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  1. #71
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I totally agree with your first paragraph. Faking it till you make it works for small things, but not for a real issue that needs to be worked out.
    Yeah actually it always annoyed me a bit how often "fake it til you make it" works. It's pretty anti-INFP I guess.

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    What kind of intervention do you suggest in the second paragraph?
    Maybe I'm being lazy, but I really don't think there's one right way to do it, though there are definitely many wrong ways. Sometimes INFPs (ie me) will respond well to one way at one time and at another time won't. There are probably a lot of variables between one time and another which I'm not taking into account. I don't think any expression of concern will cause offence so long as it is sincere and not motivated out of disdain or dismissal of whatever issues are making the person blue.

    Actually, you'd probably find than a probing email asking what's wrong could be your best bet. That way the person has time in privacy to organize their thoughts and thus give you an honest answer. Less chance that you'd get an answer of "I'm ok", especially if it's a guy. If they don't reply and you're worried then a follow-up visit with that kind of preface would be more likely to open them up than a follow-up visit without it. At least they've had a chance to think about how they would respond to your question (ie what's bothering them), even if they didn't actually respond.

    Meh, to be honest I don't know. I've thought about it. Sometimes a kick in the ass may actually be the best thing. This kind of question might be best asked of the people who have successfully dealt with INFPs on a regular basis - people married to them or friends with them etc.

    Plus, I've hogged this thread enough.

    Edit: Ladypinkington is married to an outstanding INFP if I remember rightly. She could probably give you some useful practical tips.

  2. #72
    Senior Member bluebell's Avatar
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    I've worked with a few IXFPs (one INFP, a few ISFPs). Once I've mentally mapped their core values, their reactions tend to be fairly predictable and I know what to avoid saying. And then I find it easy to get on with them/work with them.

    At work, they also tend to be the people I ask for help when I'm confused by other people's behaviour or don't know how to respond to a particular person/situation. Learnt a lot so far from each of them.
    ...so much smoke pouring out of each chromosome.

  3. #73
    Senior Member SurlyAdam's Avatar
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    Fi is very personal. You take everything you've read and all you've experience in life and use that information to make a decision based on how you feel, and what makes sense to you. It's SO personal that no one could possibly understand the depths of it or the reasoning behind it. I think this is why those strongly influenced by Fi can feel, and often are, misunderstood. Views and drives are not based on logic or societal norms, but rather on what makes sense and feels right for them alone. It is truly individualistic. The aloofness comes from learning that no one else sees the world the same way and very few will appreciate or understand their views.

    I don't really get standoffish because I know who I am and don't worry about what others expect of me any longer. In the past, however, I would withdraw and choose not do deal with the stress of being misunderstood or questioned.

  4. #74
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    From one Fi user to another - I've dated enough INFPs to know how damneable unsupported Fi can be. Many unecessary fights and stonewalling due to mis or non communication because someone's Fi was getting tripped.

    Here's the thing - Fi alone is not what causes the snags Lurker referred to - it's the person's inability or unwillingness to clearly explain what is going on. I think that's caused by two main things and the silent third:

    1) The person themselves doesn't understand what's going
    2) They do not feel comfortable sharing this information with you because it makes them feel extremely vulnerable and they do not trust you enough.
    3) You should already know "if you care about them"

    I know how hyper insecure and threatened about certain feelings, responses you can get if you are an Fi dom. That's also why I don't let other Fi users off the hook when they fail at clear communication especially after I go beyond and above trying to understand them and reach them. If you still can't explain to me clearly or hear what I'm saying then it's time for - NEXT!

    I had an INFP I dated tell me "there are some things you are not meant to understand [about me] it's for me to understand and not you" and "I don't like telling people everything, there are some things you will never know about me, I'm sorry I told you that".

    Three guesses to figure out how that scenario played out! EPIC FAIL on her part, no wonder why she has consistently horrible relationships and I have absolutely no sympathy for her. Yeah, I'm a bastard for saying it, AND IT'S TRUE. OMG, thinking about her and her nutty overly emotional hypersensitive horrifically miscommunicating irresponsible selfish self-absorbed ways sets me off still.

    :breathe:

    BTW, you can call that "Fi gone wrong" (waaaaaaaaaay wrong) ^^

    Sorry, continue!
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  5. #75
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    "I don't like telling people everything, there are some things you will never know about me, I'm sorry I told you that".

  6. #76
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Thanks for laughing at my pain JJJ!

    I hate you!!

    :wails shrilly and runs sobbing big gushy harlequin-esque tears:

    Man, where do we Fi-doms find the energy???

    LOL. You know I kid, I kid.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  7. #77
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Thanks for laughing at my pain JJJ!

    I hate you!!

    :wails shrilly and runs sobbing big gushy harlequin-esque tears:

    Man, where do we Fi-doms find the energy???

    LOL. You know I kid, I kid.
    I just can't believe she said that out loud. And then adding the "I'm sorry I told you that"? Priceless!

  8. #78

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    I'm prone to intentional slips esp. online/in writing.

    Tis what secret blogs are for,

  9. #79
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    What are they?
    Freudian slips. :P I am the master of them.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  10. #80

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    those times you allow the Fi droplets to fall. or just that one drop. because you feel that you have to. that you need to. because if you don't you're probably going to explode. no, implode.

    (intentional slip)

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