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[MBTI General] The Types in Marital Satisfaction

professor goodstain

New member
Joined
Feb 14, 2009
Messages
1,785
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ENFP
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7~7
ENFP women I know seem rather selfish, immature and lazy, IME. Their moods are so important. My mom, God love her, is pretty self-centered, but doesn't seem to even realize it.

EDIT: I DON'T THINK ENFP's ARE BAD. I just don't want someone too close to me.

My Mom, God love her, may or may not be self centered, but i never seem to realize it.
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
Jan 2, 2009
Messages
6,387
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ENTP
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7w8
You never know what is really happening in a marital relationship. I am not the type to call my girlfriends or mother or anyone else really and talk about my problems(introverted feeling?). My husband has done MANY things that absolutely nobody knows about, but if they did, they would see things much differently. They would see him much differently, so judging someone's marriage from the outside-in is usually impossible.

I know it's hard to hear semi-negative things about your type, but she has told me the same things that he has. No one is judging you.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
i was just with an istj...i hear ya girlie...different mind sets for sure...wth are ya gonna do...good luck to ya though :)

Yea, I couldn't see relating well too an SJ in a LT relationship either. I really enjoy SPs, and find that I'm able to relax and let go with them(not worry as much about the future). I have an easy time with other NFs as well, but I don't remember knowing too many male E-NFs. E-NTs are cool too.
 

ChocolateMoose123

New member
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Oct 4, 2008
Messages
5,278
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm in the middle of a divorce and I really wish I knew what my ex was. He cheated, and he was very much a "here and now" person, it was like the past and future did not exist for him.

I'm an INFJ and I did recognize my propensity to want this 'perfect' relationship, and certain things I'd always fantasized about seemed so much better in the fantasy than they did when they ACTUALLY happened. I recognized this though, acknowledged it aloud, and tried to work hard on appreciating what I had rather than chasing this stuff in my head.

I definitely see where my personality can be challenging, that's why I took pains to meet in the middle. Still, I sort of think my ex and I both tried really hard to meet in the middle but neither of us had the ability to recognize just how much the other was doing, if that makes sense. I probably neglected to see his efforts because I'm wired so innately different, and vice versa.

I have been really interested in the topic of personality types in reference to marriage/relationships. I don't want to get too crazy with it to the point I get like "I'm totally going to type everyone I date and I won't date them again if their type is on the 'incompatible with INFJ' list!!!".

It's just interesting to see how different types approach relationships, what things the different types have in common in terms of relationships.

That sounds very ISTP to me.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
I know it's hard to hear semi-negative things about your type, but she has told me the same things that he has. No one is judging you.


Oh ok, well if she agrees...How old is this lady?

I wasn't thinking you were judging me in particular, I was just saying in general, marriages can be kooky arrangements. It's difficult to tell what's really going on unless you're there all the time.

Supposedly the worst arrangements are between Extroverts and Introverts. Particularly extroverted women and introverted men. Go figure...
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
Joined
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Messages
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ENTP
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7w8
Oh ok, well if she agrees...How old is this lady?

I wasn't thinking you were judging me in particular, I was just saying in general, marriages can be kooky arrangements. It's difficult to tell what's really going on unless you're there all the time.

She's 38 now. Yeah, no one ever really knows what goes on behind closed doors - - and I don't want to know! :D
 

MonkeyGrass

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Jun 13, 2009
Messages
877
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
7
Myself and my NT are quite happy. Ha! Take that, stereotypes! :newwink:
 

MonkeyGrass

New member
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Jun 13, 2009
Messages
877
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
7
He's an INTJ. As introverted as they come. Funny, eh? But we have matching souls...I know, I know, very mysterious INFJ jibberish. But it's true, even after spending the first few years trying to terminate one another. :blush: I always surmise that nurture (or lack thereof) made his closet F a T. :whistling: He scowls when I say that out loud. :tongue:
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
He's an INTJ. As introverted as they come. Funny, eh? But we have matching souls...I know, I know, very mysterious INFJ jibberish. But it's true, even after spending the first few years trying to terminate one another. :blush: I always surmise that nurture (or lack thereof) made his closet F a T. :whistling: He scowls when I say that out loud. :tongue:

Two introverts together. Sweet!! I could see how that might be heaven seeing as you guys are so rare, and probably largely misunderstood by this generally extroverted world. Happy to hear of bliss somewhere on earth!!

So you guys tried to off each other early into the the relationship? How old were you then? Why the change? What made you stay together? I'm interested in knowing. You know for us NFers...there's always hope.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
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Yes, as usual we are using speculative resources on the internet quoted as the gospel truth. Can someone find the original published research? That would be more interesting to review than this condensed, misspelled version.

I hate to say it, but it can be true. I have an ENFP female friend married to an INTJ. He does everything, while she spends her time making silly cards for her friend's birthdays. It's sweet and everything, but she hardly thinks about what she can do for him. She always says "he'll take care of it" rather than helping him do it. But if she needs a ride somewhere and he's too tired to take her (he works 7 days per week!!), she throws the stupidest tantrums.

This smacks of emotional immaturity and may be best represented by a blending of enneagram type with MBTI to understand the dynamic better.

It's just that when someone says something remotely negative, she buries her head in the sand and refuses to hear it. It takes 3 or 4 people saying the same thing, forcing her to see herself, before she will listen. She is ultra sensitive to criticism, so she just ignores it and pretends it never happened which I imagine is hard for her husband. Beyond that, she is a lovely lovely woman.

Again, emotional immaturity, not a type stereotype per se. This is where I really like the enneagram because it adds this interesting dimension to our traits and how our emotional health potentially contorts them.

Ahhh, but you never know what is really happening in a marital relationship.

This is a truth to wisely be reminded of. No one really knows the healthy and unhealthy dynamics that relationships are founded upon.

In jenocyde's example above, he likely would feel lost if suddenly she didn't "need" him. Married for 19 years and she is now 38 - so she was 19 when they got married and she has likely always been treated like a princess and has never had to take care of herself or forge deeper coping skills when her needs are not met. And he may have developed this huge knight in shining armour / martyr complex wrapped around taking care of her that is now utterly self-perpetuating.

People treat us the way we let them treat us, so if he was having difficulty all these years I wonder why he would let it persist if he wasn't reaping any benefits? At the very least he enables her to continue living in this fairy-tale world. This is the dynamism of relationships that we are not ordinarily privy to. It sounds helpful jenocyde that you are there to assist with the reality check!
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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7w8
Well, he was also 19 and they had no life experience. He couldn't have left her because they don't divorce in their community.
 

Halla74

Artisan Conquerer
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Messages
6,898
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
7w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
INFJ women are noted to be low in their degree of marital satisfaction. I'll dig in the research pile I amassed last year for the actual site I found that gem on. BTW, my wife is INFJ. YES! I'm married to my shadow, and she to hers! :shock: But no one has been arrested yet and we're doing just fine. :D

ESTPs can remain happy in a long term relationship if they have the following 5 benefits:
---------------
(1) Sex
(2) Fun companionship
(3) Quality time
(4) Respect
(5) Peace & quiet

Furthermore, if they are whackjob 7w8 ESTP like me, it also helps if I don't feel like I am being limited, if someone is being needy (not in need), or likes things to be all work and no play...
 

Lady_X

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good points peacebaby
 

PeaceBaby

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Well, he was also 19 and they had no life experience.

I'm not on anyone's side here, just trying to illustrate a potential dynamic.

It sounds like they are both locked in the emotional structure forged at their young ages. They now need to communicate, both set some healthy boundaries and engage in dialogue so they can grow together and do some additional maturing, he as much as her mind you.

He couldn't have left her because they don't divorce in their community.

Did he want to leave her? Is that relevant?
 

Charmed Justice

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Yes, as usual we are using speculative resources on the internet quoted as the gospel truth. Can someone find the original published research? That would be more interesting to review than this condensed, misspelled version.

Arg! Well since you're apparently looking for FACTS:newwink:, here is the original study:

Women were dissatisfied with the marriage most often (33 percent) when they were married to a man who was an INTP; 31 percent were dissatisfied when they were married to an INFP; and 22 percent were dissatisfied when they were married to an ISFP. Only 13 percent of the men were dissatisfied when the women were an ENFJ and 12 percent of the men were dissatisfied when the women were an ENFP.
Relationships: Partner Satisfaction As Measured By the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

The satisfaction levels for women are lowest when married to introverted men, which backs up a few other studies. So it's largely theoretical that opposites on the MB attract, particularly when it plays out in a marriage for women. Men apparently are having a time with extroverted NF women. Maybe because we are the most outspoken about our romantic ideals? Maybe because we don't fit the "stereotypical woman" mold in Western society? Keirsey said that ENFP women were likely the ones spearheading the women's sexual revolution. Perhaps we are too open for most Western men? I've only had issues with introverted men. Although, I did date an INFP for years, and things were generally great with us.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
INFJ women are noted to be low in their degree of marital satisfaction. I'll dig in the research pile I amassed last year for the actual site I found that gem on. BTW, my wife is INFJ. YES! I'm married to my shadow, and she to hers! :shock: But no one has been arrested yet and we're doing just fine. :D

ESTPs can remain happy in a long term relationship if they have the following 5 benefits:
---------------
(1) Sex
(2) Fun companionship
(3) Quality time
(4) Respect
(5) Peace & quiet

Furthermore, if they are whackjob 7w8 ESTP like me, it also helps if I don't feel like I am being limited, if someone is being needy (not in need), or likes things to be all work and no play...

So, as a freedom seeking pleasure loving SP with an extroverted spin that prompts you to get out and around all kinds of new and interesting people, you don't find lifelong monogamy to be...monotonous?

Apparently it's common for ESTP's to marry INFJs. "The authors found very little evidence that opposites marry. The only exceptions were ESTJ men married to INFP women and ESTP men married to INFJ women."
 

jenocyde

half mystic, half skeksis
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Jan 2, 2009
Messages
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ENTP
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7w8
I'm not on anyone's side here, just trying to illustrate a potential dynamic.

It sounds like they are both locked in the emotional structure forged at their young ages. They now need to communicate, both set some healthy boundaries and engage in dialogue so they can grow together and do some additional maturing, he as much as her mind you.

Of course they are both in need of growth, everyone is. I only mentioned her because someone brought up ENFPs but I could have easily mentioned what she feels he needs to work on, as well.
 

PeaceBaby

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"The authors found very little evidence that opposites marry. The only exceptions were ESTJ men married to INFP women and ESTP men married to INFJ women."

I am married to an ESTJ so I guess I fulfill that "opposites attract" stereotype!

Of course they are both in need of growth, everyone is. I only mentioned her because someone brought up ENFPs but I could have easily mentioned what she feels he needs to work on, as well.

Excellent.
 
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