[INFP] Accepting your Flaws..INFPs

[The Outsider]

Just because there is an ideal or a dream on the horizon, doesn't mean one feels unhappy and unfulfilled being where they are currently.

 

[heart]

^ Totally agree.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I know i shouldn't be posting here but i don't really care.
Perfection although taking many forms means you have to take control of everything, no errors, perfect performances to be totally competent. Name me one individual who is capable of that. Those expectations are far to high, you can only disappoint yourself which can lead to depression.
A perfectionists mindset means you will find flaws, how frustrating must that be to others and yourself.

Jeez. Lower the bar and live a happy and healthy life.
We get one chance to go, be and do. Yet we put these obstacles in our way.

Not necessarily...

It is these standards of "perfection" which motivate the idealist to create, to be innovative, to achieve that which does not yet exist in trying to reach their ideal. The constant evaluating of oneself and the world often means a constant effort to grow and improve, not necessarily constant disappointment. In that way, INFPs can bring out the best in people & their environment. This is also partially why the profiles say some INFPs have been great, humanistic catalysts in the world. You kind of have to have some vision of perfection behind your cause that moves you forward with it.

You know what is far worse? An INFP whose dreams have been killed off by naysayers and who has sunken into a withdrawn, cynical mindset.

 

[heart]

^ Yeah, an IFP needs to have something higher than themselves to believe in, an ideal, a project, something or else they go ego based and become very ugly beings indeed:

Carl Jung. "Psychological Types" Book. CHAPTER X (General Description Of The Types). The Introverted type.

But, wherever the unconscious subject is identified with the ego, the mysterious power of the intensive feeling is also transformed into banal and arrogant ambition, vanity, and [p. 495] petty tyranny. This produces a type of woman most regrettably distinguished by her unscrupulous ambition and mischievous cruelty. But this change in the picture leads also to neurosis.

So long as the ego feels itself housed, as it were, beneath the heights of the unconscious subject, and feeling reveals something higher and mightier than the ego, the type is normal. The unconscious thinking is certainly archaic, yet its reductions may prove extremely helpful in compensating the occasional inclinations to exalt the ego into the subject. But, whenever this does take place by dint of complete suppression of the unconscious reductive thinking-products, the unconscious thinking goes over into opposition and becomes projected into objects. Whereupon the now egocentric subject comes to feel the power and importance of the depreciated object. Consciousness begins to feel 'what others think'.

Naturally, others are thinking, all sorts of baseness, scheming evil, and contriving all sorts of plots, secret intrigues, etc. To prevent this, the subject must also begin to carry out preventive intrigues, to suspect and sound others, to make subtle combinations. Assailed by rumours, he must make convulsive efforts to convert, if possible, a threatened inferiority into a superiority. Innumerable secret rivalries develop, and in these embittered struggles not only will no base or evil means be disdained, but even virtues will be misused and tampered with in order to play the trump card. Such a development must lead to exhaustion. The form of neurosis is neurasthenic rather than hysterical; in the case of women we often find severe collateral physical states, as for instance anæmia and its sequelæ.

 

[Udog]

You know what is far worse? An INFP whose dreams have been killed off by naysayers and who has sunken into a withdrawn, cynical mindset.

^ Yeah, an IFP needs to have something higher than themselves to believe in, an ideal, a project, something or else they go ego based and become very ugly beings indeed:

You kill the main thing that makes the INFP a 'good' person. I think alot of the bad INFP behavior that board members have talked about comes from an INFP whose ideals were crushed, and simply no longer care.

 

[Jack_Rabid]

For various reasons I have To stop posting here

A few Things..

In no way was I presenting a true picture of my relationship.. I only knew the things I mentioned were key to something that was not working.. And knew if I saw certain things in writing I would be able to hear what I wasn't hearing..

In Reality, my INFP does not have trouble admitting her flaws.. they simply make her very uncomfortable..(and I ought to be able to deal with that with ease)

I needed to present MY ARGUMENTS.. not hers.. and see how others who might think and feel in similar ways to how she does would respond..

I did not look for or want people to back me.. but rather her.. Once a few people mirrored what she was saying.. I began to listen.. It horrifies her that It had to some this..But the end result is a total self inventory that has bared my soul to me.. With a few choice words.. my carefully constructed defenses came crashing down... and the mess I have been avoiding and that has been poisoning our relationship stared me in the eyes .. and it was only ME looking at me..

In not wanting to deal with the hurt I caused others that I cared for and loved,,
I withdrew and stopped placing ANY value on the emotions (mine or others) That are the most important to me..Worst of all.. I ignored my capacity for empathy.. and that alone is how I ended up here..

I have a lot to learn about myself still.. and much more to learn about others
and most importantly I have to understand the VALUE people place in emotions and the actual value of emotions themselves..

I sit here today with no defenses ...they have all been removed.. I feel very naked and exposed..

But the reason they are gone is because of the patience and love of my INFP.. And I owe her a debt of patience and understanding in return..As well as not withholding the things she loves about me most..
And I also understand how I owe it to me

Of course nothing will be fixed over night.. I have to stop being scared.. and that is never easy..

But I thank some of you and her.. For your precise yet gentle way of expressing yourselves.. and showing a crusty old bastard (I'm 40 LOL) that feelings are OK too.. and that a life of rational thought alone.. Is incomplete..

Cheers!!

 

[Darkéy]

Rawr, I do love a happy ending. Or at least a happy ending in progress

Glad things are working out for you both and hope that you continue to work towards that middle ground, in order to better understand each other and yourselves.

On a side note I liked the analogy made earlier in the thread about INFP's being a finely tuned and decorative sword. Quite apt I dare say xD

X.

 

[Saslou]

Thank you for finally being at peace with yourself Jason.
I do wish you both the best of luck.
However, Couldn't this of been shared between you and Kate.
You know this is my place.
Haven't i been kicked in the teeth enough.

For various reasons I have To stop posting here

A few Things..

In no way was I presenting a true picture of my relationship.. I only knew the things I mentioned were key to something that was not working.. And knew if I saw certain things in writing I would be able to hear what I wasn't hearing..

In Reality, my INFP does not have trouble admitting her flaws.. they simply make her very uncomfortable..(and I ought to be able to deal with that with ease)

I needed to present MY ARGUMENTS.. not hers.. and see how others who might think and feel in similar ways to how she does would respond..

I did not look for or want people to back me.. but rather her.. Once a few people mirrored what she was saying.. I began to listen.. It horrifies her that It had to some this..But the end result is a total self inventory that has bared my soul to me.. With a few choice words.. my carefully constructed defenses came crashing down... and the mess I have been avoiding and that has been poisoning our relationship stared me in the eyes .. and it was only ME looking at me..

In not wanting to deal with the hurt I caused others that I cared for and loved,,
I withdrew and stopped placing ANY value on the emotions (mine or others) That are the most important to me..Worst of all.. I ignored my capacity for empathy.. and that alone is how I ended up here..

I have a lot to learn about myself still.. and much more to learn about others
and most importantly I have to understand the VALUE people place in emotions and the actual value of emotions themselves..

I sit here today with no defenses ...they have all been removed.. I feel very naked and exposed..

But the reason they are gone is because of the patience and love of my INFP.. And I owe her a debt of patience and understanding in return..As well as not withholding the things she loves about me most..
And I also understand how I owe it to me

Of course nothing will be fixed over night.. I have to stop being scared.. and that is never easy..

But I thank some of you and her.. For your precise yet gentle way of expressing yourselves.. and showing a crusty old bastard (I'm 40 LOL) that feelings are OK too.. and that a life of rational thought alone.. Is incomplete..

Cheers!!

 

[Saslou]

Things never look as they may seem.


OK. Its 1.32am and i apologise but i am going to use this place as a sound board just for a moment as i have noone to speak to. I have spent the last 4-5 hours sobbing and i need to sleep at some point and the painkillers are not kicking in. Black and white words usually helps.


Sorry for the rant.

 

[Giggly]

This thread is...