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  1. #11
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    I've discussed these issues on the forum before, and I think my main problem is that my intentions are very much so for everyone else, which can be easily confused with some sort of selfish agenda. I've always believed the world could use a little less conflict, so unless I know the person that has hurt me quite well (family, close friends), I won't express my dissatisfaction. I've always felt uncomfortable with bluntly expressing what I want/need because I a) consider myself a self-sufficient person, and b) feel as if I'm putting others at a disadvantage for my own needs, which is what I am completely against doing.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

  2. #12
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Other types! Anything you could tell me would be useful. I am interested for several reasons, but one is that I am a teacher and have to interact with a wide variety of types every day. Help me out!!!

  3. #13
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    My issues with INFJs generally branch from the fact that you guys seem to have this very fine tuned system of the the world (as you see it) works. Anything outside of this is foreign or strange, and generally not understood. As a result with a lot of INFJ interactions it seems like the most obvious stuff is being missed, like cues and such. The things that you miss seem to be outside of this system of understanding within you.

    This just seems to lead to a lot of annoying moments and totally missed points, and thus misunderstanding. If this is taken to the next level of bad, INFJs I've encountered on the net and IRL just simply won't accept anyone else's points of views because they don't make sense to them and how it fits into their system of how the universe works.

    I'd say work on those issues if you want to get over the pitfalls. I don't understand how it's so difficult to accept that things are different than what you perceive...
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #14
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    ^Elaborate? Examples?

  5. #15
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Only met a few INFJs, also have a sneaking suspicion my childhood best friend was an INFJ, and obviously conversationally we did well.

    My more recent confrontations have all been in groups, so I never really notice any problems, since if there's something wrong there's always somebody else to pick up the slack. If I ever got one 1v1, any pitfall there would most likely be my fault, since I'm terribly one on one conversationally.



  6. #16
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think it comes, Blackcat, from the way we work at acquiring knowledge and understanding the world. We tend to pick a chunk of stuff we want to know about, then hone in for fine detail and learn everything we can. There's a whole framework there and huge amount of detail filled in. If new information comes to light that doesn't fit, we are not convinced at first that you have put as much thought into that little chunk as us and also it requires reorganizing everything, so we won't do it unless we're sure it's warranted. I think other people go for a more general understanding of a wider amount of topics first and so are more flexible about amending them. I was surprised to find out at first that some people just like expressing an opinion as their own to see how others will react or if anything sticks from what they throw out there.

    I am pretty open to people thinking what they like, but as far as me accepting those things myself or trying them, most things work on a delayed reaction after considerable thought and for most S types, I've found that's too late. We need lots of discussion before we feel okay about it.

    One thing I have to develop is being more open to new ideas and not dismissing them too quickly, particularly in areas that I care a lot about.

    Can you be more specific re: missed cues, annoying moments etc? Thanks a million!

  7. #17
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    Well that was more of a rant than anything, being frustrated by a few INFJs I've attempted to help and some that I've gotten to know and have spoken to. It just seems like when I have a discussion about a common topic sometimes they are so closed into their own points of view that it seems unreal to me. The INFJs that I've been frustrated with have been pretty bad examples though IMO.

    Yep, not saying that it's universal, just try to not be too insane and be more open minded to new ideas. Those are the only REAL issues I've seen. With my best friend (INFJ) I've never had these issues, he's been open to the new possibilities on the issues he's delved into (sort of slowly though, as you're explaining it takes reorganizing).

    What pitfalls have you experienced specifically with communication? As in, what was your reason behind creating this thread? What sparked the idea?
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  8. #18
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Well that was more of a rant than anything, being frustrated by a few INFJs I've attempted to help and some that I've gotten to know and have spoken to. It just seems like when I have a discussion about a common topic sometimes they are so closed into their own points of view that it seems unreal to me. The INFJs that I've been frustrated with have been pretty bad examples though IMO.

    Yep, not saying that it's universal, just try to not be too insane and be more open minded to new ideas.
    What seems like closed to you is "Thinking about this but will not accept it until I have made sure it is, in fact, correct" in the mind of the INFJ.

  9. #19
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I think it comes, Blackcat, from the way we work at acquiring knowledge and understanding the world. We tend to pick a chunk of stuff we want to know about, then hone in for fine detail and learn everything we can. There's a whole framework there and huge amount of detail filled in. If new information comes to light that doesn't fit, we are not convinced at first that you have put as much thought into that little chunk as us and also it requires reorganizing everything, so we won't do it unless we're sure it's warranted. I think other people go for a more general understanding of a wider amount of topics first and so are more flexible about amending them. I was surprised to find out at first that some people just like expressing an opinion as their own to see how others will react or if anything sticks from what they throw out there.

    I am pretty open to people thinking what they like, but as far as me accepting those things myself or trying them, most things work on a delayed reaction after considerable thought and for most S types, I've found that's too late. We need lots of discussion before we feel okay about it.

    One thing I have to develop is being more open to new ideas and not dismissing them too quickly, particularly in areas that I care a lot about.

    Can you be more specific re: missed cues, annoying moments etc? Thanks a million!
    I definitely agree. For me, a lot of what I know is basically book knowledge that has been honed and shaped with other pieces of information (Ni/Ti tandem). When something blindsides me or is out of my 'expertise' I wall up and dwell on it until I feel knowledgeable enough about it to move forward. I fear mistakes, at least, ones I didn't notice until after the fact, ESPECIALLY when someone else points it out.

    It doesn't matter if they're doing it respectfully either; I get a build of angsty-type turmoil that implodes and I hate myself for a while because of it. I think this is why I focus so much attention on one topic because I REALLY hate to make mistakes. I reject 'alien information' right away, and keep it at an arms reach until I'm comfortable with it. I do this with people especially; if at first I'm very cautious of you, it's because you're a big question mark that needs a little bit more analyzing to see what you're about.

    As an introvert, yes I will definitely miss queues. I only care about the real world insofar that I learn enough to protect myself from many of it's dangers. After that, most of the subtleties of the real world are over my head. Since I don't find such things interesting, I don't study them and turn them into one of my topics.

    What seems like closed to you is "Thinking about this but will not accept it until I have made sure it is, in fact, correct" in the mind of the INFJ.
    Yes! It's self defense, really. Self defense against our self, which is basically a civil war, and the outside world, which is the aliens invading (and feels that way too! )


    Also, Jack Flak (as much as I don't really like him) had a simple way of putting J and P: J focuses on the output and P focuses on the input. A perceiver will keep it open because their mind seems like this: "Hey something new... let's check it out" while a J is more like this: "Oh no, something new, I really REALLY hope it doesn't throw my plans off..."
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
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    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  10. #20
    "Everything in its place" fill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    What seems like closed to you is "Thinking about this but will not accept it until I have made sure it is, in fact, correct" in the mind of the INFJ.
    Spot on.
    "Poor bastard. Wait 'till he sees the bats. "
    enneagram - 7/5/3

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