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  1. #11
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Outwardly they seem easier going than me and much more willing to live and let live. However, I'm never sure when I'm suddenly going to run into a brick wall or when the pointy quills will come out.

    As students, I don't know how you can harness all that great potential for actual accomplishment. It seems only at the moment they decide it's important will that happen, which doesn't often coincide with deadlines during the school year or at important moments when they need to be present in their thoughts. Maybe that's more INFP than ENFP, but I think even ENFPs are affected by this, though it is expressed differently than by daydreaming.

  2. #12
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I've found with the Fi types I know that they are outwardly warmer and more demonstrative than me, yet inwardly more distant.
    I happen to know that I appear cold and uncaring, "bad attitude" on the outside until people get to know me, if they take the time to get to know me and if I am willing to let them into my inner circle. It's very, very hard for me to extrovert emotion when I do not know people well. People think I am cold, aloof, pissed off, etc. (Conversely when I am mad and say so, they don't believe me!)

    It's the same for my ISFP friend. People think she's "pissed off" when she's just mellow.

  3. #13
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I've found with the Fi types I know that they are outwardly warmer and more demonstrative than me, yet inwardly more distant. I appear more reserved on the outside, but am quite warm on the inside towards other people. Is that an accurate assessment? I understand that people cannot show what matters to them indiscriminately, but even to the ones I am close to I feel held at arm's length.
    Bolded: I don't really think so. With my friends I'm afraid of distance in any way, when I get to know someone I want to show them my inner world, to get them to get in sync with my feelings. Inwardly distant?

    As discussed in the INFJ thread, I also find that Fi types are less likely to state openly what is going on with them (whether the factors are external or internal) and yet will stick around and let their moods be felt in a prickly kind of a way.
    Well, that's just one of those things... I usually don't.

    I sometimes find them a little hot and cold with friends. Like lots of pursuing for awhile, then suddenly nothing. It feels fickle, although I don't think it is intended or experienced in that way by them.
    Perhaps this could be after the Fi type is done showing their world and getting in sync with the person mentally then things slow down. Then after that... well... you just do normal friendship things. That might be why you see the suddenly nothing thing. But for me personally I constantly try to stay close to my friends and the people I've talked to in that manner.

    The being true to themselves sometimes trumps doing what is needed in a friendship. I don't think people should be hypocritical, but I also don't understand why they can't temporarily make adjustments as long as it isn't a constant thing.
    What kind of adjustments?
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #14
    Senior Member Xellotath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I've found with the Fi types I know that they are outwardly warmer and more demonstrative than me, yet inwardly more distant. I appear more reserved on the outside, but am quite warm on the inside towards other people. Is that an accurate assessment? I understand that people cannot show what matters to them indiscriminately, but even to the ones I am close to I feel held at arm's length.

    As discussed in the INFJ thread, I also find that Fi types are less likely to state openly what is going on with them (whether the factors are external or internal) and yet will stick around and let their moods be felt in a prickly kind of a way.

    I sometimes find them a little hot and cold with friends. Like lots of pursuing for awhile, then suddenly nothing. It feels fickle, although I don't think it is intended or experienced in that way by them.

    Sometimes they choose hills to die on that aren't strategically advantageous and want to do battle at inappropriate times, when they'd be better served doing it privately.

    The being true to themselves sometimes trumps doing what is needed in a friendship. I don't think people should be hypocritical, but I also don't understand why they can't temporarily make adjustments as long as it isn't a constant thing.

    I may be mistaken in my understanding of Fi, but these are some of the places where I perceive our differences to be.
    Excellent post.
    I have received each and one of those criticisms from an INFJ I fell deeply in love with.
    Alas, I have no remedy for this. From experience, I can tell you that going against my own Fi has been and still is one of the most daunting personal projects I've ever engaged in. There's good reason for this.. Fi and Fe are entire systems of feeling. They both feel grief, joy, release, despair, sorrow, hatred, unity, serenity and the entire complex spectrum of human emotions.. in different ways.
    In the case of ENFPs...Tertiary Te is a gift from God, because through it, they can grow a -little- closer to Fe by objectively classifying the situation and relying less on Fi to make all the judgment calls in a relationship or a friendship.

  5. #15
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    I sometimes find them a little hot and cold with friends. Like lots of pursuing for awhile, then suddenly nothing. It feels fickle, although I don't think it is intended or experienced in that way by them.
    If I don't have a "real" relationship with you [where I open up to you on a regular basis and can be completely myself], I'm more likely to get distracted and disappear for awhile. At the same time, I like people to come to me once in awhile. Sometimes I distance myself on purpose to see if they will come to me, if I'm always the one initiating.

    As discussed in the INFJ thread, I also find that Fi types are less likely to state openly what is going on with them (whether the factors are external or internal) and yet will stick around and let their moods be felt in a prickly kind of a way.
    Agreed, unless I NEED to vent about it and then you will hear about it. This also links in with the wanting people to come to me thing, though: I want you to ask how I'm doing if you notice that I'm upset.

    Outwardly they seem easier going than me and much more willing to live and let live. However, I'm never sure when I'm suddenly going to run into a brick wall or when the pointy quills will come out.
    This happens when you step on a value, however small. We react harshly because we assume that you should /know/ that whatever you did is offensive. We assume that because it is obvious to us, it should be obvious to you. Just ask the person to be more often when you unintentionally offend them.

    Well, my issues with them are likely because we are too alike in that "draw a line in the sand" type of mentality. So, if we are on the same side of an issue,. then we can turn this mutha out, but if we are on opposite sides, then we will turn on each other with equal fury, because neither of us is going to back down.
    If you will never reach agreement, don't argue about it. It seems pointless, in my opinion.

    The being true to themselves sometimes trumps doing what is needed in a friendship. I don't think people should be hypocritical, but I also don't understand why they can't temporarily make adjustments as long as it isn't a constant thing.
    Personal values > friendships. I compromise for little stuff, of course, but if big issues need to be compromised, I won't. If I do, I will be completely dissatisfied.

    I happen to know that I appear cold and uncaring, "bad attitude" on the outside until people get to know me, if they take the time to get to know me and if I am willing to let them into my inner circle. It's very, very hard for me to extrovert emotion when I do not know people well. People think I am cold, aloof, pissed off, etc. (Conversely when I am mad and say so, they don't believe me!)
    Ahh! People always misinterpret my emotions. If I'm mad, they comment about how happy I seem that day. If I'm happy, they ask me if something is wrong. I guess I'm abnormally hard to read.

    As students, I don't know how you can harness all that great potential for actual accomplishment. It seems only at the moment they decide it's important will that happen, which doesn't often coincide with deadlines during the school year or at important moments when they need to be present in their thoughts.
    Haha, I get this. ^___^ I always get driven during the summertime. I guess it is the contrast between moving towards an ideal, and the mundane reality that you face to actually accomplish that ideal.

    I'd say that Fi folks could work on being more open with people and not having such impossible expectations.

  6. #16
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I happen to know that I appear cold and uncaring, "bad attitude" on the outside until people get to know me, if they take the time to get to know me and if I am willing to let them into my inner circle. It's very, very hard for me to extrovert emotion when I do not know people well. People think I am cold, aloof, pissed off, etc. (Conversely when I am mad and say so, they don't believe me!)


    I feel more deeply than I show also. I'm not very demonstrative. I've never been described as "warm".
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #17
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    How awesome we are and that there are not enough of us!

  8. #18
    it's tea time! Walking Tourist's Avatar
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    I can't do cold or aloof at all. I am far too expressive to succeed at cold and aloof. The only time that I can hide my feelings is when I'm playing board games and I want to not share anything about my game with my opponent.
    Other than that, my feelings are very easy to read. Plus, I'll probably tell you all about them...
    I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my spout. Every time I steam up, I give a shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.

  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    How awesome we are and that there are not enough of us!

    haha....the most love INFPs get is from other INFPs
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #20
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Fi has the strongest and most universal personal values. Often the highest and most truly compassionate individuals come from amongst our ranks. We also have great sight into others, at least in certain ways.

    I think we get into trouble or people have problems with us when they can't pin down our Fi or when we don't meet/follow their expectations. Those that take the time to understand ur and to understand our Fi tend to be few, are often fellow NF's or are at least F's. I think we can be VERY strong individuals when we can start from one of our fundamental values and then Te or TJ from there. I think we can outdo TJ's in this regard when we can take stronger F positions than they and then manifest them into reality. Perhaps we have more moral courage to say "Hey, this is how things should be. I will make them this way."

    IME Fi's aren't unreasonable but you may not need to spend time to understand them or meet them in the middle, or at least make your positions known. Once having done so IME we tend to be very helpful and assistive.

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