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  1. #31
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    INFS?
    Yes, as usual we are using speculative resources on the internet quoted as the gospel truth. Can someone find the original published research? That would be more interesting to review than this condensed, misspelled version.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    I hate to say it, but it can be true. I have an ENFP female friend married to an INTJ. He does everything, while she spends her time making silly cards for her friend's birthdays. It's sweet and everything, but she hardly thinks about what she can do for him. She always says "he'll take care of it" rather than helping him do it. But if she needs a ride somewhere and he's too tired to take her (he works 7 days per week!!), she throws the stupidest tantrums.
    This smacks of emotional immaturity and may be best represented by a blending of enneagram type with MBTI to understand the dynamic better.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    It's just that when someone says something remotely negative, she buries her head in the sand and refuses to hear it. It takes 3 or 4 people saying the same thing, forcing her to see herself, before she will listen. She is ultra sensitive to criticism, so she just ignores it and pretends it never happened which I imagine is hard for her husband. Beyond that, she is a lovely lovely woman.
    Again, emotional immaturity, not a type stereotype per se. This is where I really like the enneagram because it adds this interesting dimension to our traits and how our emotional health potentially contorts them.

    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    Ahhh, but you never know what is really happening in a marital relationship.
    This is a truth to wisely be reminded of. No one really knows the healthy and unhealthy dynamics that relationships are founded upon.

    In jenocyde's example above, he likely would feel lost if suddenly she didn't "need" him. Married for 19 years and she is now 38 - so she was 19 when they got married and she has likely always been treated like a princess and has never had to take care of herself or forge deeper coping skills when her needs are not met. And he may have developed this huge knight in shining armour / martyr complex wrapped around taking care of her that is now utterly self-perpetuating.

    People treat us the way we let them treat us, so if he was having difficulty all these years I wonder why he would let it persist if he wasn't reaping any benefits? At the very least he enables her to continue living in this fairy-tale world. This is the dynamism of relationships that we are not ordinarily privy to. It sounds helpful jenocyde that you are there to assist with the reality check!

  2. #32
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Well, he was also 19 and they had no life experience. He couldn't have left her because they don't divorce in their community.

  3. #33
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    INFJ women are noted to be low in their degree of marital satisfaction. I'll dig in the research pile I amassed last year for the actual site I found that gem on. BTW, my wife is INFJ. YES! I'm married to my shadow, and she to hers! But no one has been arrested yet and we're doing just fine.

    ESTPs can remain happy in a long term relationship if they have the following 5 benefits:
    ---------------
    (1) Sex
    (2) Fun companionship
    (3) Quality time
    (4) Respect
    (5) Peace & quiet

    Furthermore, if they are whackjob 7w8 ESTP like me, it also helps if I don't feel like I am being limited, if someone is being needy (not in need), or likes things to be all work and no play...

  4. #34
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    good points peacebaby
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #35
    Member illume's Avatar
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    Read the complete article: PersonalityDesk - Resources - Compatibility and Your Myers-Briggs ...... It appears that INTP's have the hardest time of it and that SFJ's like us NFP's pretty well!

    We ENFP women do not suck at our relationships! HA!

  6. #36
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Well, he was also 19 and they had no life experience.
    I'm not on anyone's side here, just trying to illustrate a potential dynamic.

    It sounds like they are both locked in the emotional structure forged at their young ages. They now need to communicate, both set some healthy boundaries and engage in dialogue so they can grow together and do some additional maturing, he as much as her mind you.

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    He couldn't have left her because they don't divorce in their community.
    Did he want to leave her? Is that relevant?

  7. #37
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Yes, as usual we are using speculative resources on the internet quoted as the gospel truth. Can someone find the original published research? That would be more interesting to review than this condensed, misspelled version.
    Arg! Well since you're apparently looking for FACTS, here is the original study:

    Women were dissatisfied with the marriage most often (33 percent) when they were married to a man who was an INTP; 31 percent were dissatisfied when they were married to an INFP; and 22 percent were dissatisfied when they were married to an ISFP. Only 13 percent of the men were dissatisfied when the women were an ENFJ and 12 percent of the men were dissatisfied when the women were an ENFP.
    Relationships: Partner Satisfaction As Measured By the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

    The satisfaction levels for women are lowest when married to introverted men, which backs up a few other studies. So it's largely theoretical that opposites on the MB attract, particularly when it plays out in a marriage for women. Men apparently are having a time with extroverted NF women. Maybe because we are the most outspoken about our romantic ideals? Maybe because we don't fit the "stereotypical woman" mold in Western society? Keirsey said that ENFP women were likely the ones spearheading the women's sexual revolution. Perhaps we are too open for most Western men? I've only had issues with introverted men. Although, I did date an INFP for years, and things were generally great with us.

  8. #38
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    INFJ women are noted to be low in their degree of marital satisfaction. I'll dig in the research pile I amassed last year for the actual site I found that gem on. BTW, my wife is INFJ. YES! I'm married to my shadow, and she to hers! But no one has been arrested yet and we're doing just fine.

    ESTPs can remain happy in a long term relationship if they have the following 5 benefits:
    ---------------
    (1) Sex
    (2) Fun companionship
    (3) Quality time
    (4) Respect
    (5) Peace & quiet

    Furthermore, if they are whackjob 7w8 ESTP like me, it also helps if I don't feel like I am being limited, if someone is being needy (not in need), or likes things to be all work and no play...
    So, as a freedom seeking pleasure loving SP with an extroverted spin that prompts you to get out and around all kinds of new and interesting people, you don't find lifelong monogamy to be...monotonous?

    Apparently it's common for ESTP's to marry INFJs. "The authors found very little evidence that opposites marry. The only exceptions were ESTJ men married to INFP women and ESTP men married to INFJ women."

  9. #39
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    I'm not on anyone's side here, just trying to illustrate a potential dynamic.

    It sounds like they are both locked in the emotional structure forged at their young ages. They now need to communicate, both set some healthy boundaries and engage in dialogue so they can grow together and do some additional maturing, he as much as her mind you.
    Of course they are both in need of growth, everyone is. I only mentioned her because someone brought up ENFPs but I could have easily mentioned what she feels he needs to work on, as well.

  10. #40
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    "The authors found very little evidence that opposites marry. The only exceptions were ESTJ men married to INFP women and ESTP men married to INFJ women."
    I am married to an ESTJ so I guess I fulfill that "opposites attract" stereotype!

    Quote Originally Posted by jenocyde View Post
    Of course they are both in need of growth, everyone is. I only mentioned her because someone brought up ENFPs but I could have easily mentioned what she feels he needs to work on, as well.
    Excellent.

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