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  1. #21
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    I don't want to be mean towards anyone but the fact is that ENFP sometimes simply do not act in a logical way (and they are even proud of it).
    So if you are trying to place him into a logical framework you could be making a mistake.
    This is true when I'm being silly but far from true when I'm pulled back down to reality. We are also very capable of being logical.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  2. #22
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Ouch. Of course, context is everything, but this sounds likes a hurtful comment, especially if made in front of others. You might have not only hurt his feelings, but also embarrassed him in front of colleagues, hence the ENFP shield went up and he became defensive because he felt publicly ripped (even though you say you didn't mean it that way). ENFPs are sensitive - we might keep it inside because we have Fi but we are definitely sensitive...



    He feels attacked so is responding in kind. Curious - what was your "tone" in your comment - ENFPs will respond more to the tone of the message even more than what is actually being said a lot of times. If the tone AND message both ripped him, you definitely have a hurt ENFP on your hands.




    Yes. Most definitely.



    Great idea... Most ENFPs are verrrryyy forgiving if approached with authenticity and a sincere apology...

    I know you didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but for some reason you struck a nerve with your comment I think, and hurt his feelings, and then he began his distancing behavior (self protection/preservation).

    I don't think it's anyone's *fault* just a T/F inadvertant clash. I think there is definitely hope! =) We ENFPs do enjoy playful witty banter but usually not at anyone's expense - especially at our own expense in front of work colleagues. Again, I know your intentions were good. =) Definitely talk to him and clear it up. We ENFPs forgive and bounce back quickly once we *understand* the other person's perspective... =) Good luck I am rooting for you!
    +1 Good post.

    Tip: if you make a sarcastic comment, especially if you don't know us that well yet, for the love of God smile! That way we get to enjoy the joke too, instead of recoiling.
    Took me a year to get the female INTJ in our group at college to grasp that concept, but once she learned, her rep a bitch diminished instantly
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  3. #23
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    This is true when I'm being silly but far from true when I'm pulled back down to reality. We are also very capable of being logical.
    Agreed. Illogical and random is fun for silly time... However, in every day "reality" I have an extremely logical, methodical side - a grounded side if you will.

  4. #24
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Tip: if you make a sarcastic comment, especially if you don't know us that well yet, for the love of God smile! That way we get to enjoy the joke too, instead of recoiling.
    BINGO!

  5. #25
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Wow, I'm so glad to have gotten so many responses. Thanks so much for your feedback everyone.

    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    Ditto with everyone else who suggested talking to him, but I also wanted to ask for clarification purposes:

    What happened on that last date? Did you detect any coldness from him then? When did you start detecting that he was becoming emotionally withdrawn? If you think clearly and put yourself in his shoes, have you been not responsive and cold to his reaching out to you?

    You don't have to answer these questions here, but they might help you get a clear picture of what's going on.
    Our last date was when he kissed me. It went great. He initiated. After that, he continued to flirt and kiss me at work, but never asked me out again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I don't know what happened in your particular instance, but I will say that I've often found INTJ sarcasm very offputting until about the 1000th or more time where I just quit taking it seriously at all and quit giving a ____. BUT it took me 1000 or more times to get there, and it still will piss me off if I'm not consciously thinking/remembering to not take it at all seriously.
    I've been very sarcastic with him, especially after our last date. I'm trying to think back when the coldness started. I made a comment in front of male colleagues. Usually all of my sarcasm is in front of coworkers because we sit in the same row. I can see now how that could have been a very BAD thing. There was one time he even told me he thought it wasnt funny, but I thought maybe he was over that incident. I just didnt think much of it.

    Is it bad that I called him sensitive in front of the coworkers? It was playfully intended. Wow...I cant believe how much all of this could have been taken the wrong way. I guess I need to lay off on my biting sense of humor...

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Mmm, you hit a nerve with that joking comment. His insecurity showed in his response, I'd say. Which would suggest that he believes you judge him on something and therefore dont like/respect/value him in some way.
    I think he may feel that I've judged him. He's mentioned to me he HATES it when people judge him.


    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    He feels attacked so is responding in kind. Curious - what was your "tone" in your comment - ENFPs will respond more to the tone of the message even more than what is actually being said a lot of times. If the tone AND message both ripped him, you definitely have a hurt ENFP on your hands.
    I always say things with a smirk. I dunno. But then again I probably dont realize how I come off to others.

    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Great idea... Most ENFPs are verrrryyy forgiving if approached with authenticity and a sincere apology...

    I don't think it's anyone's *fault* just a T/F inadvertant clash. I think there is definitely hope! =) We ENFPs do enjoy playful witty banter but usually not at anyone's expense - especially at our own expense in front of work colleagues. Again, I know your intentions were good. =) Definitely talk to him and clear it up. We ENFPs forgive and bounce back quickly once we *understand* the other person's perspective... =) Good luck I am rooting for you!
    This is so nice to hear. I really hope he hears me out. Thank you very much...so there's still hope to clear the air...

    Unfortunately, I'm going on vacation for a week so I cant have the talk with him right now...I wonder how things will be when I return...

  6. #26
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    Yeah, I agree. Seems like he is fizzling you out. I would ask sooner rather than later. The more time he spends away from you, the more he may think to himself, "wait a sec, maybe we COULD work!" And then, you will be back on the roller coaster of "what could be" only to end up where you are now all over again.
    Bingo. Ask him where you stand. If he thinks there may still be something there, the problem can be worked out (doesn't matter who caused the problem). ENFP's are reasonable, IME.
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  7. #27
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Linguist View Post
    This is true when I'm being silly but far from true when I'm pulled back down to reality. We are also very capable of being logical.
    Quote Originally Posted by seeker22 View Post
    Agreed. Illogical and random is fun for silly time... However, in every day "reality" I have an extremely logical, methodical side - a grounded side if you will.
    There is a reason why I said "sometimes".

  8. #28
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    There is a reason why I said "sometimes".
    Yes indeed, and I addressed the "other times" that "sometimes" doesn't cover.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Talk to him. He will appreciate the intimacy of it and that you were the one to reach out, we always like that. Tell him how you feel about him, even if he knows, and tell him what you told us.

    I'd love to give you better advice, but I can't muster it. I do feel like this is the best approach and if he liked you enough to go on a few dates with you, then I'm sure it wouldn't take much to get your relationship, whatever it may be, back in track.

    Good luck!
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    There was one time he even told me he thought it wasnt funny, but I thought maybe he was over that incident. I just didnt think much of it.
    This just made me cringe. Sounds like he was trying to be as blunt with you as possible without exploding to your face, and you didn't get it. Thank goodness there's the Typology forums. Saves relationships, coworkers and puppies. You'll be alright. Just have a talk at some point.

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