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  1. #31
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Dig deeper into who we are, try to understand how we work, and just show us that we are relevant.
    It really doesn't take much if you actually care and appreciate an ENFJ. We just want some of the effort/depth to be reciprocated. Words are enough or even small gestures.

    Just be aware, basically. We're usually not throw-away people and that's usually how we're treated.

    Quote Originally Posted by Piedpiper View Post
    So basically ENFJs need to be told that they are amazing...all the time?
    Perhaps I've just known lame ENFJs but do they sometimes use the tactic of working allot just so that they can use it against you, all the while saying they did it for you? Like this "I labor so much, look at how much I do for you" while really it's just so you will respond "yes, you do work allot, you're amazing and I'm so grateful to you...I owe you my life?" lol..
    I think this is a trait of ENFJs who haven't learned or have been burned. We're prone to giving everything we can sacrifice to someone and we don't need them to do the same for us, but we want to know that they see what we are doing. It's a reassurance so we can keep up our end and feel a mutual bond with someone, opposed to a one-sided, surface interaction.
    Usually, i won't guilt people into reassuring me if they don't seem to see it. I'll still be thinking it though. Manipulation tactic that needs to be controlled, basically.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
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  2. #32
    Junior Member Piedpiper's Avatar
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    I certainly hope so.

  3. #33
    Junior Member Piedpiper's Avatar
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    my last post was at juice, sorry.

  4. #34
    Junior Member Piedpiper's Avatar
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    Unkindloving, the wounded explanation does make allot of sense.
    However, would an ENFJ have a difficult time showing gratitude to someone else for having worked really hard for them, or just working hard in general? Would this also be an result of being burned?

  5. #35
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Piedpiper View Post
    Unkindloving, the wounded explanation does make allot of sense.
    However, would an ENFJ have a difficult time showing gratitude to someone else for having worked really hard for them, or just working hard in general? Would this also be an result of being burned?
    Commonly, it shouldn't be a problem. We encourage people and love to appreciate others, but the wounded thing can also apply. Either that or not exactly knowing how to show someone gratitude as we are usually the people working hard for others. We can appreciate it more than anything when the roles are switched, but may not be used to conveying it.

    I've been burned in the past on all fronts and i will randomly show someone appreciation and gratitude, but find it difficult when they actually do something for me. I can get defensive about it, suspicious, or overly modest (believe that's a proper word for it) depending on the situation.
    Hang on traveling woman - Don't sacrifice your plan
    Cause it will come back to you - Before you lose it on the man


    .:: DWTWD ::.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]


    2011 TypeC Exercise Challenge - My Weekly Goals: Cardio 4x. Yoga/Pilates 1x. Pushups 70.

    There is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked - It is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

  6. #36
    Senior Member copperfish17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Piedpiper View Post
    However, would an ENFJ have a difficult time showing gratitude to someone else for having worked really hard for them, or just working hard in general? Would this also be an result of being burned?
    Mind you this is only about ONE ENFJ I know IRL, meaning her behavior may not represent the ENFJ population as a whole:

    The ENFJ I know IRL has no problem expressing gratitude to someone else for having worked really hard for them. It's usually a "thank you so much" accompanied with a hug. She's really graceful about those kind of things.

    I guess an interesting thing about her is that... when I volunteer myself to help her do something, she keeps on asking me if I have to do something else. Like she feels bad for taking up my time to do other things I like/have to do. I usually laugh it off saying something along the lines of, "I'm voluntarily offering to help you, so don't worry about it - I'd rather help you than do something else right now." Well I guess that's Fe for you (on her part)?
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  7. #37
    Member Ethelred the Unready's Avatar
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    I do like feeling appreciated. People don't need to tell me when they appreciate something I've done, though. I'd rather they didn't say anything, as it often embarrases me. If they truly mean it, I'll pick up on their feeling and be satisfied. If they don't, I'll pick up on their insincerity and feel hurt. It's as simple as that for me.
    We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull; some have weird names and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.

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