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  1. #31
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    As a little side note, I too often try to understand my actions.

    If you figure it out, let me know.

    Nah, but seriously, Antisocial One, I was not implying that you meant 'always' by 'sometimes,' and I admit that is often the case when I'm in the so-called 'silly mode.' I just wanted to clarify because otherwise people might walk away and think holy......Well, yeah...

    No worries.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  2. #32
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    This just made me cringe. Sounds like he was trying to be as blunt with you as possible without exploding to your face, and you didn't get it. Thank goodness there's the Typology forums. Saves relationships, coworkers and puppies. You'll be alright. Just have a talk at some point.
    Yes, that time actually caught me by surprise. It was the one time he expressed it verbally. But I told him it was just a joke, and that's when he said well, I didnt find it funny. So I proceeded to say something along the lines of "see I knew you were sensitive, you're a total feeler." To which I couldnt really interpret his reaction afterward. We just continued conversing.

    What's odd is that i've sent him text messages after i've said something that could have possibly been hurtful telling him I hope it didnt offend him, and he always replies, "no not at all". is he just trying to play the tough guy part? or trying to be non-confrontational?

    I also remember on one of the dates I was trying to be cautious and said "I havent gauged your sensitivity level yet (knowing he was ENFP)." To which he responded, "dont worry, I'm senseless". Somehow I didnt believe him, but I guess I took his word for it! Big mistake.

  3. #33
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Ouch. Of course, context is everything, but this sounds likes a hurtful comment, especially if made in front of others. You might have not only hurt his feelings, but also embarrassed him in front of colleagues, hence the ENFP shield went up and he became defensive because he felt publicly ripped (even though you say you didn't mean it that way). ENFPs are sensitive - we might keep it inside because we have Fi but we are definitely sensitive...



    He feels attacked so is responding in kind. Curious - what was your "tone" in your comment - ENFPs will respond more to the tone of the message even more than what is actually being said a lot of times. If the tone AND message both ripped him, you definitely have a hurt ENFP on your hands.




    Yes. Most definitely.



    Great idea... Most ENFPs are verrrryyy forgiving if approached with authenticity and a sincere apology...

    I know you didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but for some reason you struck a nerve with your comment I think, and hurt his feelings, and then he began his distancing behavior (self protection/preservation).

    I don't think it's anyone's *fault* just a T/F inadvertant clash. I think there is definitely hope! =) We ENFPs do enjoy playful witty banter but usually not at anyone's expense - especially at our own expense in front of work colleagues. Again, I know your intentions were good. =) Definitely talk to him and clear it up. We ENFPs forgive and bounce back quickly once we *understand* the other person's perspective... =) Good luck I am rooting for you!
    yep totally true. a lot of that attitude or aloofness you'll see is some subconscious self protection thing...you can't hurt me if i don't care thing...sounds like that might be what it is.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #34
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    @Scientist

    I don't know if you've seen the thread on ENFPs taking on personas. That's our protective shell that we present to the world a happy-go-lucky personality of FUN and ADVENTURE!!

    I can totally see my male ENFP friend saying "don't worry, I'm senseless" instead of being more honest. You guys have only been on a few dates -- not enough time to completely trust someone with who you really are. You're still sniffing each other out.

    It sounds like he doesn't completely trust you to tone down the sarcasm. You did it more than once, so why should he believe that your behavior will change? My advice: Talk with him AND at the same time tone down the sarcasm and be consistent. It's good that you're insightful about all this. Hope everything works out.

  5. #35
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Some friends suggested just ignoring him seeing as he used me just for an ego boost while he was clearly uninterested.

    Are ENFP's vengeful? I dont know why I sense this from him. If I ignore him, it's almost like he'll try to ignore me twice as much or be unusually cold with me.

    i hate this....
    ENFP's can be vengeful, but we have to have a real deeply felt reason for being so(pain that we can feel).

    Maybe he felt offended by something you did. I'd def ask if I were you.

    Then again-
    It is common for us to loose romantic interest in someone quickly, but when we loose interest, I have never known it to be in a manner that feels unkind or hurtful.....but also, I personally have acted the way your guy is acting towards people I was deeply(and maybe reluctantly) in love with. I don't know rather that's an ENFP thing, or just a me thing, but I have effectively pushed away people for whom my affections for seemed overwhelming and I felt as though I was literally melting into the very soul of the person. That being said, it sounds like your sarcasm is a bit much for him, and him saying "No, not at all"(I say this all the time) could just be a knee jerk response to avoid conflict.

  6. #36
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    It is common for us to loose romantic interest in someone quickly, but when we loose interest, I have never known it to be in a manner that feels unkind or hurtful.....but also, I personally have acted the way your guy is acting towards people I was deeply(and maybe reluctantly) in love with. I don't know rather that's an ENFP thing, or just a me thing, but I have effectively pushed away people for whom my affections for seemed overwhelming and I felt as though I was literally melting into the very soul of the person. That being said, it sounds like your sarcasm is a bit much for him, and him saying "No, not at all"(I say this all the time) could just be a knee jerk response to avoid conflict.
    I highly doubt he's in love with me or has deep feelings. Is there a possibility he is being cold with me because he's just not interested anymore? If he has lost interest, wouldnt approaching him about his aloofness come across as needy? If that's the case, should I make it clear that I'm fine with him not being interested, and that I just wanted to clear the air and make sure I didnt offend him?

    I just want to be careful about how I express myself this time around.

    So I'm going on vacation for a whole week and wont be able to talk to him until I get back (if things are still weird when I get back). He sent me a text today to give me a tip about the museums I'll be visiting, which I thought was unexpected. Could he be trying to make up for being cold with me the day before? He again completely ignored me when I left work and said, "Well I'm off to NY".. He just replied "have a good trip" w/o even looking at me. That one really stung :ouch:...It was so weird because just a few minutes before that, he and I along with another coworker were conversing and it was fun and friendly.

    This guy is making me want to sing Katy Perry's "Hot and Cold" all day long. UGH

  7. #37
    Member secondhandsight's Avatar
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    I think he may be doubting if there could ever be
    a comfortable acceptance of his sensitivity (in relation
    to your 'I knew you were sensitive' comment), and
    probably is in fear of being being coldly analyzed
    by someone who might have the sardonic logical
    upper hand in any discourse (as he may see it).

    I'd wager that the opening stages of any relationship
    are tricky for an ENFP, in that their gauging of you
    is emotional and necessarily under-critical (in my
    experience ENFPs hold off on critical analysis, both
    building it and sharing it, until they achieve a certain
    level of trust with you, all in aid of their warm-hearted
    ways I gather ). The only way to circumnavigate
    all this and avoid playing that Katy Perry track is
    to open up the debate board gently, offering honest
    thoughts and feelings, as has been offered already.
    Nothing succeeds like gentle honesty with any of
    the ENFPs I've known anyway! Best of luck.

  8. #38
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I'd also wager that he could've taken your oh you're a feeler -comment as a blow to his sensitivity and masculinity. No doubt he tries to cover it up, especially at work as...well it's not exactly the right place nor is he according to society the right gender for it. If you blew his cover on top of that, or if he's scared that you might do so..he's acting very much the opposite to minimize the damage (+ potential self-denial as a defensive reaction).

    I'd say he's going to keep denying it till you level the playing field. No clue if you're up for that though, coz it means trusting him with some of your insecurities/vulnerabilities/feelings so he feels that what you know about him is matched by what he knows about you. It creates a special bond of trust.
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  9. #39
    Senior Member sonata's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    It is common for us to loose romantic interest in someone quickly, but when we loose interest, I have never known it to be in a manner that feels unkind or hurtful.....but also, I personally have acted the way your guy is acting towards people I was deeply(and maybe reluctantly) in love with. I don't know rather that's an ENFP thing, or just a me thing, but I have effectively pushed away people for whom my affections for seemed overwhelming and I felt as though I was literally melting into the very soul of the person.
    -commences obnoxious jump into this thread in hopes of further ENFP comprehension- Could you (or any ENFP here) elaborate on some of this? What makes you lose interest? Does it happen in an established relationship, where you just decide one day you aren't that into the person anymore, or is it just during the opening stages where you two are flirting?

    On the whole pushing away people for whom you feel too much: is there anything that person could do to start or reverse that cycle?

  10. #40
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    It's tough to say what happened.
    Do you think you did anything to hurt his feelings?
    Whatever his type is, he sounds like an insecure guy.

    I guess calling him sensitive could be a blow to his masculine ego.
    He doesn't sound like a guy you want to be with anyway.
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