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Thread: Any INFJ girls?

  1. #21
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Just another funny thing I thought I'd throw out there - this best friend and I both **hate** the phone. In fact, her husband gets annoyed with her that she often doesn't even like to answer it. ;-)

    But we freely acknowledge that we're really weird when it comes to the phone thing - I've just always been that way, I just don't care for talking on the phone, even if it's with a good friend. We always end up e-mailing to set things up. ;-)

  2. #22
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    Just another funny thing I thought I'd throw out there - this best friend and I both **hate** the phone. In fact, her husband gets annoyed with her that she often doesn't even like to answer it. ;-)
    I've actually fallen in love with my cellphone over the last couple years and I won't go anywhere without it. However, I find it very, very difficult to call old family and friends even though I know I should. For some reason, it's just something I tend to avoid. Does that make any sense?

  3. #23

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    no. Ya'll are crazy.
    In person she is incredibly warm and affectionate but I do think she has a slight fear of verbal communication on the phone. I get amazing emails sent my way though!

  4. #24
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    Emails and letters are so much better than phone conversation. You can think and rethink and rephrase until the email is exactly what you want to say--and the person only has to read it once. On the phone, if you're constantly rephrasing, the poor guy has to listen to all your nonsense before you're finally satisfied that you've expressed yourself adequately.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
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    Definitely. That's the drawback with me and phones. 1) I can't see the person, so I can't at least show them what I mean via gestures. 2) I find it very difficult to pay attention to just a voice...it's just not as enjoyable as using e-mail or face-to-face communication. Now text messages are a whole other matter. I don't mind those, as long as the other person doesn't mind waiting 10 minutes while I puzzle out a properly spelled, grammatically correct message back.

  6. #26
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    Emails and letters are so much better than phone conversation. You can think and rethink and rephrase until the email is exactly what you want to say--and the person only has to read it once. On the phone, if you're constantly rephrasing, the poor guy has to listen to all your nonsense before you're finally satisfied that you've expressed yourself adequately.
    That is why I hate face-to-face conversation most of the time as well. I feel so clumsy and incoherent... and I get especially frustrated if I am having an "argument" (even a low-key one) where someone ends up picking at a particular clumsy way I said something that did not convey what I actually meant... so now I have to clarify what I meant all over again.

    And it gets SO confusing to them to hear me say, "Oh, fine -- just forget I said THAT, it wasn't what I meant at all, listen to THIS instead" ... over and over.

    Speaking to me is like "painting with a broad brush." I tend to be vague at first, then slowly hone in on what I want to say. Writing is so nice because I can do the polishing before the recipient sees it.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #27
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    I didn't get married until I was 28 and I knew as soon as I met my Husband that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

    I have never enjoyed dating extroverted men because imo they were major flirts which I wasn't comfortable with. I guess I like being the center of my mans attention.

    You really can't and shouldn't change who you are imo, but I suppose if you are really interested in this woman you should chill a bit. Let her know you're there, but don't be too eager as I think you may scare her off.

    PS we also met online and communicated for three months prior to meeing irl. There wasn't much we didn't know about one another which made being together easier. We didn't converse on the phone very well and still aren't too chatty when for example he's out of town and we speak on the phone. It's usually Hi, how was your day, mine was ok, I miss you and I love you nighty night
    Time is a delicate mistress.

  8. #28
    Senior Member xNFJiminy's Avatar
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    ENFP-INFJ is said to be an excellent match. True in my experience, at least for friendship.

    Only advice is remember she's likely not as comfortable with as much spontaneity as you are, and might not want to express that.

  9. #29

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    Do you INFJ girls tend to close down and lock people out?
    She told me in the past she's 'opened the door but left the safety chain on' and that she can feel herself doing that already but that for the first time she wants to let someone in all the way and that someone is me. None-the-less I can feel the walls going up, any suggestions? I know she digs me and I think she's just scared of being hurt and I really don't know how to help her.

  10. #30
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Without knowing her in particular, anything I say will be conjecture.

    But at least with me, sometimes I just get into little 'funks' - little moods - where I withdraw and I don't want to be around anyone, and it usually doesn't have anything to do with a specific person. While I'm in that mood, I'm aware that I'm in the mood, so I tend to stay quiet because of that. It's usually tied to me being self-reflective and going into analysis mode. I tend to distance myself from relationships in general at that point, just til I get more solid again. And..what I say when I'm feeling that way, is more likely a reflection of my present mood, which is why I don't say anything. I don't want to say anything that I'd regret, that comes out due to sheer irritability, or whatever.

    So it could just simply be one of her little bouts of introversion, and nothing more. I wouldn't worry too much about it, or push her too much to divulge. She'll divulge if she needs to. But maybe try to keep her from introverting too much...keep her active in the world, and try to do activities together.

    Sometimes when I'm aware I'm closing myself off, I wish deeply that I had an extrovert to pull me out, to keep me from going too far into my brain. So...activities!! Be present and available, but don't dig too deeply. She very likely will sort through whatever she's thinking about, on her own, and in her own time.

    And, because she probably DOES carry wounds from past relationships (don't we all?), I'm sure she will tippy-toe carefully into it, or go, then retreat a bit, assess things, then move forward again...just being more cautious.

    But again...simply conjecture based on myself. I think though that INFJ's are pretty complex anyway...so I have a feeling there are a lot of individual nuances.

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