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  1. #11
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lightyear View Post
    Ha ha I can so relate to that! I have done a lot of travelling and though I am not a hippy (and don't want to be one) I like the company of alternative, slightly off-the-wall people, for example one of my travels led me to the very free-spirited Burning Man Festival in the Nevada desert, I went there simply because I like these kind of people and the art and the openness of the place. On the other hand I am a strongly believing Christian (the only one in a family of atheists), I don't believe in having sex before marriage, I have never been drunk (which doesn't have that much to do with being religious, I just couldn't be arsed) etc so I must seem quite contradictory to people, one side might accuse me of not really being true to my faith (yes I am) while the other side is astounded when they hear that I have quite a few conservative views.

    But I have no problems with being contradictory, somehow my character and approach to life make sense to me and I guess that the few people who are truly good friends of mine get me.
    Yes, I can relate to a lot of that. I think it is possible to know us quite well but not many people take the time and effort, and it takes both of those. People who know of my seriousness and love of literature are sometimes astonished that I love a good rock concert too...I mean, what's with that? Why is it such a surprise??

  2. #12
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    INFJs keep many things to themselves; they won't even share with their close friends. I think it's the fear of absolute exposure. INFJs hold their passions dearly, and wouldn't want them to be up for others to scrutinize. Also, an INFJ may never speak about themselves unless asked, so a person who rarely inquires will know little to nothing about the INFJ's true thoughts. People assume INFJs are more uptight than they are because they present a "no nonsense" face to the world at large.

    I just let others believe what they want. I find it amusing. As for the BFF title, that does happen to me very often with those that I am friends with, but not that close with. I have very tough criteria for someone being named BFF (or so it seems, since I've rarely called someone that). I can have a lot of fun with a person and speak with them about many subjects, but that doesn't make them my best friend. I can, however, care about them deeply.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Journey's Avatar
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    Believe it or not this used to happen a lot with my sister who was 8 years older than me and thought she knew me like a book. She didn't have a clue. She would say "You like this or that to me," kind of like convincing me that I did. She did this for most of my life and I let her do it because that was who she was to me. (ESFJ) She never did understand me, but finally in her last years began to give me presents that I actually liked. So she grew in knowledge of me towards the end. That is a neat memory. I loved her dearly and understood her inside and out.
    "My Journey is my Destination."

    "Today Counts Forever." R.C. Sproul

  4. #14
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    Oh, yes, I know the feeling very well. People who are supposed to be close to me, well because we've been interacting for years, always tell me that they know exactly how I operate and list the things that: "Oh, you're like this and this and this and you don't do things like this and this and you're like this overall." This always leaves me puzzled because they're so wrong, come on, you're supposed to know me by now.
    My guess is that they honestly believe that the side of me they see is the only side of me whereas I'm always aware of how many different side there are in me. And even if they see my other sides, they think that it's some sort of an abnormality and brush it off very quickly. It's not that I deliberately keep things from other people, I just mostly fail to voice things that seem so obvious to me and I think this is the pitfall people seem to stumble into.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Also, an INFJ may never speak about themselves unless asked, so a person who rarely inquires will know little to nothing about the INFJ's true thoughts. People assume INFJs are more uptight than they are because they present a "no nonsense" face to the world at large.

    I just let others believe what they want. I find it amusing.
    Yes. Speaking about myself unless inquired is a rare occasion. This forum might be an exception but in real life, unless you ask, I won't tell. I actually might talk about myself to prompt other people to talk about themselves but the information I give out is not that conclusive.

    I too let others believe what they want and I'm mostly amused by it but from time to time it gets frustrating because it always seems that I'm the one making more effort to sustain a friendship and care more about them than they do about me.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sky is BLUE! View Post
    Oh, yes, I know the feeling very well. People who are supposed to be close to me, well because we've been interacting for years, always tell me that they know exactly how I operate and list the things that: "Oh, you're like this and this and this and you don't do things like this and this and you're like this overall." This always leaves me puzzled because they're so wrong, come on, you're supposed to know me by now.
    My guess is that they honestly believe that the side of me they see is the only side of me whereas I'm always aware of how many different side there are in me. And even if they see my other sides, they think that it's some sort of an abnormality and brush it off very quickly. It's not that I deliberately keep things from other people, I just mostly fail to voice things that seem so obvious to me and I think this is the pitfall people seem to stumble into.



    Yes. Speaking about myself unless inquired is a rare occasion. This forum might be an exception but in real life, unless you ask, I won't tell. I actually might talk about myself to prompt other people to talk about themselves but the information I give out is not that conclusive.

    I too let others believe what they want and I'm mostly amused by it but from time to time it gets frustrating because it always seems that I'm the one making more effort to sustain a friendship and care more about them than they do about me.


    wanna know something wierd...i could have written that


    i find that part about people thinking they know me but completely misreading me to be more true with Ss

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by thisGuy View Post
    wanna know something wierd...i could have written that

    i find that part about people thinking they know me but completely misreading me to be more true with Ss
    Haha. Great minds And you're right, I had a bunch of S's in mind when I wrote that part but I get that with N's as well.

  7. #17
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    I have a question now about my INFJ professor that goes out of her way to mentor me, inviting me to her office a few times over the summer, etc. (I also had the highest mark in her courses this past year so she respects me for that). She's gone on small story explosions about herself () a few of the many times that I go to talk with her in her office and I know I get more a more candid version of her than almost any other person at university incl. faculty, though she knows a lot more about me than I do about her (which is appropriate for our professor-student relationship).

    She's a typical over-achiever INFJ who is guarded with most, and we have a lot of things in common. I've noticed we occasionally project things into each other in our areas of difference, but the two times I did this to her, she emailed back saying, "you should know me" and that I should know she wouldn't be feeling xyz, and my impression was that she seemed slightly crushed that I can't just completely "get" her.

    Do you think that it's (a) I'm being like these other people in the thread and she's mildly annoyed with me or (b) she and I probably click enough that she is disappointed when there's an area that's lacking understanding.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #18
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    From what I know of you, ma'am, I would choose option B.

  9. #19
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Can anyone know anyone else? Can we know ourselves? What does it mean to know someone?

    Knowledge is a lie about a lie.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #20
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I have a question now about my INFJ professor that goes out of her way to mentor me, inviting me to her office a few times over the summer, etc. (I also had the highest mark in her courses this past year so she respects me for that). She's gone on small story explosions about herself () a few of the many times that I go to talk with her in her office and I know I get more a more candid version of her than almost any other person at university incl. faculty, though she knows a lot more about me than I do about her (which is appropriate for our professor-student relationship).

    She's a typical over-achiever INFJ who is guarded with most, and we have a lot of things in common. I've noticed we occasionally project things into each other in our areas of difference, but the two times I did this to her, she emailed back saying, "you should know me" and that I should know she wouldn't be feeling xyz, and my impression was that she seemed slightly crushed that I can't just completely "get" her.

    Do you think that it's (a) I'm being like these other people in the thread and she's mildly annoyed with me or (b) she and I probably click enough that she is disappointed when there's an area that's lacking understanding.
    Definitely B. She probably felt that you understood her very well, so she was disappointed.

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