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  1. #41
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    Reading this thread I'd be surprised, actually, if he was hurt by one of your comments. The coldness is probably coming from something else that he's taken in. But he wont verbalize this reason to you unless you ask; the only thing you will see is the coldness.
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  2. #42
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mondo View Post
    It's tough to say what happened.
    Do you think you did anything to hurt his feelings?
    Whatever his type is, he sounds like an insecure guy.

    I guess calling him sensitive could be a blow to his masculine ego.
    He doesn't sound like a guy you want to be with anyway.
    I dont think he's insecure at all. He's a very confident guy. He's just sensitive. And he doesnt like to admit it, especially because of what others have said about the typical male stereotypes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Clonester View Post
    Reading this thread I'd be surprised, actually, if he was hurt by one of your comments. The coldness is probably coming from something else that he's taken in. But he wont verbalize this reason to you unless you ask; the only thing you will see is the coldness.
    So if he wasnt hurt by my sarcasm, what do you mean the coldness is from something else he's taken in? Like what?

  3. #43
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Edit: Following three posts presuppose that he does not wish to pursue a relationship with you, which is my hunch, but it appears others do not think so.

    A wise idea to tell him exactly how you feel. He is not going to come out and tell you, but if you explain yourself, I think he might give you something satisfactory. He may be trying to turn you off/away from him because he does not want you, and he may be insensitive because he feels you do not require the sensitivity that another might, which is probably true, but not to the extent that he apparently believes. He wants to be clear with his intentions, but he doesn't have the spine to do so, and so he reverts to childish and simple tactics which may be more hurtful or confusing than the mature alternative. But his animosity is not directed to hurt- don't make that mistake. If I were you, I would be straight up with him and focus more on his undertones leading you to believe that he is harboring somewhat malicious feelings than on the fact that things are awkard. He already knows things are awkward.

    I must say that I am not surprised by his initial behavior, though, and that he may have moved on quickly for the simple reason that he has GGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome) and the situation involves no fault of yours. He wouldn't stop dating you because you offended him unless you did so consistently, which I doubt. He is probably behaving this way now because your presences peeves him, peeves him because he feels the necessity to distance himself from you but is unwilling to do so through calm, rational explanation, thus pitting his consciousness against his own weakness that he would rather not acknowledge, and he is deflecting this truth by blaming you for your thickness and inability to get the hint.

    Sorry we have GGS, this probably will not be your last time to experience this kind of unfairness.
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  4. #44
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sonata View Post
    -commences obnoxious jump into this thread in hopes of further ENFP comprehension- Could you (or any ENFP here) elaborate on some of this? What makes you lose interest? Does it happen in an established relationship, where you just decide one day you aren't that into the person anymore, or is it just during the opening stages where you two are flirting?

    On the whole pushing away people for whom you feel too much: is there anything that person could do to start or reverse that cycle?
    GGS. ENFPs think a) in terms of what things could be and b) in broad concepts and c)interpersonally. Therefore, you can expect an ENFP to consider the relationship question in terms of all that the relationship is not, taking what is for granted. On top of this, ENFPs attract the object of their affection like a tractor beam, so on top of considering the relationship that they are in in terms of what it is not, they consider the possibilities of all of the other relationships that are not. Being particularly focused, (though not seeming so), the tractor beam may be repositioned and aimed at another person much to the dismay of the person he is with. ENFPs are quite caring, but they are not selfless. There must be a strong benefit:work ratio involving relatively quick payoff for an ENFP to be enticed to action, and when you apply this to remantic relationships, you get a person who sees he can have the novelty of a new relationship almost effortlessly, and he will abandon the one he is with for the better ratio (in terms of immediate payoff). It is quite possibly my worst quality, and I have become much wiser in terms of being careful who I allow to open up and become attached to me. Maybe my wisdom came from the realization of the accumulative damage I have caused. Many ENFPs are not so wise about this, and so they crush people successively until their guilt forces them to reevaluate their behavior.

    Is this sufficient?
    An inscription above the gate to Hell:
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  5. #45
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    So if he wasnt hurt by my sarcasm, what do you mean the coldness is from something else he's taken in? Like what?
    I really want to stress that I don't buy this for a second. I don't know any type more able to evaluate the seriousness of another's comments. An ENFP will be crushed by the INTP "mirror of truth," but general sarcasm is usually appreciated by ENFPs. I mean, does he really suck at volleyball and think about it a lot self-consciously? If so, your comment was pretty bitchy and I retract my statements. If he is at least halfway decent, he will recognize the sarcasm immediately (and probably appreciate the acronym as well )
    An inscription above the gate to Hell:
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  6. #46
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    I highly doubt he's in love with me or has deep feelings. Is there a possibility he is being cold with me because he's just not interested anymore? If he has lost interest, wouldnt approaching him about his aloofness come across as needy? If that's the case, should I make it clear that I'm fine with him not being interested, and that I just wanted to clear the air and make sure I didnt offend him?

    I just want to be careful about how I express myself this time around.

    So I'm going on vacation for a whole week and wont be able to talk to him until I get back (if things are still weird when I get back). He sent me a text today to give me a tip about the museums I'll be visiting, which I thought was unexpected. Could he be trying to make up for being cold with me the day before? He again completely ignored me when I left work and said, "Well I'm off to NY".. He just replied "have a good trip" w/o even looking at me. That one really stung :ouch:...It was so weird because just a few minutes before that, he and I along with another coworker were conversing and it was fun and friendly.

    This guy is making me want to sing Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" all day long. UGH
    Awww. I'm going through my own version of "Hot and Cold" with an INFJ right now, so I hear ya.

    I think he still has feelings for you. Personally, I don't have any problems smiling and being nice with people I don't care about, but I can and have been the coldest b-tch from hell with my INFJ man.

    So 1. Yes, you should definitely talk to him and 2. Talk to him for your own emotional safety. Be brief, to the point, sincere. No sarcasm. And don't expect a response back. Whichever way this goes, the bottom line is you want to be good coworkers again. CLEAR THE AIR. That's not needy. That's you being a mature adult and not wanting to work in an awkward, uncomfortable environment.

    You'll get loads of points with him by bringing it up in the first place and things will begin to thaw and get better.

  7. #47
    Senior Member Into It's Avatar
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    That's an awesome vector, by the way. Did you make it?
    An inscription above the gate to Hell:
    "Eternal Love also created me"

  8. #48
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    So 1. Yes, you should definitely talk to him and 2. Talk to him for your own emotional safety. Be brief, to the point, sincere. No sarcasm. And don't expect a response back. Whichever way this goes, the bottom line is you want to be good coworkers again. CLEAR THE AIR. That's not needy. That's you being a mature adult and not wanting to work in an awkward, uncomfortable environment.

    You'll get loads of points with him by bringing it up in the first place and things will begin to thaw and get better.
    I wonder if talking about the issue is something that ENFP WOMEN welcome more than ENFP men...I'm just afraid of him pulling away even more if I start expressing my feelings about the tension. Any insight on discussing the issue when it comes to Male vs Female ENFPs? Would they both appreciate the honesty? Or will the ENFP man find it annoying and unnecessary to have the talk?

    Quote Originally Posted by Into It View Post
    I really want to stress that I don't buy this for a second. I don't know any type more able to evaluate the seriousness of another's comments. An ENFP will be crushed by the INTP "mirror of truth," but general sarcasm is usually appreciated by ENFPs. I mean, does he really suck at volleyball and think about it a lot self-consciously? If so, your comment was pretty bitchy and I retract my statements. If he is at least halfway decent, he will recognize the sarcasm immediately (and probably appreciate the acronym as well )
    I was definitely consistently sarcastic...but most of the sarcasm has been a friendly stab at HIM, whether they were true or not.


    Quote Originally Posted by Into It View Post
    That's an awesome vector, by the way. Did you make it?
    I do make vectors but this one is by another artist on deviant art. This is her gallery: rafajija on deviantART

  9. #49
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    I'm not very happy with ENFPs at present and feel like it's not worth your trouble or pain (I suppose you're forced to seeing as he's a coworker, but otherwise, just walk away). Look at all the accomodating you're doing when this person is pouting in a corner like a little (cruel) child. The fuck.

  10. #50
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    So 1. Yes, you should definitely talk to him and 2. Talk to him for your own emotional safety. Be brief, to the point, sincere. No sarcasm. And don't expect a response back. Whichever way this goes, the bottom line is you want to be good coworkers again. CLEAR THE AIR. That's not needy. That's you being a mature adult and not wanting to work in an awkward, uncomfortable environment.

    You'll get loads of points with him by bringing it up in the first place and things will begin to thaw and get better.
    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    I wonder if talking about the issue is something that ENFP WOMEN welcome more than ENFP men...I'm just afraid of him pulling away even more if I start expressing my feelings about the tension. Any insight on discussing the issue when it comes to Male vs Female ENFPs? Would they both appreciate the honesty? Or will the ENFP man find it annoying and unnecessary to have the talk?
    Anyone care to comment on the above?

    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    I'm not very happy with ENFPs at present and feel like it's not worth your trouble or pain (I suppose you're forced to seeing as he's a coworker, but otherwise, just walk away). Look at all the accomodating you're doing when this person is pouting in a corner like a little (cruel) child. The fuck.
    I just want to better understand their type and perhaps be more sensitive to how others take my sense of humor. Ultimately if he doesn't budge and continues the whole hot/cold thing I'll just have to ignore.

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