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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    There's not enough information here to give any kind of real feedback. jmo. What were the flaws that you had a problem with? What was the context in which the discussions came up?
    Ok then.. I am kinda private.. but I am also really hurting.. and willing to gain whatever insight I can..so I will share a little.. But I must say in advance.. that you are only getting my perception and she might have something completely different to say on the subject if she was part of the conversation..

    For example.. honesty.. she says this is paramount.. yet she is not so willing to practice it herself... I am expected to share all .. and I have no justification for ever being dishonest or withholding info.. But she is justified always.. it's almost like she considers herself the Moral expert so her judgment is always valid but mine is underhanded.. they probably came up at the wrong time a little too often.. I seemed to get that one wrong quite often.. not knowing when not too approach her

    Is that more helpful??

    Oh!! or how about?.. internet history.. mine is never deleted and there for her to see.. hers on the other hand is deleted automatically when she closes a window.. or so she says.. but I checked her settings.. and it is set to delete after 3 days.. which means she manually deletes it..

    Yet I am questioned about my internet behavior ..and not believed often when I respond.. however I must trust her that she is not hiding something and if I dare to question it.. I have gone where I shouldn't.. I lack faith in her love.. and she only deletes her history because her kids use her PC.. which is silly.. because she see her kids on average once a month..and even when she does.. they don't always go her PC..

    Obviously I am going to point out the hypocrisy at this point..

    I hope that helps more with context

  2. #12
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I find the exact opposite in other INFPs and myself: we are painfully, painfully aware of our flaws, more so than others. However, we are very sensitive to having them thrown in our face, so it needs to be done with care and in a constructive manner. Being idealists, our flaws can become over-magnified to the point of immobilizing us, so gentle encouragement goes much farther than harsh critiques.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I find the exact opposite in other INFPs and myself: we are painfully, painfully aware of our flaws, more so than others. However, we are very sensitive to having them thrown in our face, so it needs to be done with care and in a constructive manner. Being idealists, our flaws can become over-magnified to the point of immobilizing us, so gentle encouragement goes much farther than harsh critiques.
    This is a serious failing of mine... and you sound exactly like her...

    I am realizing that she is right.. I am an asshole

  4. #14
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    This is a serious failing of mine... and you sound exactly like her...

    I am realizing that she is right.. I am an asshole
    Actually, you may be right about her flaws, but INFPs have to be dealt with delicately in these situations, which I imagine can be a bit like walking on egg shells for people. You may need to soften a bit, and she may need to toughen up a bit & take criticism without always going on the defense.

    In my case, when I receive criticism, even if I refute it in the moment out of hurt, I do reflect later on it, mull it over, and make changes if I decide it's necessary. So if she sounds like me, maybe she is not brushing the criticism off internally.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #15
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I find the exact opposite in other INFPs and myself: we are painfully, painfully aware of our flaws, more so than others. However, we are very sensitive to having them thrown in our face, so it needs to be done with care and in a constructive manner. Being idealists, our flaws can become over-magnified to the point of immobilizing us, so gentle encouragement goes much farther than harsh critiques.
    I fully concur.

    "Why aren't I perfect yet!?!?!?!" could be the official INFP motto

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Actually, you may be right about her flaws, but INFPs have to be dealt with delicately in these situations, which I imagine can be a bit like walking on egg shells for people. You may need to soften a bit, and she may need to toughen up a bit & take criticism without always going on the defense.

    In my case, when I receive criticism, even if I refute it in the moment out of hurt, I do reflect later on it, mull it over, and make changes if I decide it's necessary. So if she sounds like me, maybe she is not brushing the criticism off internally.
    YES!!!!!! but that is also my failing.. I want results and can rarely give her the time she needs..

    but after she has mulled and apologized.. If of course I was in fact correct in the 1st place...It seems that the admission itself is something that cannot be accepted and the she goes on the offensive..

    it would have been wonderful indeed, if she could have also toughened up a little or at least realized my ultimate goal was harmony between us..and not take it as an all out personal attack..I am not always soft.. but I try to be fair honest and just in lieu.. I guess that is just not what she needs

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I fully concur.

    "Why aren't I perfect yet!?!?!?!" could be the official INFP motto
    Perfect is unattainable.. especially in human dynamics.. personally or in relations to others ..

    Just come to grips with that..You may not be perfect.. but pretty damn awesome is still pretty damn awesome and it's nothing to be ashamed of..

  8. #18
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack_Rabid View Post
    Perfect is unattainable.. especially in human dynamics.. personally or in relations to others ..

    Just come to grips with that..You may not be perfect.. but pretty damn awesome is still pretty damn awesome and it's nothing to be ashamed of..
    You miss the point. INFP's are perfectionists, particularly wrt to our own morals/ethics. Don't try to bring reality or even just reasonableness into this!

    INFP's are generally considered the most idealistic of all the NF idealists. I don't know how to convey just how to idealistic we are/can be, other than to say VERY!!!

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    You miss the point. INFP's are perfectionists, particularly wrt to our own morals/ethics. Don't try to bring reality or even just reasonableness into this!

    INFP's are generally considered the most idealistic of all the NF idealists. I don't know how to convey just how to idealistic we are/can be, other than to say VERY!!!
    I guess I DO miss the point and this is typical of me in dealing with my INFP.. I am intelligent an observant but When it comes to her.. and you, now.. I simply miss the point..

    being a perfectionist when you are not perfect .. especially morally and ethically.. is illogical.. all you do is set yourself up disappointment by setting standards that cant always be maintained by you or the people you love

  10. #20
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJ
    being a perfectionist when you are not perfect .. .. is illogical..
    Heh, something about that strikes me as funny. Odd.

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