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  1. #11
    almost nekkid scantilyclad's Avatar
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    i did this in high school a lot, but i don't do this anymore, but i also haven't been single in a long time.
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    The pain won't let me get away.

  2. #12
    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by scantilyclad View Post
    i also haven't been single in a long time.
    lucky you

  3. #13
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    Yeah, I've experienced this type of thing many times. In this case my imagination has always worked against me. I imagine that people hate me or that they are in love with me, when in reality, they're probably not even thinking much about me at all. I never seem to relate to people normally in my head, and always have to "come back down to earth" and remind myself of what's actually going on, because if I don't, I can accidentally offend or surprise people with my arrogance or jumping to conclusions, etc.

    I think it's also because I am always thinking in metaphors and symbols, and the slightest things that mean nothing to others mean things to me, so a lot of times I pick up cues from others that they probably didn't even intend to give.

    Actually, it's something I hate about myself. I never feel balanced in that way, and I feel too self-absorbed. It's like there's always some sort of crazy story going on in my head and I have to work so hard to make my brain correspond with reality. :/ Actually, I feel embarrassed admitting this right now. The only way I console myself about my wild and ridiculous imagination is by planning to write a really good novel one day. Haha.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

  4. #14
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Hmm, I concur. hahaha
    But yeah, confidence is a major factor for me because a lot of the chicks (in Feminist language "bright young ladies") I feel this way about I can never approach and talk to on a serious level. Hell, most of 'em I can't even talk to on a non serious level, bahah. But the whole lovesickness issue becomes even WORSE when I begin a truly friendly relationship with the girl (which consists of me truly coming out of my shell and being the extremely dorky and totally funneh/charming guy I can be) because then I REALLY begin to like the girl and I begin to fear that she doesn't feel the same way/I begin to fantasize that she DOES feel the same way.
    Part of the 'liking her more when you open up to her' is that you can be yourself around her. That is special, thus, that makes the girl appear special.

    Think about this: if the girl likes you, she will like you whether you think about it or not. Hopefully, it will be clear. You do not need to overanalyze everything. I do this too, and really it is pointless. I'm surprised how much EASIER relationships are when you go with the flow, instead of trying to process what's happening every step of the way.

    As for communicating with us "bright young ladies," don't overanalyze that either. It is not WHAT you say it is HOW you present yourself. If someone says something with confidence, it will be much more likely to be accepted. Most people do not expect a highly articulate, brilliant conversation. Just talk naturally about whatever pops into your head! You said that you are a funneh/charming guy. Think of it this way: you are depriving these girls of the awesome person that is you by keeping yourself inside!

    And what if you are rejected? It is not YOU. It is THEM. If the girl doesn't like charming/funneh guys, that is her problem!

  5. #15
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    It could be the slightest thing; a simple handwave from afar and I'll immediately become lovesick for almost no reason.
    Hm, no, I haven't gotten infatuations from afar since HS, and usually that was just based on physical attraction, not attention received. Generally, I am not attracted to most guys who give me attention, and a mere hand wave is really not going to flatter me into any obsession.

    I do, however, fall susceptible to "limerence" and get a bit fixated on an unavailable individual for awhile, sometimes years. It involves a lot more interaction or knowledge of the person than just a brief encounter, but also enough distance to prevent a real relationship from forming. I basically idealize the person into my perfect image of a partner, which makes them hard to get over, since the distance doesn't allow for a direct rejection or burst bubble, and so the fantasy lives on in my head. I think I do it because 1) it's safe (no risk with someone unavailable), 2) it's a distraction from other issues in my life, and 3) I'm picky, and it's rare that I click with someone and am physically attracted to him, so I tend to latch on mentally when it happens.

    And yeah, that's sort of embarrassing to admit
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  6. #16
    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Hm, no, I haven't gotten infatuations from afar since HS, and usually that was just based on physical attraction, not attention received. Generally, I am not attracted to most guys who give me attention, and a mere hand wave is really not going to flatter me into any obsession.

    I do, however, fall susceptible to "limerence" and get a bit fixated on an unavailable individual for awhile, sometimes years. It involves a lot more interaction or knowledge of the person than just a brief encounter, but also enough distance to prevent a real relationship from forming. I basically idealize the person into my perfect image of a partner, which makes them hard to get over, since the distance doesn't allow for a direct rejection or burst bubble, and so the fantasy lives on in my head. I think I do it because 1) it's safe (no risk with someone unavailable), 2) it's a distraction from other issues in my life, and 3) I'm picky, and it's rare that I click with someone and am physically attracted to him, so I tend to latch on mentally when it happens.

    And yeah, that's sort of embarrassing to admit
    YES, THANK YOU. LIMERENCE was the word I was looking for. I had read an article about it on wikipedia (lawl) a while back and completely related to what it was describing. Then I forgot about it, hahah. But yeah thats it right there lol.

    Oh and btw, for future reference, I am in HS. lawl

  7. #17
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jewelchild View Post
    Yeah, I've experienced this type of thing many times. In this case my imagination has always worked against me. I imagine that people hate me or that they are in love with me, when in reality, they're probably not even thinking much about me at all. I never seem to relate to people normally in my head, and always have to "come back down to earth" and remind myself of what's actually going on, because if I don't, I can accidentally offend or surprise people with my arrogance or jumping to conclusions, etc.

    I think it's also because I am always thinking in metaphors and symbols, and the slightest things that mean nothing to others mean things to me, so a lot of times I pick up cues from others that they probably didn't even intend to give.

    Actually, it's something I hate about myself. I never feel balanced in that way, and I feel too self-absorbed. It's like there's always some sort of crazy story going on in my head and I have to work so hard to make my brain correspond with reality. :/ Actually, I feel embarrassed admitting this right now. The only way I console myself about my wild and ridiculous imagination is by planning to write a really good novel one day. Haha.


    My imagination runs wild too.... I don't imagine anyone is in love with me (I do imagine they dislike me), but I tend to read into things a bit too much and then create some entire story in my head.

    I've told myself that just because a guy asks for my number or shows some interest doesn't mean he is going to call or that his interest is any more than a brief flirtation at the moment. On the other hand, that can make me overly suspicious and closed-off to new people... And in a total contradiction of what I just said, I can also miss obvious clues and convince myself that a perceived attraction is all in my head when really the person does like me.

    It's so complicated being an INFP
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #18
    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    It's so complicated being an INFP
    word.

  9. #19
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    Oh and btw, for future reference, I am in HS. lawl
    Oh, well, those kinds of crushes are pretty normal in HS. You'll probably find your imagination getting pickier with its subjects as you age , but you might fall even harder when you do find a worthy one, because the fantasy will have more basis in reality.

    When I learn the trick of meeting someone realistically available that I like, then I will let you in on it
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I've told myself that just because a guy asks for my number or shows some interest doesn't mean he is going to call or that his interest is any more than a brief flirtation at the moment. On the other hand, that can make me overly suspicious and closed-off to new people... And in a total contradiction of what I just said, I can also miss obvious clues and convince myself that a perceived attraction is all in my head when really the person does like me.
    Yes. I think it's very hard to find a balance in the middle and not swing too far one way or the other in terms of perceptions and expectations.
    I-71%, N-80%, F-74%, P-96%

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