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  1. #11
    Senior Member penelope's Avatar
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    Yeah, he's just gotten into it, so I'm suggesting that we try to understand better how to balance our pairing with the extrovert/introvert issues.

    Interesting note: I had him take the test when we first started dating and he got INFJ... but he was going through some issues then, and since kinda fixing things and feeling like himself now, he's gotten ENFP.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Onewithsoul - it's interesting you say that. Actually, he and I had a very tough beginning. He's young, and he never had any real relationships, and once I came around, the idea of what's between us freaked him out and he ran away... twice. The third time around, he's made it concrete and he's determined to make this last and make it work. We're both very aware of the amazing connection and understanding of each other that we have. So the "breaking in" has been done. We're just working out the tweaks, like this social/anti-social issue we're having. It's sweet, though. I knew I'd end up with an ENFP. He's already made it known that he wants to marry me.

    /
    Wow, that's so ENFP-like!

    I'm glad to hear that most of the storm has passed and that it will probably be lightening up a bit, as it already has. It's a perfect balance. Us ENFPs are naturally drawn to you INFJs, our ideals match and the rest balances out and mixes together. Young ENFPs (including myself) really are rampant. We do get around and not too often do we settle. If he says he wants to marry you, he isn't lying. We're pretty true individuals and he wouldn't say it if he didn't believe it.

    Happy loving!
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  3. #13
    Senior Member penelope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Wow, that's so ENFP-like!

    I'm glad to hear that most of the storm has passed and that it will probably be lightening up a bit, as it already has. It's a perfect balance. Us ENFPs are naturally drawn to you INFJs, our ideals match and the rest balances out and mixes together. Young ENFPs (including myself) really are rampant. We do get around and not too often do we settle. If he says he wants to marry you, he isn't lying. We're pretty true individuals and he wouldn't say it if he didn't believe it.

    Happy loving!
    Thank you!

    I know... anything he says in sincere. He knows he can't put anything past me (he used to be a bad ENFP... manipulative, unsettling, etc)... I seem to completely disarm him and he's the only one that really knows how to find me in my little world and even join me there. It's such a magical thing.

  4. #14
    Senior Member Nonsensical's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Thank you!

    I know... anything he says in sincere. He knows he can't put anything past me (he used to be a bad ENFP... manipulative, unsettling, etc)... I seem to completely disarm him and he's the only one that really knows how to find me in my little world and even join me there. It's such a magical thing.
    I hope I end up with an INFJ for that very reason. We're pulled together like magnets.
    Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?

  5. #15
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope View Post
    Yeah, he's just gotten into it, so I'm suggesting that we try to understand better how to balance our pairing with the extrovert/introvert issues.

    Interesting note: I had him take the test when we first started dating and he got INFJ... but he was going through some issues then, and since kinda fixing things and feeling like himself now, he's gotten ENFP.
    Oh, is he the one you dated a little while ago and wrote about from the POV of INFJ with INFJ?

  6. #16
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    i think since you're in a long distance relationship that you guys should spend half the time together alone and the other half with friends and let him know that it's alright to run around and socialize with other people w/o feeling like he's got to stay right by you...even if he feels like you're uncomfortable...just tell him that's your nature but you want him to be how he is too...so...it's alright and not to worry about it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #17
    Senior Member penelope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    Oh, is he the one you dated a little while ago and wrote about from the POV of INFJ with INFJ?
    Haha, yeah, that's the one. Funny how that works, right? It makes more sense now how hard it was to understand him as another INFJ.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i think since you're in a long distance relationship that you guys should spend half the time together alone and the other half with friends and let him know that it's alright to run around and socialize with other people w/o feeling like he's got to stay right by you...even if he feels like you're uncomfortable...just tell him that's your nature but you want him to be how he is too...so...it's alright and not to worry about it.
    Yeah, those things have all been said... but I think we're the kind of couple that really wants to get to the root of the issue rather than taking the short cut. But yes... that does make sense, though the pull that we feel with each other and sensing how each other feels is way too strong.

  8. #18
    violaine
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    Oh cool! Hehe, yeah that must have all clicked into place when he tested again.

    All the best to you too, you sound determined to have a good relationship!

  9. #19
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    well the root of the situation seems to be different temperaments...extroveted/introverted...but all you can do is accept it and give each other a lil of what you need.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  10. #20
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    I can relate to your predicament in some ways. Normally I am quite sociable despite being an introvert, however, I was totally in your situation when it came to going to my partner's work functions. (He's an ESTP, not an ENFP, but it sounds like the dynamic is similar in some ways regarding the introvert/extrovert balance.) I didn't know anyone, and there was lots of work talk that it was difficult for me to jump in on, so I felt uncomfortable and would cling to him. I solved the problem to a pretty satisfactory degree by (1) making an effort to talk to and get to know some of the people at these work functions which made it easier to leave his side at subsequent gatherings, and (2) when he invites me to one of these things I ask him who I know that will be there, and if there's a few people that I've socialized with at previous events and would feel comfortable chatting with on my own then I'll go, but if not, I sit that one out. It's worked pretty well for us.


    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    Two possible solutions as far as I can see.

    1. Learn to be more social. This doesn't mean you have to become an extrovert. It just means you have to train yourself to be more comfortable in company. It would probably help if you made friends with one or two people in his circle of friends so you can hang out with them in a social setting. That would be far less awkward for an introvert than trying to mingle.
    Amen. I think the solution is for both of you to compromise. That would mean not only him staying in with you more often than he normally would, but also you going out with him more often than you normally would. I think that making friends with some of his friends is definitely key to that.


    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    Are you shy in social settings? Or do other people wear you down? I would just try to gradually learn to be comfortable with socializing through strategic practice. (INFJ are often more comfortable if they have a plan until something becomes natural.) e.g. if you arrive somewhere together you could intermittently go and converse with other people and come back to him until you break that reliance on him.
    Good advice! Small talk really is something that improves with practice. Fake it til you make it ;o)

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