User Tag List

First 345

Results 41 to 50 of 50

  1. #41
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I think it comes down to them having a tendency to see "events" from a completely individual and separate standpoint, when referenced to other events. Each situations requires, and deserves, a unique moral interpretation and contemplation for the outcome to be "fair." I don't think INFJs do black and white, it's more shades of the entire color spectrum.
    Correct. I don't see how every situation could possibly be the same, so therefore each deserves an individual interpretation. After all, Ni is a perceiving function.

  2. #42
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    King of Despair - I think the reason for subject change is that they do not feel that they are on solid footing to comment and need more time to think and they also feel it would create unnecessary conflict when they can't yet agree and yet do not feel comfortable disagreeing because they are reevaluating the facts and their feelings on the issue. I never thought about saying it straight out though. I'll keep that in mind.

  3. #43
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    Mondo - I believe that INFJs vary on this one. There are some subtypes which are faily different from each other. I am probably on the conservative/people helping/changing end of that spectrum and I can see how I could be interpreted that way, although I am not very outspoken about it. Especially if their focus of interest is on ethical/moral circumstances, they would be likely to change at least their framework for deciding what's good or bad. However, I am likely to adhere to a certain set of guiding principles unswervingly. How that translates into individual situations is influenced very much by the circumstances. Even if we didn't express what we thought, we'd still be thinking it and it would still bother you that we thought it.

  4. #44
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    Econima - You are right. We should learn to be more straightforward, especially when dealing with certain types. I am learning to both receive and send communication a little differently when dealing with NTs and not worry so much about subtext and accommodation.

    However, I don't think that the issue is dishonesty. Sometimes they overestimate how much they personally can get done or where they should draw that line so they don't feel resentful in retrospect. Regarding your example of you offering to meet your boss in another city, they just really didn't want to put you to the trouble of it and felt that they at least know how much inconvenience they can deal with, while they are less sure of how much someone else can happily deal with. If they are sure it's actually something you want to do, they could let it go though.

    You also said something about INFJs being too nice for their own good. First, they are only "nice" in a generic way as a polite outside way of dealing with people. If you get to know them better, they are quite opinionated and do realize when they are being taken advantage of. However, because they tend to look from the other person's point of view, they also can feel tolerant of others for longer and if others may feel they are being taken advantage of, they usually recognize that and have decided to allow it because they feel the benefits outweigh the problems.

    I've found for myself that I need to take more time before agreeing to things because I tend to take on more than I can get done in that time limit and I want to be someone whose word can be trusted.

    I also need to take more time before agreeing to things so that I don't think it over a few days later and think, "Heeeyyy...wait a minute! That wasn't right!" Most things take more processing time for me before I arrive at a solid conclusion.

    I have also realized that I need to evaluate the person making a request/complaint etc before taking it to heart and working on it to see, is this reasonable and am I the person they should be talking to about this?

  5. #45
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    230

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    King of Despair - I think the reason for subject change is that they do not feel that they are on solid footing to comment and need more time to think and they also feel it would create unnecessary conflict when they can't yet agree and yet do not feel comfortable disagreeing because they are reevaluating the facts and their feelings on the issue. I never thought about saying it straight out though. I'll keep that in mind.
    You might also want to factor in boredom there.

  6. #46
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,054

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Econima - You are right. We should learn to be more straightforward, especially when dealing with certain types. I am learning to both receive and send communication a little differently when dealing with NTs and not worry so much about subtext and accommodation.


    However, I don't think that the issue is dishonesty.
    I'm not saying these INFJs set out to be dishonest, but nevertheless I have seen dishonesty (sins of commission as well as of glaring omission) result on occasions when diplomacy just isn't enough to bridge the gap between someone else's perceived need and the INFJ's contrary opinion or personal preference.

    Sometimes they overestimate how much they personally can get done or where they should draw that line so they don't feel resentful in retrospect. Regarding your example of you offering to meet your boss in another city, they just really didn't want to put you up
    What do you mean, put me up?

    and felt that they at least know how much inconvenience they can deal with, while they are less sure of how much someone else can happily deal with. If they are sure it's actually something you want to do, they could let it go though.
    That's the thing though! Please don't take responsibility for my well-being; I'm perfectly capable of looking out for my own interests (and then some! ). If I offer to inconvenience myself, it's because I am willing to do so on the terms I state and never because I am fishing for a counter-offer or for some other unmentioned courtesy that you go looking for between the lines. You can take my words at face value. Really!

    You also said something about INFJs being too nice for their own good. First, they are only "nice" in a generic way as a polite outside way of dealing with people. If you get to know them better, they are quite opinionated and do realize when they are being taken advantage of. However, because they tend to look from the other person's point of view, they also can feel tolerant of others for longer and if others may feel they are being taken advantage of, they usually recognize that and have decided to allow it because they feel the benefits outweigh the problems.
    For the record I know several INFJs very well and I know just what you mean by not really being as nice on the inside as they seem on the outside. However, with the term 'nice', just as with the term 'dishonest', I am referring to effective behavior rather than emotions/intent. I have yet to meet an INFJ I would characterize as either unscrupulous or saintly and yet I've seen INFJs be both dishonest and too nice for their own good (so that the benefits do in fact not outweigh the problems).

    None of this need apply to all INFJs; in fact I am quite sure it does not.

  7. #47
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    Thank you. Sorry about the put you up thing - that's what comes of rewriting bits and pieces and then not proofing before posting. I fixed it on the post. I just meant put you to any trouble.

    You are right about omission - I have a bad tendancy in that way when I feel like we can't find any common ground. It doesn't work well and I think it can also cause real problems in a relationship. There is a fear of being rejected for something I like, am interested in, I've done, I wish I could do, something I think etc and so I have a tendancy to hide it. When I was younger I was going out to BC for a wedding. Two people went along with me, including a guy that I felt attraction for, but whom I knew was a poor bet with whom I could not successfully have a relationship. (much older, alcohol dependency, uncertain future, difficult past involving quitting school and leaving home at 15, lots of childhood baggage, two divorces and several long term live in relationships, custody battles over his only child). I was soon leaving the city he was in, which was good timing, but I wanted to spend time with him before I left. We were crossing into some hazy friendship/dating territory where we weren't fooling around, but also would have felt weird about going on dates with anyone else because of the time we were spending together. I realized my mother, who is very insightful, would have (justified) qualms about me spending that much time together during the trip and alone in the car on the way back, even though nothing untoward did happen. However, I did end up staying at his mother's and grandmother's houses (kind of a girlfriendy thing to do) while I was away. I finally felt so guilty about it that I told her a year later and was surprised at how big it had seemed before telling, and how much less important and horrible after. These problems of omission are not only untruthful, but I think could lead to more serious secrets that could tear a relationship apart entirely.

    As far as inconveniencing others, I think that we have to remember that all types do not feel like us. Therefore, we can trust that most T types will straight out tell us what works best and without worry that they are just being polite. I think it's the hypersensitivity to other's feelings that makes me experience much more discomfort when others feel uncomfortable than when I myself. With the latter, I have control over what I do with my feelings. With the former I can't control what they do with theirs. I extrapolate to a point where others aren't actually feeling nearly as put out, or unhappy as I might believe them to be.

    Yes, I see what you mean in the last paragraph. Nice to the point where it is really not serving our ultimate purpose or ourselves well and is frustrating others, not nice in a naive, unaware way. Yes?

  8. #48
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    Anyone else with a gripe? Bring 'em on!

  9. #49
    Dhampyr Economica's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    2,054

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    Yes, I see what you mean in the last paragraph. Nice to the point where it is really not serving our ultimate purpose or ourselves well and is frustrating others, not nice in a naive, unaware way. Yes?
    Yes.

  10. #50
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    Gotcha. Continue on please if you have anything else.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] How to properly communicate with the other types?
    By Obsidius in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 11-03-2016, 05:13 PM
  2. [sp] Sp/So: experiences with other types
    By decrescendo in forum Instinctual Subtypes
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-26-2014, 04:29 PM
  3. How do you generally get along with other types?
    By Lottie in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 03-17-2012, 01:10 PM
  4. [MBTItm] INFJs butt heads with which type?
    By felt up in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 58
    Last Post: 12-19-2008, 02:59 AM
  5. [ENFP] ENFP's with other types
    By sketcheasy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 33
    Last Post: 08-23-2008, 11:52 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO