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  1. #11
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    So I am pretty much deciding to cut my losses here. It's so sad I really love them.

    So saying that, I'm not very good at this type of thing. I don't have a lot of experience. Are there any tips for NF's getting over long relationships in this manner?

  2. #12

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    Good friends and a support group outside JW could help a lot. ie. people you can talk to and hang out with who aren't involved.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  3. #13
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sabastious View Post
    So saying that, I'm not very good at this type of thing. I don't have a lot of experience. Are there any tips for NF's getting over long relationships in this manner?
    Well, there is an NF I know who got through such a situation by playing World of Warcraft for a few months. Heard it was really cathartic for them. If you do that, you might really enjoy playing as a Forsaken and fighting the Scarlet Crusaders, considering how miserable religious zealots have been making your life.

    Personally, my usually solution is to just stay away from them and let time pass, maybe giving myself a few things like favorite foods when it's hitting particularly hard. Most importantly, time heals all wounds.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sabastious View Post
    So I am pretty much deciding to cut my losses here. It's so sad I really love them.

    So saying that, I'm not very good at this type of thing. I don't have a lot of experience. Are there any tips for NF's getting over long relationships in this manner?
    Your not responsible for other people's choices or decisions. As much as our Fi would like to think that if everyone just got together and opened their hearts and listened to each other and cared, that everything could work out, the simple reality is that's just not how things tend to go. People's hearts aren't necessarily open, now do people have to care, or want to listen, or anything else. We live in a free society, they made their decision, you can't change their decision, now decide to move on with your life. Find new things, find new people, engage in your favorite activities. Know that there is nothing more you can do wrt to them, and then do your best to let it go.

  5. #15

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    I'd say you have to leave it, because you'll have a lot of trouble changing their outlook. But I wouldn't protect them, they are straight out manipulating you. That is pretty much the purpose of discommunication. To make you come back because you have nothing outside it to turn to. And to make sure you don't throw any spanners in the faith of others who are still within it. Any anger they have toward you is totally unjustified. So don't even question that it isn't. It will never be a crime to think and have your own outlook.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  6. #16
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    I'd say you have to leave it, because you'll have a lot of trouble changing their outlook. But I wouldn't protect them, they are straight out manipulating you. That is pretty much the purpose of discommunication. To make you come back because you have nothing outside it to turn to. And to make sure you don't throw any spanners in the faith of others who are still within it. Any anger they have toward you is totally unjustified. So don't even question that it isn't. It will never be a crime to think and have your own outlook.
    +1

    It's very important now that you begin to fill your life with people who care about you, for you, and not for some religious badge you wear.

    One of the things that has helped me most in letting go of my family, is by making the choice mine.

    As far as I see it, real love supercedes religious love, I have seen other religious families learn to cope with the apostate within their midst, without disowning them, and that IS love, not what you are experiencing, nor what I did.

    Therefore make this choice yours, you may love them but aren't you angry to be so devalued by them?

    It's that anger at their stupidity that gets me through each day tbh. I'm still not at that "not feeling" stage.

    A support group as someone else mentioned is also a must, there was nowhere online really that fit what I needed for suuport, so I started a forum up with 3 other like minded people, and now it's full of people in the same boat as me, and we help each other by forming our own type of family.

    So keep busy, get mad, and believe me, one day this won't bother you as much.

    I only feel sad a couple of times a month these days, there was a time where I went to sleep with a heavy heart each night.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  7. #17
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    Tonight, you and your cousins are in my prayers. (So are you Miss BerberElla).

    They have rejected love, but I hope you don't do the same. They have separated themselves from you, but forgive them, and hopefully they will be restored to you.

    I read this today and it greatly encouraged me, and it seems appropriate to share. I hope you too might draw some strength from it (1 Peter 3:8, ESV):

    Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.
    Wherever you are, may you find the strength to endure this trial, to forgive, to hold onto love, and may you find comfort and unity.

  8. #18
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    +1

    It's very important now that you begin to fill your life with people who care about you, for you, and not for some religious badge you wear.

    One of the things that has helped me most in letting go of my family, is by making the choice mine.

    As far as I see it, real love supercedes religious love, I have seen other religious families learn to cope with the apostate within their midst, without disowning them, and that IS love, not what you are experiencing, nor what I did.

    Therefore make this choice yours, you may love them but aren't you angry to be so devalued by them?

    It's that anger at their stupidity that gets me through each day tbh. I'm still not at that "not feeling" stage.

    A support group as someone else mentioned is also a must, there was nowhere online really that fit what I needed for suuport, so I started a forum up with 3 other like minded people, and now it's full of people in the same boat as me, and we help each other by forming our own type of family.

    So keep busy, get mad, and believe me, one day this won't bother you as much.

    I only feel sad a couple of times a month these days, there was a time where I went to sleep with a heavy heart each night.
    Not to turn hijack this for a religous discussion, but I will say, that Jesus is true love. That's what he preached and that's what he did. I agree with Ms. B that "Religious Love"--i.e. love dependant on belonging to a certain group or whatever--is completely and utterly false. God is probably disgusted by the whole thing.

    When Christ said "Love one another." He did not add conditions.

  9. #19
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    Your cousins have closed the door for now. These people have a strong faith and a certain lifestyle they live by. I think they do love you but it seems to me that they find it very hard to let you in right now, that in the past there was something about you (we don't know what it was) that presented challenges to their peace of mind. They've decided that, in their own best interest they need to be separated from you. I think you should concentrate on getting your life, and the life with your wife back into a healthy balance. When everything is more in harmony with you, the word will get to them through others in your family. Give it some time then send your cousins a nice card, don't mention anything about yourself, just wish them love and happiness. You can fix this but it will take time.

  10. #20
    Senior Member statuesquechica's Avatar
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    I'm sorry for your loss. You have to do what is best for you, and it sounds as though you have. I see nothing wrong with leaving the door open for possible change in the future, but you have to take care of yourself first.
    I've looked at life from both sides now
    From up and down and still somehow
    It's life's illusions I recall
    I really don't know life at all

    Joni Mitchell

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