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  1. #1
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Default ENFP Scared of CHANGE?? (Housewives or Moms welcome!)

    Are there any ENFP females who find themselves scared of marriage, being a stereotypical housewife and/or having children?

    These things make me feel like I am going to change who I am and just cause me to lose all independence and free spirit.

    Thinking of myself as a 'motherly' type doesn't match. I don't feel I am that responsible. I feel like I want to have kids and can daydream about it, but if i try and REALLY think about it REALISTICALLY I start to freak out. I feel like I am always going to be young at heart and never be 'ready' for these things.


    Are there any ENFPs who felt this way or still feel this way? Did you used to think like this, but once it happened, you got used to it?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tiny Army's Avatar
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    My boyfriend has accepted that even though we both think we've met our soulmate, I am not the marrying kind. I will probably never be the marrying kind. That kind of finality scares me. The idea that there is a piece of paper on file somewhere attempting to indicate the strength of my commitment to my SO is deeply unsettling to me.

    I am looking forward to having children but the idea of failure as a parent sometimes wakes me up in the night in a cold sweat.
    Anger is also a feeling.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Lord, I was born a ramblin man,
    Tryin to make a livin and doin the best I can.
    And when its time for leavin,
    I hope youll understand,
    That I was born a ramblin man.

    -The Allman Brothers Band.

    it takes time to wean into, but we can be broken.

    I know I'd much rather have true love and a relationship and family than to be free. But it isn't that simple, it takes time to work into.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  4. #4
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Totally relate to the op. I've been in a committed relationship for many years, so I do not have commitment issues, and I know I will spend the rest of my life with this man, but the idea of not being able to pack up and go tomorrow without getting judges and lawyers involved and dragging it out forever, scares me shitless. As does the idea of being a wife (god knows I was just not meant to play that part).

    Also, the idea that someone else, namely society, dictates what my level of commitment and my duties and responsibilities are towards this man, somehow offends me. I don't want to do those things out of a sense of duty, but because I love him. Nor do I demand from him to be obligated to fulfill those duties himself. I want him to treat me the way he does because he loves me, not because the law tells him so.

    I like the 'idea' of raising a child, but have always said I never wanted children as I do not feel up for that task and it's not something you can quit. Besides, I just don't do motherly feelings, though that *has* been changing in the last year (damn that stupid bioclock), as I get moments of temporary insanity these days where I'm actually considering it. Thank god, they're mostly isolated incidents for now.

    I like the symbolic idea behind marriage and I have no problems with that. In fact, I'm looking into a legal arrangement that would allow us to live together while having close to the same benefits as marriage, but is something that is not an administrative hassle while planning something like a handfasting or something to celebrate us as a couple and being together for that long as well as the level of commitment we have for one another.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  5. #5
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    i never planned to marry or have kids. I never had motherly feelings or a strong desire to have babies-it actually changes a bit when you are chunky preggers for a lot of people.

    Eventually I did both. The marriage was becuase he broke his nose and had crappy health insurance.

    My 13 yo first kid one is an enfp emo and came home the other day whining about being a mistake. I calmly explained that "no, sweetie, you were a stupid decision.... your brother is the mistake" This made him and me laugh hysterically.

    When I was in my teens I wanted to be a horse trainer and worked at a horse farm bout 40 hours a week. However my super Ne made me absent minded and I had to stop as I would do so many sensotard things like leave the water on all night or forget to close gates. So the idea of parent hood was utterly terrifying.

    However they come with built in alarms-they scream when they want stuff so mostly is okay. The trick is to minimize danger , give them safe places to play and recognize they will hurt themselves but are actually pretty rugged little guys. Watch out for forgetting them in the car however.

  6. #6
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    One of the best moms I know is an ENFP. She is also extremely intelligent, very idealistic, energetic, fun, and a very active member of her community. She's also one of the sweetest people I know. Her husband is an entrepreneur who recently made a great deal of money and we recently had a long conversation about this and the value of living independently (ie being your own boss). Although the context of the conversation was about employment, I remember her saying with pride "I've always cleaned my own house and raised my own kids and I've never expected anyone to do it for me." Although she's very caring and very responsible, I don't think she feels the sacrifice has been too much. I'm not an ENFP, and I would guess it's probably more of an issue for ENFP's, but I remember being afraid right before my first child was born about how much my life would change -- and it has changed, but definitely for the better. It's a choice you make: you can be a boring, "my kids always come first" sort of soccer mom or you can be someone vitally connected to the adult world but still a great mother to your kids and definitely a better example to them in the long run about what kind of an adult to grow up to be.

  7. #7
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    YES!

    Marriage was fine - it's just paper anyway, and the soul matters more.

    But I'm scared to death of having kids.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Nillerz's Avatar
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    ENFP dude. Fatherhood? Fuck that...

  9. #9
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Are there any ENFP females who find themselves scared of marriage, being a stereotypical housewife and/or having children?

    These things make me feel like I am going to change who I am and just cause me to lose all independence and free spirit.

    Thinking of myself as a 'motherly' type doesn't match. I don't feel I am that responsible. I feel like I want to have kids and can daydream about it, but if i try and REALLY think about it REALISTICALLY I start to freak out. I feel like I am always going to be young at heart and never be 'ready' for these things.


    Are there any ENFPs who felt this way or still feel this way? Did you used to think like this, but once it happened, you got used to it?

    I'm an ENFP who got married before the age of 30, and decided to have children early as well. I have found that I often have to fight "motherly/wifely" burnout. I have so much creative energy, and seemingly very little time to myself now. Boo hoo for me...(sarcasm, but not). I live for my little one, have stayed home nearly 5 years, but I have often found myself becoming the shadow of my personality for months at a time. If I had to do it all over again, I'd wait until after 30 or maybe even 35, or maybe until after I had dated many different people and lived the crazy life that always imagined for myself, prior to settling down. I married out of practicality and not out of that soul mate type love that us ENFPs desire. I have struggled with feelings of being trapped...(sigh). I also have a lot of crazy party still in me, but I married a traditional/steadfast INTJ who has no interest in these things anymore....


    On a positive note, my little one and I get a long great! Because I'm still a kid at heart, we make a great team!

  10. #10
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    totally understand that...but think it's because you feel different then the people you see that are parents...you have to remember there are no rules...you can do it your way...you'll still be you...and your kids will be yours...you don't have to be the way other people are...know what i mean?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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