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  1. #81
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    I just can't believe she said that out loud. And then adding the "I'm sorry I told you that"? Priceless!
    I know right??? W.T.F.

    That entire dating fiasco was Epic. Fail.

    I cannot tell you how deeply and almost viscerally it bothered me when she said that 'I don't tell everyone everything/Some things I don't tell anyone' etc. etc. etc.

    Right there I should have called it. Time of death: when reality hit.

    That points to one of the reasons I cut off all contact with her. At the end of the day, she made it impossible to build any kind of functional relationship with her, to know her, to have her know me.

    I think at the level of true self and intimacy she was comfortable with we could have functioned as the surly cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and a quiet semi-regular customer.

    Anywhoo, in our hobbled together Fi fiasco, everyday someone was getting hurt or angry or both (usually me), and we could NOT communicate. She was so incredibly hypersensitive she would literally jump in when I was in the middle of telling her something and she would read it as a personal attack and say, "Well that's YOUR fault because etc. etc." FAIL.

    Fi (some unhealthy) squared! What a doozy that was. So intense, so draining. I think she was used to people walking all over her and taking from her emotionally, but as another Fi dom and a "giver" (oh I freaking hate that term) she ended up sucking the life out of me.

    Troubled Fi needs, and needs, and needs like nobody's business and it will never be satisfied.

    BTW, people, if your Fi is THAT hypersensitive about protecting your "core self" you can't be real with others, you should NOT be in a relationship or dating anyone else. It will not work.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  2. #82
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    It's so nice to hear that guys aren't the only ones with intimacy issues.




    I mean...uh...that sucks. (It does suck though, hope she didn't turn you off INFPs because that's some pretty f.cked up behaviour. From what I've heard, anyway. Which is one side of the story. Not that I'm saying you're lying. Ok I'll stop talking now.)

  3. #83
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Now you're calling me a liar!?!?!? How DARE YOU?!??!

    :runs crying, wailing, etc. x2:

    Lololol. Okay I'll stop now.

    Please take into consideration the fact you're in Australia and I am still up talking to you (I'm talking about time difference, not bias).

    Now, everything I've said so far as to what she has actually said and did is true. Of course she has her own side of it. But, personally I think it would be punctuated with her mitigating filter to absolve herself of full responsibility. Because accepting the impact of her actions and how much she hurt me would be too much for her to handle. That is also Fi at work. I think. Or just selfishness and cowardice. Everyone has limits but if you get wrapped up in your own Fi you no longer notice or really care if you hurt other people, you're simply at capacity. You're overwhelmed and you concentrate on yourself. I think you get numb.

    Anywhoo, no, I actually do not hate INFPs or or hold a grudge against the type. I dated an INXP prior and an INFP afterwards and I will most likely, for better or worse, date more INFPs. She was a really extreme case of unhealthy/immature INFP/Fi. I also have INFP friends who I really like. Sharing Fi really does help immensely in understanding the other person or feeling comfortable with them, it can feel like a real *connection* and all the usual criticisms stated about Fi seeming selfish, erratic, cold, etc. (in a healthy Fi dom who can communicate relatively ok) they are not problems in the relationship.

    If you can take the (hyper) sensitivity out of Fi and/or support it well with other functions, it's all gravy. It makes the Fi-dom truly strong, caring and with great integrity. The person is passionate about life and things they care about, not getting passionate as far as being mercurial, moody, throwing tantrums, etc. In a shared healthy Fi/Ne relationship both people can feel freedom and/or ease because you know you are free to fully let both Ne and Fi come out to play, and in that sense, yourselves.

    Oh - and yeah, I take it back, I guess even as another Fi dom I can find a lot of reasons to criticize it! LOL.

    But again, really, I'd love to hear what Fe doms think about it. I know it's been touched on a little bit in some other threads but I want moar!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  4. #84
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Please take into consideration the fact you're in Australia and I am still up talking to you (I'm talking about time difference, not bias).
    Thanks, this forum goes through a boring patch while you lot are all sleeping, and when you all get up again and start posting we're all ready for bed. Most inconvenient!

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Everyone has limits but if you get wrapped up in your own Fi you no longer notice or really care if you hurt other people, you're simply at capacity. You're overwhelmed and you concentrate on yourself. I think you get numb.
    Yeah I really hear you on that, and I've tried to explain that to Fe-users irl but they don't really get it (though maybe the fact they were Fe users was unrelated, dunno). It's like you've just stumbled out of the smoking rubble of the Twin Towers on Sept 11, and staggered home only to have your housemate get pissed off at you for not getting any milk while you were out. Okay that's an extreme exaggeration, but similar principle. You just don't care. You can't, almost. In another time and place you probably would.

  5. #85
    Senior Member Snow Turtle's Avatar
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    I barely interact with FP users but from memory. My only problem is when Fi decides to stomp it's foot down on an issue without further exploration. Where I then recoil because it seems like a bad idea to go forward, uncertain of what would happen if I were to push arguments ahead.

    Fi's alright. I've got no problem as long as it roughly correlates with my own values. Thankfully since Fi is a feeling function, more people are concerned about minding their own business, being generally considerate so no major clashes.

  6. #86
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Necessary Disclaimer: If anything mentioned here makes you feel bad, I clearly didn't mean it, nor will it necessarily apply to you personally. Anything I say is purely based on experience, thoughts on my experiences, and some plausible explanations using Typology theory. None of the following is a judgment on your existence. Have a wonderful day!

    The person with Fi as their primary decision making function can, at their worst, be able to justify any type of behavior as long as they are being "true to oneself." The classic "Whateva, I do what I want" mentality that can lead them into trouble, ostracism, and eventually can put them into a reality that really does not exist outside of their own perspective. This is how they can lose friends, justify losing said friends, and generally distancing themselves from others.

    Some can have a sensitivity to criticism that can discourage real honesty, in favor of preserving inner harmony instead. I have known one in particular that will not take the blame or responsibility for any of her actions simply because that realization of personal fault would damage her self esteem and damage her ability to justify her behavior.

    Also, when I was in the Natural Helpers program at school [sort of like a peer mediation group], upon looking back at the types that comprised a majority of the Fi users, their biggest obstacle toward being an effective listener and mediator was a tendency to reframe others' problems as analogous to their own, which resulted in the person with problems feeling like they weren't being listened to [whereas my problem was typically not caring enough and trying to solve everybody's problems. They had a tough time with me because I was the only NTP in the group].

    All I can really think of right now.



  7. #87
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Scott N Denver - First I don't know if I'm up for having that many babies...
    Dont worry, I was joking. I forgot specifically which one but there was some sort of NF appreciation thread where a poster said "I want to make babies with all of you", which is what I was thinking of when I wrote my quick line about that.

  8. #88
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    Dont worry, I was joking. I forgot specifically which one but there was some sort of NF appreciation thread where a poster said "I want to make babies with all of you", which is what I was thinking of when I wrote my quick line about that.
    That sounds like teh Pink. She's always getting e-impregnated by random forum happenings. The maternal instinct is strong with that one.

  9. #89
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    I get along with FP's, but I do have issues with the unhealthy side of Fi, where one makes decisions based on a bias that may be correct, but is not always well thought out. Other sides that bother me is the enjoyment in the destruction of enemies. I knew an IXTJ with a huge amount of Fi who laughed at the prospect of an officer that had arrested him dying a few days later in a gun fight, while I thought, "Someone's lost their husband, father, or brother. How is that funny?"

    I suppose Fe is flawed too; like the part that enables one to go so far for people that they forget to take care of themselves.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  10. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    So, for example, if you were thinking about something, you wouldn't find it as needful to have another person to bounce ideas off of to clarify or ignite your own thoughts?
    No, at least not the same way that my INFJ has to talk his major decisions out, even working on the car, he has to talk to me about each and every step to help get it all straight in his mind.

    At the time he's sharing, he often will say that he's not sure yet how he is feeling or thinking about the issue. There have been times I know how he will feel or react to a situation before he does.

    For me, I tend to introspect deeply when I have a problem or a important decision to make. Then when I am very clear on how I feel/think about it, then I'll share with a very trusted person.

    Would they want someone to come around if they were sick or feeling down or would they prefer their own space at that time?
    I'd only want an initmate around. Anyone else I would find draining.

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