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  1. #111
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post

    What is up with this ENFP? Could I have hurt his feelings?
    It sounds like he is hurt. But it can be that it's not significant thing but it's just bugging him. ENFP's can be pretty moody and inconsistent in their behaviour. I mean it can look like that outside but inside there are cause and the reason and the connections of all things).

    If you'll ask about this thing from him, do it gently because he can be even more hurt if you confront him and demand the answer.

    Although I don't know too much about ENFP male's inner life, lol.

  2. #112
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    The benefit of having thinking-preference (TJ?) means their emotional Fi intensity bounces right off of me. I'm not as negatively affected by it as other people would be.
    Yeah. I find that to be true in most of my dealings with Ts.

    I feel I can be my naturally emotional self because I'm confident the T won't take it personally.

    Even if I do lose control a little, I can usually count on the T to realize its my own problem and not theirs, and they don't usually expect a lot of groveling and pleading for forgiveness in order to move on.

    With other Fs, the slightest negative emotion can erupt into a major conflict in seconds, and its impossible to move on without gratuitous amounts of apologizing.
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  3. #113
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post

    ENFP's can be pretty moody and inconsistent in their behaviour. I mean it can look like that outside but inside there are cause and the reason and the connections of all things).
    I think this is an important point.

    Although there are some pretty consistent internal processes, the outward mood and behavior of ENFPs is pretty hard to predict.

    I would recommend that people don't even try to predict it.

    I would suggest being firm but gentle with the ENFP about how their mood and behavior affect you.

    And to resist the temptation to remind them over and over again.

    If you say it firm but gently, I believe, in most cases, they will take it to heart, and be willing to change.


    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    If you'll ask about this thing from him, do it gently because he can be even more hurt if you confront him and demand the answer.
    Absolutely. Good advice.
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  4. #114
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  5. #115
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    It's more like I end up turning into a kooky fluffball, to my surprise.

    Basically, be prepared to do things you normally wouldn't.



    The benefit of having thinking-preference (TJ?) means their emotional Fi intensity bounces right off of me. I'm not as negatively affected by it as other people would be.

    My experience exactly. I love my INTJ for being the rock my emotional waves can crash on

    And he loves that he is allowed to roll his eyes at me while being dragged by me into crazy stuff he'd never do (but secretly very much enjoys )

    Also, once you are in the 'inner circle of trust', and you know your ENFP rather well, his moods and actions *will* become clear. I won't say they'll be predictable, but when they happen, you'll be able to put 2 and 2 together
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  6. #116
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Angry

    I've completely given up with this particular ENFP. I feel very angry with him...I feel he uses me as his ego boost at work, then ignores me when he feels like it. I do enjoy his company when he's being genuine and honest, but most of the time I feel like he's not.

    I liked the attention, but it's not worth what I'm feeling right now.

    He's a very attractive ENFP. I'm sure he has girls falling for him all over the place. He probably sees me as another one of those he cant shake off. I'm not even pursuing him. I got the hint. He wasn't interested. Perhaps he sees my signs of wanting friendship as still wanting something more. I wish he would have just been up front from the start and just had the balls to tell me that he didn't want to pursue anything further....rather than leaving it in this awkward and frustrating 'I'll just ignore' you phase.

    At this point, I'm don't want to have a conversation about this with him. It will only stroke his ego further and make him think that I really did like him a lot. That is a service I'm not willing to provide.

    It just sucks to be reminded of rejection everyday you go to work...that and I think I overheard him speaking of a girl he's talking to...he did it right in front of me. go ahead, just stab my heart a little harder. I'm INTJ...I have no feelings right?

    I'm an emotional wreck today and, yes, wrote this all out of anger.

    Wonkavision, it'd be nice to hear your male perspective on all this.

  7. #117
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    Perhaps he sees my signs of wanting friendship as still wanting something more. I wish he would have just been up front from the start and just had the balls to tell me that he didn't want to pursue anything further....rather than leaving it in this awkward and frustrating 'I'll just ignore' you phase.

    At this point, I'm don't want to have a conversation about this with him. It will only stroke his ego further and make him think that I really did like him a lot.
    Wonka can probably offer better advice than myself, but misinterpretations and a lack of communication do sometimes supply fuel to the existing collisions, which are possibilities in this case.

    A few thoughts:

    - The ENFP may simply be acting as his charming self, not acknowledging how the other party perceives this behavior.
    - Perhaps a personal explanation will permit him to understand how you truly feel. He might believe you weren't as serious as you currently are.
    - Did he verbally state he was interested? If not, he could have assume the interaction was a non-committal flirt session.

    If you ever decide to speak with him, clarifying your position and gently asking for his is one method of ironing the tension.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

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  8. #118
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    F types also will sometimes talk extra loudly when they're trying to achieve something or get rid of baggage. we have a different type of maturity/immaturity. it is indirect. it negates or throws out whole webs of connection at a time, when something feels poisonous. and that poison could be ANYTHING within or associated with the web.

    in my experience, i've had negative (read: borderline toxic) interactions with people i cared for very much and who liked me back. it was just the F allergic reactions that prevented us from hearing each other properly. the inability to pinpoint what is SPECIFICALLY wrong and address/fix it, instead watching the whole negativity spread in a cancerous way within the F web.

    with that said, ep types don't place as much value in single interactions, on the whole, as ij types do. they just don't have to. we have to pick and choose more bc we meet less people. we don't encounter them as often or may recognize potential connections in a more discriminating way, which makes us more disappointed when they dissipate.

  9. #119
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    I've completely given up with this particular ENFP. I feel very angry with him...I feel he uses me as his ego boost at work, then ignores me when he feels like it. I do enjoy his company when he's being genuine and honest, but most of the time I feel like he's not.

    I liked the attention, but it's not worth what I'm feeling right now.

    He's a very attractive ENFP. I'm sure he has girls falling for him all over the place. He probably sees me as another one of those he cant shake off. I'm not even pursuing him. I got the hint. He wasn't interested. Perhaps he sees my signs of wanting friendship as still wanting something more. I wish he would have just been up front from the start and just had the balls to tell me that he didn't want to pursue anything further....rather than leaving it in this awkward and frustrating 'I'll just ignore' you phase.

    At this point, I'm don't want to have a conversation about this with him. It will only stroke his ego further and make him think that I really did like him a lot. That is a service I'm not willing to provide.

    It just sucks to be reminded of rejection everyday you go to work...that and I think I overheard him speaking of a girl he's talking to...he did it right in front of me. go ahead, just stab my heart a little harder. I'm INTJ...I have no feelings right?

    I'm an emotional wreck today and, yes, wrote this all out of anger.

    Wonkavision, it'd be nice to hear your male perspective on all this.

    Well, I'm not sure I have much more to say about this.

    I will think about it though.
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  10. #120
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post

    misinterpretations and a lack of communication do sometimes supply fuel to the existing collisions, which are possibilities in this case.

    A few thoughts:

    - The ENFP may simply be acting as his charming self, not acknowledging how the other party perceives this behavior.
    - Perhaps a personal explanation will permit him to understand how you truly feel. He might believe you weren't as serious as you currently are.
    - Did he verbally state he was interested? If not, he could have assume the interaction was a non-committal flirt session.

    If you ever decide to speak with him, clarifying your position and gently asking for his is one method of ironing the tension.
    I agree with this completely.

    I honestly don't think I can add anything to this.

    Very good insights again, Lethe.
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