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  1. #31
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    I'm not an INFJ, but I am very hard to really get to know, if not impossible. Even my best friend, whom I've known pretty much since I was born, doesn't know a lot of things about me. I'm not purposefully trying to hide who I am, I usually just don't see how it should matter to anyone I guess. I'm trying to figure out who I am myself, no need to mix others into it.
    Recently I've been trying to be more open though. Just this summer I told that friend about some things that haunted my childhood and teenage years. He was genuinely surprised by all of it.
    And no, I didn't feel like some weight was taken off from my shoulders or anything. I've always been perfectly fine taking things in and letting them dissolve.

  2. #32
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edge View Post
    ditto. something's amiss?
    This is because the two share Fe/Ti. When you have the same judgment styles, you tend to have similar values.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  3. #33
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    I have the same problem with people knowing me, and I'm dumbfounded sometimes because I feel like I'm actually pretty expressive and open. I have the problem where people latch on with the "It's like you and I have this...connection" and in my head I'm like "Uhhhh, we DO?". Meanwhile, we have next to nothing in common save a couple of similar life experiences.

    I'm not sure why people constantly fail to know me very well. For example, I am a writer and it's my passion, I talk about this passion, I express my devotion to it and my dreams surrounding it but very, very rarely does anyone seem to take interest in this part of me. I find that people usually hone directly in on the things that I like that they do too, and since they like them very much they assume I feel exactly the same, even though all I might have said was "Yeah, that band/movie/artwork is really good!".

    I also think perhaps it has something to do with HOW I express myself. I'm pretty straightforward and tend to paint complete pictures that include a beginning, middle, and end (resolution). I think perhaps it comes off like it's so resolved and I've made up my mind about it, so it requires no further attention or consideration, if that makes any kind of sense. I am also crap at asking for help or advice since I think so much and people rarely have things to tell me that I haven't thought of already, so I guess I forge some distance myself in that respect.

    When it comes to people latching on to me, I think it might just be that I have a knack for bouncing back what someone has told me in the context of THEIR own point of view, insomuch that they mistake it for being MY point of view. I don't mean to do it, I try to choose words carefully by saying "So it's like you feel ________" or "So for you, it is like ______" but it stills seems to be mistaken for "OMG! You and I are SO ALIKE!!". I am also keenly aware of letting people know I am genuinely interested in what they're saying, that I'm listening and hence I validate them and for some I think this has some kind of narcotic effect, lol. Then they come back for more and more. I've had a lot of bad relationships where I did not exist outside of being a vessel for the other person's self validation and it was not good times.

    I'm still trying to eek out ways to connect with folks better while still being able to exist as a person unto myself, but it's hard as I am so apt to take journeys into the heads of others to see what is there.
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  4. #34
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I've always thought NFJs parcel out information about them in a very controlled manner, so it's really no surprise that they'd be slightly mischaracterized at times. I suppose it is up to you to make sure what is given is an accurate representation of yourself, however people will always make erroneous assumptions or interpret things differently. For example, you may share something because you think it is safe and you have personally resolved it within yourself, however someone may take that as an expression of a wound that still hurts and is something of a sensitive topic. As much as you can control the information you give out, sometimes it's tough to make sure everyone has the same interpretation of said information.



  5. #35
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I identified with tons of what Gloriana said. I think that people are inherently much more interested in themselves and so if they have a certain idea, or if they feel they share more in common with you in a certain aspect, they'll take it and run with it, to the exclusion of asking about the things that may really be important. This is really made worse by the fact that we are curious to know what makes people tick and often have seen enough types and talked to them enough that with some guiding facts we can often figure out a lot of the rest with new people we meet. People mistake it for us having the same perspectives and thought processes. In addition, because we don't usually dismiss people right away even if we disagree with their ideas, people often assume we agree with them. This appears to be because some types are much more quick to state either aloud or in an unspoken way that the person is not welcome to continue or won't be tolerated if they express certain thoughts, values, or preferences. I guess some of it is just some of the negative fallout of some traits we have that are largely positive. However, it would be nice sometimes if people followed up on the things about us that we actually do care about. Perhaps maybe we need to change somewhat how we interact for this to happen, or else reconcile ourselves to it being unlikely!

  6. #36
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    I don't get anything on drinking, but I do apparently give off misconceptions of myself to other people. Like after talking about a recent kickass PS3 game, I'll get someone asking me if I have a PS3. Prompting a short pause and a rather dejected "no."

    So far Batman: Arkham Asylum has been my worst offender in this regard.

  7. #37
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I identified with tons of what Gloriana said. I think that people are inherently much more interested in themselves and so if they have a certain idea, or if they feel they share more in common with you in a certain aspect, they'll take it and run with it, to the exclusion of asking about the things that may really be important. This is really made worse by the fact that we are curious to know what makes people tick and often have seen enough types and talked to them enough that with some guiding facts we can often figure out a lot of the rest with new people we meet. People mistake it for us having the same perspectives and thought processes. In addition, because we don't usually dismiss people right away even if we disagree with their ideas, people often assume we agree with them. This appears to be because some types are much more quick to state either aloud or in an unspoken way that the person is not welcome to continue or won't be tolerated if they express certain thoughts, values, or preferences. I guess some of it is just some of the negative fallout of some traits we have that are largely positive. However, it would be nice sometimes if people followed up on the things about us that we actually do care about. Perhaps maybe we need to change somewhat how we interact for this to happen, or else reconcile ourselves to it being unlikely!
    I agree w/ the bolded!
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  8. #38
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    I'm really not sure about knowing me, and I really don't care if somebody knows a lot about me or not.

    I care more that people understand me. And nobody really does. So, no, I guess you can't know me.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  9. #39
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Yea my INFJ keeps calling me her little manipulative gangster and she will never know that she herself is queen deception .

    I wont even dare to think about that matter any further, cause it just will make me sad
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  10. #40
    loopy Ulaes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    This is because the two share Fe/Ti. When you have the same judgment styles, you tend to have similar values.
    i meant maybe he/she had mistyped someone as intp or didn't wholly understand the situation. i alwasy feel connected with nfjs.

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