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  1. #21
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    I guess I DO miss the point and this is typical of me in dealing with my INFP.. I am intelligent an observant but When it comes to her.. and you, now.. I simply miss the point..

    being a perfectionist when you are not perfect .. especially morally and ethically.. is illogical.. all you do is set yourself up disappointment by setting standards that cant always be maintained by you or the people you love
    Logic does not necessarily interest us. And sometimes the pursuit of something, even if the final goal is ultimately unattainable, is where value is found.

    Seriously though, we don't place much emphasis on pure logic. Especially not when dealing with others. Common INTJ INFP pitfall/miscommunication IME.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    I guess I DO miss the point and this is typical of me in dealing with my INFP.. I am intelligent an observant but When it comes to her.. and you, now.. I simply miss the point..

    being a perfectionist when you are not perfect .. especially morally and ethically.. is illogical.. all you do is set yourself up disappointment by setting standards that cant always be maintained by you or the people you love
    but we are better people, and help make a better world, for trying...

    reasonableness in expectations, especially of ourselves, is not something that we are known for being good at

  3. #23
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    YES!!!!!! but that is also my failing.. I want results and can rarely give her the time she needs..

    but after she has mulled and apologized.. If of course I was in fact correct in the 1st place...It seems that the admission itself is something that cannot be accepted and the she goes on the offensive..

    it would have been wonderful indeed, if she could have also toughened up a little or at least realized my ultimate goal was harmony between us..and not take it as an all out personal attack..I am not always soft.. but I try to be fair honest and just in lieu.. I guess that is just not what she needs
    Add some compassion in with that fairness & honesty, and you'll probably achieve the softness necessary to deal with her. After all, if an approach is not effective, then it doesn't matter how "right" you are. Approach can be everything in this case.

    If she's attacking you as a way to deflect from the issue at hand, then that is immaturity though.


    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    I guess I DO miss the point and this is typical of me in dealing with my INFP.. I am intelligent an observant but When it comes to her.. and you, now.. I simply miss the point.
    Yes, this happens a lot with people and INTJs and INFPs, in my experience. I found I really puzzled the INTJs I dated briefly. The INFP is like an abstract work of art. Just appreciate, don't try and make sense of it all
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #24
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Ok, let me answer the OP. Welcome to the board, btw. Sorry to hear about your relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    Is this common for INFPs in general.. or was it simply a poor dynamic of our personality types???
    No, I'd say it's fairly common for an immature INFP, or an especially insecure older one.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    Do you guys and gals have trouble knowing you have the odd less than desirable trait??
    No no, we are already well aware we have them. We just don't like having them pointed out to us as a general rule. Especially at length. This is a type weakness which can be overcome but takes a bit of work.

    Good luck!

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    Logic does not necessarily interest us. And sometimes the pursuit of something, even if the final goal is ultimately unattainable, is where value is found.

    Seriously though, we don't place much emphasis on pure logic. Especially not when dealing with others. Common INTJ INFP pitfall/miscommunication IME.
    I like you INFPs.. you have a wisdom about things that are so alien to me..
    even If i don't see logic.. I see the value of your approach to things..But it's like trying to teach a cat how to bark.. that sort of emotional depth escapes me.. and My girl tried but the intensity of her feelings overwhelms me and the burden of trying to live up those ideals can be so taxing

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    but we are better people, and help make a better world, for trying...

    reasonableness in expectations, especially of ourselves, is not something that we are known for being good at
    As I have learned.. you been most insightful Scott N Denver.. I salute you

  7. #27
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    I guess I DO miss the point and this is typical of me in dealing with my INFP.. I am intelligent an observant but When it comes to her.. and you, now.. I simply miss the point..

    being a perfectionist when you are not perfect .. especially morally and ethically.. is illogical.. all you do is set yourself up disappointment by setting standards that cant always be maintained by you or the people you love
    Your logic does not concern us. Which must be very baffling and frustrating. It behooves you to get over that though.

    Also, we will make you feel all warm and gooey on the inside.

    Be VERY careful in how you criticize us. As a person with lots of experience of being on the receiving side of THAT, I can tell you thats very important to us. Diplomacy and gentleness will serve you well in spades here, no matter how hard it may be for you to do so, or how much it feels like your giving in and wussifying yourself by doing so

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Add some compassion in with that fairness & honesty, and you'll probably achieve the softness necessary to deal with her. After all, if an approach is not effective, then it doesn't matter how "right" you are. Approach can be everything in this case.

    If she's attacking you as a way to deflect from the issue at hand, then that is immaturity though.




    Yes, this happens a lot with people and INTJs and INFPs, in my experience. I found I really puzzled the INTJs I dated briefly. The INFP is like an abstract work of art. Just appreciate, don't try and make sense of it all
    LOL You really do sound just like her.. but you are also very insightful and articulate...(not meaning she isn't).. just you and Scott have spoken to me with language I can understand and I appreciate it..

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    Your logic does not concern us. Which must be very baffling and frustrating. It behooves you to get over that though.

    Also, we will make you feel all warm and gooey on the inside.

    Be VERY careful in how you criticize us. As a person with lots of experience of being on the receiving side of THAT, I can tell you thats very important to us. Diplomacy and gentleness will serve you well in spades here, no matter how hard it may be for you to do so, or how much it feels like your giving in and wussifying yourself by doing so
    it is extremely frustrating.. And this is a well moderated sight.. so i wont get into the gooey stuff.. save to say "I know"..

    Sometimes it is easy for me to Give in because I love her.. but I am about fairness and compromise .. which isn't always about logic.. but rather an emotional need.. and therefore why isn't it a moral and ethical priority for my girl?? to at least give in to me 1 out of ten times??

  10. #30
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Add some compassion in with that fairness & honesty, and you'll probably achieve the softness necessary to deal with her. After all, if an approach is not effective, then it doesn't matter how "right" you are. Approach can be everything in this case.

    If she's attacking you as a way to deflect from the issue at hand, then that is immaturity though.




    Yes, this happens a lot with people and INTJs and INFPs, in my experience. I found I really puzzled the INTJs I dated briefly. The INFP is like an abstract work of art. Just appreciate, don't try and make sense of it all
    OA, you might be a piece of art but I prefer to think of myself as a finely crafted katana, or maybe tai chi sword. Its very ornate and detailed, and it looks cool and gives off a nifty yet disciplined vibe, but when need be it can lay down the Fi-smack like no other. Hmm, I was making a joke, and yet its all serious/valid too. We INFP's are complex...

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