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  1. #11
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I'd like to add something, there's a good chance he's 'afeared' of settling on one person in a relationship. ENFPs are explorers and, well, explorers don't want to be in the same place all the time. The fear of singular commitment could be what is making him withdrawn. He might be trying to back out of the relationship quietly.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

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    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

  2. #12
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Mmm, you hit a nerve with that joking comment. His insecurity showed in his response, I'd say. Which would suggest that he believes you judge him on something and therefore dont like/respect/value him in some way.

    What did happen on that last date, coz if I'd have to guess, I'd say the answer lies there. (no need to divulge if you feel awkward doing so, just wondering)

    And yes, if you cannot figure it out, go to him with a :"Hey, can we talk for a sec? Did I do something to upset you, coz honestly, if I did, it wasn't intentional."

    If he denies that vehemently, he's protecting himself and you're best off asking him in a non-judgemental way why things seem to be so different between you two and you're only looking to understand what's going on, as you appreciate him too much to risk leaving certain things hanging between you two as appears to be the case.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    If I took a guess, the ENFP probably saw something in you he didn't like and doesn't think the relationship would work as a result. Can't speak for all ENFP's, but I'm not afraid to end such a relationship quickly. What could be happening is he doesn't want to hurt YOU with a confrontation, so he's playing it cool and letting things go slowly. Ask him and he'll probably tell you why.
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    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

  4. #14
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Smooth, guys, really smooth. Some guy's giving an INTJ the cold shoulder and you tell her it might be her fault. Smo-o-o-oth. Really.

    Scientist, you are within your rights to collar this guy and say "Dude, WTF?" In fact, if you want an answer, you probably have to. You might actually have to say directly to the guy that he can choose to go back to being friends if he wants. (And you better watch out for him overcompensating at that point.) If he wants to fade on the whatever you guys have started, he can speak the words to you, yeah?

    Anyway, these things can fester. Better to ask and find out.

  5. #15
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    Smooth, guys, really smooth. Some guy's giving an INTJ the cold shoulder and you tell her it might be her fault. Smo-o-o-oth. Really.

    Scientist, you are within your rights to collar this guy and say "Dude, WTF?" In fact, if you want an answer, you probably have to. You might actually have to say directly to the guy that he can choose to go back to being friends if he wants. (And you better watch out for him overcompensating at that point.) If he wants to fade on the whatever you guys have started, he can speak the words to you, yeah?

    Anyway, these things can fester. Better to ask and find out.
    Kalach, I think you're misunderstanding us here. Or at least me. She asked for insight into his behavior, which was provided. Since his motives are unknown, it is impossible to know if a misunderstanding occurred (hence the question: what happened on the last date?), or if he's being a jerk. I like to give the benefit of the doubt. To both people. I'm merely inquiring as to her behavior and how things went to see if I can find something that an ENFP (rightly or wrongly so) could interpret badly and make him behave this way, not judging her or what she's done/said.
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  6. #16
    Filthy Apes! Kalach's Avatar
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    Yeah, but she's already second-guessing. She can sit at home wondering what she did wrong and trying to work out how it would affect someone, or she can ask and learn.

    The latter would be the Te thing to do. And she's interacting with a person, so might as well let her use her extraverted functions, yeah?


    Plus, the guy's already started a program of "We're having happy fun over here and you're not part of it and I'm not even looking at you because no one can hurt meeee!" Better to address it, yeah?

  7. #17
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    agreed that asking is probably the best solution in her situation
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  8. #18
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Clonester View Post
    If I took a guess, the ENFP probably saw something in you he didn't like and doesn't think the relationship would work as a result. Can't speak for all ENFP's, but I'm not afraid to end such a relationship quickly. What could be happening is he doesn't want to hurt YOU with a confrontation, so he's playing it cool and letting things go slowly. Ask him and he'll probably tell you why.
    Yeah, I agree. Seems like he is fizzling you out. I would ask sooner rather than later. The more time he spends away from you, the more he may think to himself, "wait a sec, maybe we COULD work!" And then, you will be back on the roller coaster of "what could be" only to end up where you are now all over again.

  9. #19
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalach View Post
    Plus, the guy's already started a program of "We're having happy fun over here and you're not part of it and I'm not even looking at you because no one can hurt meeee!" Better to address it, yeah?
    Oh that would be a Te defensive response, good call. Yup straight up honesty is the best path.

    Maybe mention you really did like him and even admit that sometimes you can come off intimidating, but that an honest understanding would be really helpful.

  10. #20
    Senior Member seeker22's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    today I jokingly said something along the lines of "so I heard you were the LVP of the volley ball team, least valuable player".
    Ouch. Of course, context is everything, but this sounds likes a hurtful comment, especially if made in front of others. You might have not only hurt his feelings, but also embarrassed him in front of colleagues, hence the ENFP shield went up and he became defensive because he felt publicly ripped (even though you say you didn't mean it that way). ENFPs are sensitive - we might keep it inside because we have Fi but we are definitely sensitive...

    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Then he bites back with an even more sarcastic and rude comment. But his sarcasm felt real, while mines was rather innocent. He basically said something along the lines of minding my own business and that he's having fun with the guys in the row at the moment. I just sensed the undertone was more than sarcasm.
    He feels attacked so is responding in kind. Curious - what was your "tone" in your comment - ENFPs will respond more to the tone of the message even more than what is actually being said a lot of times. If the tone AND message both ripped him, you definitely have a hurt ENFP on your hands.


    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    What is up with this ENFP? Could I have hurt his feelings?
    Yes. Most definitely.

    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    I'd like to talk to him and let him know that the awkwardness was just bothering me and just be honest with him.
    Great idea... Most ENFPs are verrrryyy forgiving if approached with authenticity and a sincere apology...

    I know you didn't mean to hurt his feelings, but for some reason you struck a nerve with your comment I think, and hurt his feelings, and then he began his distancing behavior (self protection/preservation).

    I don't think it's anyone's *fault* just a T/F inadvertant clash. I think there is definitely hope! =) We ENFPs do enjoy playful witty banter but usually not at anyone's expense - especially at our own expense in front of work colleagues. Again, I know your intentions were good. =) Definitely talk to him and clear it up. We ENFPs forgive and bounce back quickly once we *understand* the other person's perspective... =) Good luck I am rooting for you!

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