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Thread: Any INFJ girls?

  1. #121
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    *gives jake a hug as well*

    You've tried very hard to make this work... it's just too bad that she wasn't the right one. I hope you feel better soon though!

  2. #122

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    Yeah I'll come out on top once I stop being depressed and let down and whatnot.

    I found out tonight that I am the FOURTH guy she has done this to in the past two years or so. That everything seems to be rolling along awesomely and then she just shuts down and cuts them off completely without explanation. So while that makes me feel a bit better knowing it's not me, I can't help but hurt for her. She lives in a dark place and I know now that I can't save her from it but I do hope that she'll find her way and that she'll let me be there as a friend.

    I am not religious anymore but it's people like her that I always felt like Jesus would have loved the most. Sorry, random thought...

  3. #123
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    Sorry it didn't work out, Jake. Women don't seem to usually end it that way--that is, pretending nothing's particularly wrong but then never seeing you again. That seems more of a guy's way of doing things.

    Oh well, you tried to show her that you were willing to give her more space and do things her way, but she never gave you a real opportunity to talk, make amends, and rework the relationship. If she doesn't get in contact pretty quick, then there's probably nothing more to be done about it. I don't think it's worth courting her from afar and trying to wear down her resistance over the long-term with a lot of big romantic gestures. She hasn't treated you very well with this break-up and she probably doesn't deserve that kind of effort from you.

    But you got a couple good things out of the relationship. You said that she reawakened in you a belief in passionate love and LTRs; you're young and there will be plenty of opportunities to fall in love again. And you're pretty sure you know what soured the relationship and how you can deal with the issue better next time; that puts you ahead of the game, because a lot of times the abandoned party has no clue why the relationship fell apart or why the other party suddenly cooled on them.

    Sorry we couldn't do more for you. But if she won't even give you the opportunity to sit down and talk with her and try to work something out, then it's pretty much out of your hands. I thought she would come around and be willing to talk things out since you two had already been pretty cozy for a month or so, but apparently it's not happening. [shrugs shoulders]

  4. #124

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    Just when ya'll thought it was over!

    Avoidant Personality Disorder.

    That's the answer. She has it. Probably doesn't even know she has it but everything matches, including INFJ's being most susceptible to it. But even outside of typology, everything she has told me and everything she has done is right in line with this disorder. Now I know for a fact I did nothing wrong, she shut down for fear of intimacy and nothing else. I don't have to take anything personal and now hopefully she can start to move forward and work through it like she told me she wanted to do. (before i put a name to the ailment)

    Anyway I am pretty excited about figuring all this out and am now starting to get advice from other people suffering from APD and their partners. How they broke through the walls that had been built and how they cope with it.

  5. #125
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    You rock, Jake. Whatever ends up happening I hope it's great.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #126

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    I can honestly say that at this point I am ok with not being her lover, she just needs a friend who is willing to be there and help her and I am going to be it.

    Everyone needs someone!

  7. #127
    *ears perk up* wolfmaiden14's Avatar
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    That makes you so full of win! I hope it's not hard on ya. <3
    Forming characters! Whose? Our own or others? Both. And in that momentous fact lies the peril and responsibility of our existence. - Elihu Burritt

    Member of the Maverick's Biker Club - Now crashing through walls instead of just..walking into them.

  8. #128
    It's always something... PuddleRiver's Avatar
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    What Cafe said goes for 'me too'. You really do rock.
    when you do meet 'Miss Right', she's gonna be one very lucky lady me thinks.
    Good luck to ya.
    "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay one invincible summer."
    ~~~~
    A Christian's life may be the only Bible some people ever read.
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    "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them" Maya Angelou.
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    I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" Gandhi
    ~~~~

  9. #129

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    I think im going to quit kids. I can't keep pretending like i am not being affected by her ignoring me, whether it's because of her disorder or not.

    I think two weeks of silence is demonstrating quite a bit of patience on my part and a total lack of respect for me on her part. Disorder or no. I'm so frusterated and confused right now... i hate this crap.

  10. #130
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by findthejake View Post
    I think im going to quit kids. I can't keep pretending like i am not being affected by her ignoring me, whether it's because of her disorder or not.

    I think two weeks of silence is demonstrating quite a bit of patience on my part and a total lack of respect for me on her part. Disorder or no. I'm so frusterated and confused right now... i hate this crap.
    1 vote for quitting. but make sure she knows about your extreme emotions (or at least mbti enfp) for a guy and that there will be a guy for her that can more naturally handle it.
    (more t/f balanced guy + her working on her APD = plenty of potential for the future. don't let her think she's got no future of intimacy. just make it clear it's not with you).
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

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