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  1. #11
    Member Theory's Avatar
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    Ditto to everything Lookin and Littlelostnf just said. I often feel the need to be a role model to others, and I feel like the responsibility is all on my shoulders. (I think the leadership thing is just inherent and instinctive for ENFJs.) But people have mistaken this -- and my outward confidence, whether I'm actually confident or not -- for being arrogant, and there is almost nothing I hate more than that; the feeling of being misread as stuck-up. But in almost every situation that requires a leader or role model, I feel the need to take charge, because the way my thought process goes, nobody else might take the responsibility.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lookin4theBestNU View Post
    at work I am a role model, the pacesetter and the motivator.
    What is your official function? In what sector? Are you a manager? In any case, with how many people do you work with and how many are below you?

    Quote Originally Posted by Theory View Post
    (I think the leadership thing is just inherent and instinctive for ENFJs.) [...]

    But in almost every situation that requires a leader or role model, I feel the need to take charge, because the way my thought process goes, nobody else might take the responsibility.
    Can you give examples of situations in which you have been the leader? How many people were involved and at what level? How did you exercize your leadership?

  3. #13
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Life is so much more pleasurable when you're not trying to be a role model to anybody =)

    In any case, I have dealt with ENFJs in leadership positions before. They are okay, as long as they just tell me what job I have to do, and don't try to "motivate" me.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Life is so much more pleasurable when you're not trying to be a role model to anybody =)
    Have you already tried to be a role model and what made it non pleasurable for you?

  5. #15
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick View Post
    Have you already tried to be a role model and what made it non pleasurable for you?
    I lost a lot of freedom by trying to be a role model. An increasing number of tasks to do in the most perfect possible way slowly erodes free time. Now I have found the compromise of concentrating myself in being very good only at a limited amount of skills, so that I also have time for everything else. Basically, at the time I was trying to get high grades at school, be in a mid-managerial position at work, playing soccer at a competitive level, and going out with my girlfriend on a consistent basis. I was able to pull it off actually, but one day I stopped and considered that my body wouldn't have been able to stand all that for my whole life, so I changed gear.

  6. #16
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    An ENFJ male that I know does seem to see himself as exemplary. He's a nice guy and all, but he often comes across as a bit pompous and self-important. Interestingly, he's a priest as well.

    In some ways he makes a good role model/father figure type, but in other ways I think he could use a bit of examining the straws in his own eyes if you know what I mean... sometimes he can seem a bit of a hypocrite because he talks about wanting to help people and he's all for cheering people up and helping with their problems, but in reality if you try to talk to him about a problem he always seems to focus on just wanting to cheer you up, when you might not WANT to cheer up right now, you just want to be heard. I suspect it's because he just needs the mood to be happy and light all the time and can't handle people 'getting intense'.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  7. #17
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maverick
    What is your official function? In what sector? Are you a manager? In any case, with how many people do you work with and how many are below you?
    Yes I am in management and training to go higher...it is just retail though. I work with an average of anywhere from 8-16 people per shift depending on what needs to be accomplished that day. Unless my boss is there while shifts are overlapping I am in charge of them all.
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  8. #18
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Santtu View Post
    Well, if you feel that you would be a good example to others, what motivates it? Is it motivated by good personal relations you have with people, or some ideas that you hold, or by teaching something valuable/mentoring/etc or just by being a regular person and holding personal integrity?
    Since the immediate question is about being a good example,
    I would like to weigh in.
    I believe I am a defective INTJ in that some of my motivations, i.e. self-improvement, are more INFJ.
    In other words, I think I am an INTJ on the outside,
    but I believe I am an INFJ on the inside.

    Anyway, one of the major measurements I use in my life is "my example to others".
    I make decisions based on whether it will be a good example or a bad example.
    This is one of my primary standards for life-decisions.

    What is it motivated by?
    Hmmm... I have frequently pondered that.
    - not good relations
    -not teaching something - or maybe sometimes
    -just by being a regular person and holding personal integrity - I like this one the best.

    I think that if I show a good example of doing the right thing,
    it encourages other people to do the right thing, too.
    It's so hard to do the right thing when everyone around you is doing the wrong thing.
    So I don't mind sticking out like a sore thumb and being the example
    so other people will have the courage it takes to do the right thing.

  9. #19
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTJMom View Post

    I think that if I show a good example of doing the right thing,
    it encourages other people to do the right thing, too.
    It's so hard to do the right thing when everyone around you is doing the wrong thing.
    So I don't mind sticking out like a sore thumb and being the example
    so other people will have the courage it takes to do the right thing.
    This is very commendable, but I think perhaps deceptively so.... I mean, how do you decide what "the right thing" is, and is your decision as to what it is, final? I mean does this mean that you judge others who make a different decision, but one that they equally feel is 'right', as bad people, and their action as 'wrong'?
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  10. #20
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    This is very commendable, but I think perhaps deceptively so.... I mean, how do you decide what "the right thing" is, and is your decision as to what it is, final? I mean does this mean that you judge others who make a different decision, but one that they equally feel is 'right', as bad people, and their action as 'wrong'?
    Well, that's a good question.
    Some things are black and white, like U.S. laws, for instance.
    But you're right, obviously, some things would be "my opinion".
    In that case, I can be pleased if people choose to follow me,
    and sad if they don't.

    I used to be extremely black & white and very judgmental.
    I have mellowed out quite a bit in that.
    Most people today would say that they think I am not judgmental.

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