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  1. #1
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Default INTJ:INFJ interactions

    Are there some innate issues between INTJs and INFJs in terms of communication/motive/disagreement?

    My IRL INFJ is awesome, beautiful, tough, and very independent yet really deep in that beautiful INFJ way. She sailed her sailboat across part of the Atlantic all alone. (She is single too, you silly ENTPs)

    However she got in a huge fight with an INTJ that I also like very much.

    It tunrs out they have a history of not agreeing with one another. She feels as though he is being condescending.

    The latest disagreement to me seemed very trivial. He heard a number. He restated the number factually and concluded it meant poor results-incorrectly. She then seemed to read a huge amount into it and get far more upset than I expected.

    Is there a theme of INTJ-INFJ interactions having issues with miscommunication?

  2. #2
    Senior Member MonkeyGrass's Avatar
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    Most assuredly, yes. When they're both on a "bad" day, the INTJ critiques the INFJ's every move, and the INFJ (who abhors criticism, especially lots at once) can spin nasty theories about why the INTJ is so cold and calculating, leaving INTJ feeling socially incapable...sparking yet more criticism.

    But that's on a bad day. :O) Otherwise, common threads generally make for peaceful coexistence.
    I think I think more than you think I think.

  3. #3
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    at times when they both use Ni in a negative way it turns into a fucking disaster. my intj and i have anxiety issues (5w4 and 6w5). when unhealthy we can misread the connections and focus on negative possibilities, kind of losing sight of the way in which we actually need to communicate to work best.

    a 1 type, for example, would never work for me. i don't do anger, bursts of hostility overcharge me and i lash out or shut down. i can't handle enp 7w8s or ifp 9w8s very well either. they would never cross my berlin wall.

    intjs and infjs also face communication issues as far as taking the lead. both are left-brained, detail-oriented. don't really know how to go with the flow, orchestrate a broad and undetailed, undetermined, un-worked-out-in-advance movement (w/ space to breathe for improvisation). so like dancing w/o a lead it's easy to step on each other's toes. both are looking for a sign of good faith or a gesture to improve communication, but waiting for the other to go first.

    infj struggles bc he/she cannot read the expressions of intj and access Fi for a good reading on intentions and values, which is how we communicate (w/o it, we are lacking context). we are notoriously fickle and indecisive, which is upsetting to intj who wants closure and directed action. intjs often get more adamantly Te to get their bearings, and we take it as a sign of being ignored, rather than a serious and sincere attempt to meet us in the middle (E).

  4. #4
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    I have a number of good friends who are "emotionally healthy" INFJs.

    The only time I have problems with INFJs is when I come across one of their crusades. I have no problem with people quirky beliefs, but when someone preaches to the mountains with feelings and no reason, I get irritated.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  5. #5
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    make them wear the dunce cap and stand in the corner

    if that dont work, spank they butts and tell in infj to clam down and the intj to chill

  6. #6
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    all feeling and no reason is what happens when we go superholistic and lose sight of Ti. our Ni connections perceive relationships and possibilities for us to like magic eye perceive, but we often don't know why. when we get resentful for not having our shit worked out, from people asking us to be clearer, linear at least occasionally to understand what leads to what and pinpoint specific relationships, then we probably should be bitch-slapped and knocked some sense into.

    i'm re-writing a 75 page paper i wrote in undergrad. it's shit. people offered various criticisms and i was pretty stubborn and a bit resentful that i had to waste energy by drawing it out, spelling it out, showing my work. should have listened to them, it communicates virtually nothing. and the lack of precision shows in poor thinking at many stages of its stillborn undevelopment.

  7. #7
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    Pretty much as it's been said already. I've experienced "unhealthy" INTJs and we butt heads when they take personal inadequacies out on others in the form of a superiority complex and loads of unnecessary criticism. I view this is as a cruel injustice and I get on my little crusade chariot.

    Typically our friendship ends there because once you point out to an unhealthy INTJ that they are being judgmental and are not right about every damn thing they say, they cut you off there instead of listening further. I've unfortunately experienced this a couple of times. They can build up that wall in a second, even if you try to calmly explain your feelings on the matter.

    It's a shame really, I love INTJs as friends when they're not in a bad spot.

  8. #8
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Lesson of the day: fucked up people are difficult to deal with.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  9. #9
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Well on the INFJ end... sometimes it takes time to figure out my position and evidence/logic/values in support of that view point in a manner that's understandable by the INTJ. When rushed, things get a little hairy.

    Agree with Edgar there... fucked up people of any type are difficult to deal with
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  10. #10
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    the intjs i know are all in a good place, but yeah i totally agree- Fi when it thinks it's right or is feeling threatened is terrible, especially with intj technology at its disposal.

    i'm usually just as quick to the punch as the other intjs i know. but i don't hang out with the super Te types of any mb varietal, so i mainly know somewhat introverted ones. if you deflect their first response, they have to wade into the Ni waters too.

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