two and for the time being, I'm fine with that.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post

    How do infj's handle the "lockout" when they have work responsibilities?
    I go to work because I have to go... but then afterwards, I usually withdraw a bit to recharge. When I'm in "lockout" mode, it's more that I'm locking out something specific that is draining on me. Also, my social life is the first thing to go when I am overworked/overstimulated/ridiculously tired.

  3. #63

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    I am going to attempt to go all day today without sending a text message or calling her. I've made it to 3pm! Yeah!
    I don't know if you infj people can fathom the amount of self-control that ENFP's do NOT have. This is big-time for me. Learning patience and self-control while she does whatever it is she is doing... I feel like a bad puppy who got kicked out of the house and locked in the backyard for licking too much...

  4. #64
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    I am going to attempt to go all day today without sending a text message or calling her. I've made it to 3pm! Yeah!
    I don't know if you infj people can fathom the amount of self-control that ENFP's do NOT have. This is big-time for me. Learning patience and self-control while she does whatever it is she is doing... I feel like a bad puppy who got kicked out of the house and locked in the backyard for licking too much...
    That's amazing dude!

    Believe it or not I've experienced that type of thing as well. I (like any other INFJ?) can get overly attached and know i shouldn't contact the person. Funny thing is that it tends to happen in reverse for me with extroverts. Their attention is sprinkled across time in such a way that it doesn't feel like a real connection was ever set to allow for freely contacting them. It feels like they want to do it. It feels that way because the few times i'll feebly try, it doesn't go so well.

    What to do for a distraction? Sometimes I'll create something inspired by the person. Or go for a walk.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  5. #65

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    yeah last night I went for a walk, drove an hour (each-way) to the closest big lake and sat on the pier staring at the stars, got home and took another walk.

    As frustrating as this is for me, it strangely makes me more attracted to her. Damn the things we can't have! And when she is in this mode, I swear only me getting hit by a city bus would get her to talk to me. It's unbelievable the determination to be left alone. Boggles my mind.

  6. #66
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    yeah last night I went for a walk, drove an hour (each-way) to the closest big lake and sat on the pier staring at the stars, got home and took another walk.

    As frustrating as this is for me, it strangely makes me more attracted to her. Damn the things we can't have! And when she is in this mode, I swear only me getting hit by a city bus would get her to talk to me. It's unbelievable the determination to be left alone. Boggles my mind.
    Personality differences do play a role, but completely cutting off communication might not be 100% healthy. People are always rather complex. Apologies if that is too direct. Healthy communication occurs when both people can state their needs and boundaries in simple and clear ways, and then these are respected and/or negotiated by the people involved. If there is too much mystery or a sense of being shut out, then something else is possibly occurring. Is this a committed relationship or still in the negotiation phase of becoming a relationship?
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  7. #67

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    it is a committed thing but I am not sure she is on board. Who knows... I guess I'll find out in the next couple of days!

    I mean she was on board before she locked herself away and I have no reasons to believe I did anything so...
    Last edited by findthejake; 10-19-2007 at 06:26 PM. Reason: clarification

  8. #68

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    ok well I haven't seen her since last sunday morning. Everything was better than fine then. I was supposed to meet her parents today but since we haven't talked since sunday other than the texts messages, well it didn't happen.

    Tonight I got so frusterated I finally called and told her that I couldn't do this for another week and really couldn't even do it another day. I was coming over tomorrow, either to get my stuff or to talk. It was upto her. It was of course on the voicemail since she doesn't answer. Oh and my voice was nice and I said I wasn't angry or mad just frusterated and confused.

    About 30 minutes later I realized I would never get to sleep tonight if I didn't do it tonight so I sent a text telling her I was going to get dressed and head over. Got one back telling me "No, I am going to *bestfriendsname* right now"

    I sent one back saying "Aight cool. Im glad you're talking to someone. I really do care about your wellbeing. Please care about mine."

    So I'm glad she's talking to someone. Pretty sure it's the first time this week she's talked to anyone at all. Even the rest of you infj's can't tell me that's healthy! So her best friend will either tell her to drop me cause of the "L" word thing or convince her that if she does like me - which she's told the bestfriend she really really does - than she's gotta talk to me. Either way this should be worked out by tomorrow which will mean that even if my heart is broken, at least it won't be tied to the train tracks waiting for the train or the hero and never knowing which....

    (how's that for a good enfp metaphor?)

  9. #69
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    ok well I haven't seen her since last sunday morning. Everything was better than fine then. I was supposed to meet her parents today but since we haven't talked since sunday other than the texts messages, well it didn't happen.
    Who arranged meeting her parents? Was it your suggestion or a mutual one?
    Tonight I got so frusterated I finally called and told her that I couldn't do this for another week and really couldn't even do it another day. I was coming over tomorrow, either to get my stuff or to talk. It was upto her. It was of course on the voicemail since she doesn't answer. Oh and my voice was nice and I said I wasn't angry or mad just frusterated and confused.
    Calling anyone too much isn't good imo. I personally hate the telephone and when I was single and dating, I would think it was creepy if the guy I was seeing was way more into me than I was with him. I think all your text messages and phone calls are too much. Especially if she isn't responding.
    About 30 minutes later I realized I would never get to sleep tonight if I didn't do it tonight so I sent a text telling her I was going to get dressed and head over. Got one back telling me "No, I am going to *bestfriendsname* right now"
    Sounds like she blew you off by telling you she was going to her friends house and she didn't say what she was going over there for. Maybe she went to her friends house and maybe she just told you that to prevent you from coming over.
    I sent one back saying "Aight cool. Im glad you're talking to someone. I really do care about your wellbeing. Please care about mine."
    Did she mention that she was going over there to talk about you?
    So I'm glad she's talking to someone. Pretty sure it's the first time this week she's talked to anyone at all. Even the rest of you infj's can't tell me that's healthy! So her best friend will either tell her to drop me cause of the "L" word thing or convince her that if she does like me - which she's told the bestfriend she really really does - than she's gotta talk to me. Either way this should be worked out by tomorrow which will mean that even if my heart is broken, at least it won't be tied to the train tracks waiting for the train or the hero and never knowing which....
    I think you're reading too much into the INFJ thing. People are people and even if ENFP's and INFJ's are "supposed' to be compatible, MBTI is an indicator.
    I'm not trying to be cruel or upset you, but it appears to me that if you're on here seeking advice about this relationship or lack thereof, you have to somewhat appreciate honesty.

    If she told you she wasn't interested in you and wanted to move on, how would you react?
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  10. #70

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    I would be fine with that! Like I said I just don't want to sit on the tracks anymore.

    She's the one who's been pushing to get me to meet her folks. I never suggested it but I did agree to it when she asked. Also she's the one who's been talking about the future all the time, asking me to help go with her to europe, disneyworld, california, all kinds of places.

    I send one text a day. That's it. Usually to tell her about a get together with friends or to ask how she's feeling.

    She goes through these shut-downs and then the first person she calls is her best friend. I know her feelings towards me are what brought about her shut-down. Whatever way she goes tomorrow, or tonight, I will be cool with. She is an amazing girl and I would love to be friends with her but I can not be ignored for days on end. It doesn't work for me.

    I guess maybe this thread should just be retitled and moved into the relationship forum eh? She is definitely infj but she has had some rough spots in her life that has made her very fragile. I'm trying to be patient but it's crazy hard.

    Anyway I'll stop with this thread now. Sorry to dump on all ya'll!

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