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  1. #21
    Wait, what? Varelse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    An ENFJ male that I know does seem to see himself as exemplary. He's a nice guy and all, but he often comes across as a bit pompous and self-important. Interestingly, he's a priest as well.

    In some ways he makes a good role model/father figure type, but in other ways I think he could use a bit of examining the straws in his own eyes if you know what I mean... sometimes he can seem a bit of a hypocrite because he talks about wanting to help people and he's all for cheering people up and helping with their problems, but in reality if you try to talk to him about a problem he always seems to focus on just wanting to cheer you up, when you might not WANT to cheer up right now, you just want to be heard. I suspect it's because he just needs the mood to be happy and light all the time and can't handle people 'getting intense'.
    I've seen some of that in an ENFJ as well. Somewhat of trying to fix people, without realizing that the behavior involved in such wasn't fixing anything at all.

    Also, assertions of moral and spiritual superiority, which greatly annoyed me. And a lack of self-examination, seemingly because of an inability to deal with his own faults.
    We are not poets
    We have no right to make amendments

  2. #22
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Varelse View Post
    ...Also, assertions of moral and spiritual superiority, which greatly annoyed me. And a lack of self-examination, seemingly because of an inability to deal with his own faults.
    Isn't that sort of the description of human pride in general?
    I would think all types are capable of that,
    though it may manifest itself differently in the different types.

  3. #23
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    Am I arrogant? Yes probably. However unlike NTs such a label causes me internal distress. I find arrogance outside of my ideal. I would strive for humility though I do often fail especially when my plan/agenda works perfectly.
    That sentence is hilariously awesome.

    A personality type driven to be their best and to be a good role model, could on average, reasonably come closer to this goal than types that don't invest the same effort.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  4. #24
    filling some space UnitOfPopulation's Avatar
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    I think the whole idea of types relate to WHAT each type thinks as best. For some, a person, for others, something else. I don't think it's away from other's happiness if there is a socially active, pleasant ENFJ or any other type who also thinks he/she is setting a good example.

  5. #25
    Wait, what? Varelse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post
    Isn't that sort of the description of human pride in general?
    I would think all types are capable of that,
    though it may manifest itself differently in the different types.
    True. I just tend to be too unsure, and aware of my own faults, to consider myself some paragon of humanity, so when someone does consider themselves such, it grates.
    We are not poets
    We have no right to make amendments

  6. #26
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    I found the perfect gift for the ENFJ in your life!!



    Quote Originally Posted by Toonia
    That sentence is hilariously awesome.
    I didn't think anyone would notice it lol. YAAAAAAAA Toonia!!
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  7. #27
    Senior Member The Third Rider's Avatar
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    Well I try my best to improve upon my weaknesess and that is one of the reason I why I read everything I can about ENFj's to find out what I can improve upon from how others perceive me. I am sort of a perfectionist and I tend to get really annoyed and pissed off when things don't go as I had planned or people that try to stop/slow me down me from my goals. As far as being an example I try my best at my job, when someone new starts at my job my boss picks me 90% of the time for me to teach them all I can and I become friends with nearly all the guys at my office.
    ENFJ 3W4

    If you read this I am sorry to say that you just lost 5 seconds of your life that you wont be getting back.*

    *Actual time may vary.

  8. #28
    Member Theory's Avatar
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    What's funny is how I always hear about how ENFJs are supposedly so perfectionistic, and yet that couldn't be further from the truth for me. Yes, I'm very organized and detail-oriented, but generally, my principle is "Well, I'll give it a go, and if I fail, that's okay. I just want do to my best and have as much fun as possible."

    Any other ENFJs feel the same way?

  9. #29
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    I've grudgingly accepted that I will never meet my own expectations for 'perfection'. I think doing my best and having fun is a great way to describe my overall attitude.
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  10. #30
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    An ENFJ male that I know does seem to see himself as exemplary. He's a nice guy and all, but he often comes across as a bit pompous and self-important. Interestingly, he's a priest as well.

    In some ways he makes a good role model/father figure type, but in other ways I think he could use a bit of examining the straws in his own eyes if you know what I mean... sometimes he can seem a bit of a hypocrite because he talks about wanting to help people and he's all for cheering people up and helping with their problems, but in reality if you try to talk to him about a problem he always seems to focus on just wanting to cheer you up, when you might not WANT to cheer up right now, you just want to be heard. I suspect it's because he just needs the mood to be happy and light all the time and can't handle people 'getting intense'.
    Hmmm...I must have missed this post. Can you explain what you mean by "getting intense"?

    I've thought about the bolded part before. For me, I think that since I have a tendency to absorb and reflect the emotional temperature of my surroundings I try to keep my surroundings in the positive to neutral zone. It's not intensity that bothers me, it's negative emotion just stewing and simmering. I can handle emotional upheavals as long as they return to normal relatively quickly. This is when I actively try to stabilize the situation (maybe this is what your friend is doing?) When I notice myself doing this, it's for self-protection because I need to keep my core stable. I feel other people's emotions pressing in on me and if I don't change the temperature I'll become overwhelmed.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

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